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06-22-2008, 02:55 AM
|  | NEENJA | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: nyc 4 eva
Posts: 3,139
| | | does anyone here write at all?
short stories? poems? prose? whatever?
heres something short from me. dont know if im even finished with it yet. just trying it out i guess. Quote:
She looked scared but calm. He had the shotgun out on the table in front of him, breech open and shell in place. “Come here”, he said to the little girl standing in front of him. She couldn’t have been more than 8 or 9. “I need you to do me a favor.”
His plan was a little bit cruel, but he was desperate enough to go through with it. He knew this would be an act that would stay with her for the rest of her life. He hoped that she would one day realize that it was his act and not hers. He hoped that she would hate him for this, and not herself.
He wasn’t really sure how to ask her to do this. Maybe he should just talk to her for a little while first. Tell her all the things he wished someone had sat him down to tell him. Maybe he should tell her about all the cruelty in the world and that she should never ever let that cruelty turn her into someone that lacked all the innocence and virtue she now possessed. Would she even understand what he said to her? He wasn’t really sure. But then, he wasn’t sure of very much right then.
With that thought he realized he had nothing to give her, and his plan made more sense now than ever.
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__________________ to the winch, wench. Quote: |
Originally Posted by dotty wokker and laugh about it all you want. you wont be laughing when my friends dos the fuck out of your hard drive. |
Last edited by staticsindy : 06-22-2008 at 02:56 AM.
Reason: paragraphs dont work on teh kr.
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06-22-2008, 03:02 AM
|  | slow refrain | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: austin.
Posts: 3,626
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by staticsindy  short stories? poems? prose? whatever? | all of the above, although i'm not sure which i'm stronger in. i get compliments all the time but i think i'm too self-conscious. basically i feel that everything i write is weak.
i'm thinking of going to grad school for writing, but i don't know yet.
i only have one small thing i want to pick at in that passage: Quote: |
Originally Posted by staticsindy Maybe he should tell her about all the cruelty in the world and that she should never ever let that cruelty turn her into someone that lacked all the innocence and virtue she now possessed. | the second 'that' needs to be a 'who'. people are 'who', i.e. 'the person who', 'the girl who', etc. other than that i would like to see more of it, if you're willing to share.
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by DoloresHaze I did not miss the point, I just had a moment where Marilyn's tragedy overwhelmed me. Such a pure creature, she was just light gone too soon. | |
06-22-2008, 03:06 AM
| | NEENJA | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: nyc 4 eva
Posts: 3,139
| | | ha thanks. id love to see some stuff youve written. what better place to grow a thick skin than kr? and in this forum, im sure theres a few people who could guide you to strengthen your writing?
i just wrote that and am not totally sure about where to take it next, or if i even want to really. i think i like it short and leaving you guessing. first thing ive written in a long while, i missed it.
__________________ to the winch, wench. Quote: |
Originally Posted by dotty wokker and laugh about it all you want. you wont be laughing when my friends dos the fuck out of your hard drive. | |
06-22-2008, 03:17 AM
| | NEENJA | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: nyc 4 eva
Posts: 3,139
| | k, well im not sure of the next few paragraphs, not sure of how well it flows. Quote:
“I need to finish cleaning this gun barrel, but I need help.” She nodded. “I want you to keep your finger on the trigger while I hold up the gun and look down the barrel.” She looked puzzled. “Are you going to take out that shell first?” She’s too smart. He thought quickly, “No honey, it’s an empty shell. I fired this gun earlier and left that shell in because it makes cleaning it easier.” “O.K.”
He snapped the breech closed, shell in place. He pulled back the hammer until it clicked. She sat down in front of him and put her fingers on the trigger. “Make sure you have a good hold on that now.” She nodded again. He looked directly down the barrel and just slightly pulled up on it.
It happened quickly. She didn’t know what to do next. She just sat there, quietly stunned.
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__________________ to the winch, wench. Quote: |
Originally Posted by dotty wokker and laugh about it all you want. you wont be laughing when my friends dos the fuck out of your hard drive. | |
06-22-2008, 03:22 AM
|  | Female Chauvinist Pig | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: I am the Rain
Posts: 2,808
| | | nevermind
__________________ ignorance is no excuse for stupidity misfitcult sucks for a living and
l'avatar and ktlr lick up the overflow
Last edited by InShreds : 06-22-2008 at 03:39 AM.
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06-22-2008, 06:07 AM
|  | pawking metaws | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: vivian comma close
Posts: 9,427
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by sokkar the second 'that' needs to be a 'who'. people are 'who', i.e. 'the person who', 'the girl who', etc. other than that i would like to see more of it, if you're willing to share. | except this may be written in the free indirect style, where you use the character's manner of speech or thought (and grammatical errors) as part of the narrator's account
but i liked the first piece, but the continuation of it less |
06-22-2008, 06:33 AM
|  | gonna give it 35% | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: noodlebox
Posts: 3,863
| | staticsindy, i like it very much!
its funny, the thing ive been most concerned about with myself lately is my non-ability to write well. i had a HUGE complex at the start of the year.
i had to write a story for an english subject, following a couple of guidelines illustrated by chekhov and mansfield. i guess i'll post what i came up with, although i am still not sure i like it much. the grammar is terrible, i need to take a grammar course.
also, i had a proper ending there but i hated it so i just hacked it off and left it. apple8apples -
im kind of nervous about posting it because youre all so frikken clever :$
__________________ Maybe you could send him like a coat hanger or soup mix in the mail with a post it-
"when you paint with your eyes closed, you never become picasso, you just become an ironic narcissist with uncomfortable shades".
Throwing people off is thrilling. -ktlr
Last edited by rosieholic : 06-22-2008 at 06:52 AM.
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06-22-2008, 08:32 AM
|  | blow yr mind | | Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: miami
Posts: 2,347
| | | I love writing. I want to be a music journalist when I grow up, but I dabble in creative writing.
This is about my "fragile" (very very delicate) friend:
Reading and reading and sitting and sleeping in a black pit, with people that act like robots surrounding me. She tries SO hard to be real, she tries SO hard to be gritty, to be intense, to be tough. Look, you're crying now. She's too fragile and delicate and I just want to have fun with six u's. Look, you're crying now. Her past should have been sunshine and rainbows but it's all dark, it's all dark and barren and cement filled. She didn't even tell me that she was privileged and I thought I had found a friend, a true friend to talk to and share interests with but no. She's like the rest. I'm the only one. Look, she's crying now! That's all she does! She walks around with the most pained expression, like she'll fall apart, like her bones are hollow. If I slap her arm I'm afraid I'll break all her limbs. Look, she's crying now! She's very self-destructive. I'm very numb, apathetic, useless. She is deep but has a hard time showing it. She gives herself to guys, slobby gross guys, she vomits and cries and I wonder why she does it. Me, I'm calm, I'm zen. I'd rather sleep than get high, I'd rather write, I'd rather read. I'd rather remember my nights, I'd rather avoid that teenage drama bullshit.
But she just can't. And she's doomed, I guess.
Look, she's crying now.  |
06-22-2008, 02:17 PM
| | slow refrain | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: austin.
Posts: 3,626
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by kesh except this may be written in the free indirect style, where you use the character's manner of speech or thought (and grammatical errors) as part of the narrator's account | i figured that was a given. since there weren't any other speech clues, i assumed that it was a general third-person omniscient narrator.
rosieholic, i don't think you have anything to be nervous about. it certainly wasn't bad.
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by DoloresHaze I did not miss the point, I just had a moment where Marilyn's tragedy overwhelmed me. Such a pure creature, she was just light gone too soon. | |
06-22-2008, 04:22 PM
|  | duh! | | Join Date: May 2006 Location: Sao Paolo
Posts: 2,337
| | | I do. Kind of. Yes. I do.
Poems, etc. lyrics, etc.
This is a shit bit, and I translated it very poorly, since it wasn't in english originally:
Put the blindfold on my eyes so I can see
Exactly how blindness looks like
Of me, you took the bed
Of me, exhaustion is left
And behind my heavy eyes,
All the bitter thoughts
All behind the heavy eyes,
The constant flow of the river
Last edited by Mallory Knox : 06-22-2008 at 04:32 PM.
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06-23-2008, 03:21 AM
|  | Phil Goff | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Westport, New Zealand
Posts: 18,382
| | | I can't wait for the holidays. I'm going to try a couple of hours' writing a day for a fortnight. Should be good for me.
__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.
I escaped somehow. Let's go
actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter |
06-23-2008, 04:07 PM
|  | Crackbabble | | Join Date: May 2008 Location: Brazil Indiana
Posts: 840
| | | I write...I don't feel like sharing anything on here right now. |
06-23-2008, 06:21 PM
|  | *Tea stained* | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Australia
Posts: 1,361
| | | I write. I write a lot of poetry, short stories, essays and such but I haven't had the time to throw myself into a novel yet. I'm really not sure what I'm meant to do with my work though. |
06-24-2008, 07:27 AM
| | Phil Goff | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Westport, New Zealand
Posts: 18,382
| | | We need to start a writers' club, where we can get writer's block and bang our head against concrete pillars collectively.
__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.
I escaped somehow. Let's go
actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter |
06-24-2008, 11:32 PM
|  | bedroom revolutionary | | Join Date: May 2007 Location: under neon loneliness
Posts: 5,784
| | | I wrote a little while I was away this week. It was bullshit about an ex, because I've not really thought about our extremely weird relationship in the last 3 years. Maybe it was well written at least...
__________________ We shall abolish the orgasm. Our neurologists are at work upon it now. There will be no loyalty, except loyalty towards the Party. |
06-26-2008, 11:56 AM
|  | International Playgirl | | Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Eating Books
Posts: 177
| | | i write; i have a degree in creative writing. I used to write mainly poetry and won a couple of awards and got published a bunch of times but i tend to write novels now (more for myself and my sisters than for any success, but you never know what will happen when i finish one i'm happy with!) I've kind of neglected poetry for a while which upsets me, but it distracts me from my story tbh.
I also write for work as i'm an events writer in one job and i work at a magazine and write reviews for another.
I'd go slightly mental if i couldnt write everyday. |
06-26-2008, 12:05 PM
| | Female Chauvinist Pig | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: I am the Rain
Posts: 2,808
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by bort We need to start a writers' club, where we can get writer's block and bang our head against concrete pillars collectively. | No. We cannot collectively be nurturing here. Our psuedo-hatred would die along with the appeal of kr.
__________________ ignorance is no excuse for stupidity misfitcult sucks for a living and
l'avatar and ktlr lick up the overflow |
06-27-2008, 06:54 AM
|  | Running Blind | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Frozen Garden
Posts: 4,856
| | | Dark Night of the Soul
Andrew McAuliffe
Secrets
Deep dark secrets
Wisdom
Eludes
Looking to the sky to find the truth
Forgetting God is right beneath your feet
Rain shall pour and baptise all the flames
Your candle’s been blown out...
And the seas in turn shall part
And the seas in turn shall die
And the seas in turn will tidal wave
And tear your soul apart...
Yet the seed of the faith shall blossom
And the seed of the faith shall bloom
And you shall ascend to heaven
Whilst the sinners slowly burn
“Let the truth be known
That in you all shall heal
You will find your home
Protected by thy shield
And Mother Nature’s zeal
The milk that feeds us all
Close your eyes and feel
The dark night of the soul...”
21st April 2007 ©
Someday
Andrew McAuliffe
Someday
When the sky rains blue blood
And the seas are gone
My love will die away
Someday
When the acid rain caresses
And a hug means more than comfort
I will stay
Someday
I’ll trust in my choice to trust you
Someday
I’ll trust in my choice to love you too
Someday
I’ll trust in my choice to want you
I’ll never run away...
29th August 2007 ©
Saturnine
Andrew McAuliffe
Bestow upon me the holiest of amenities
Oh my god
Why won’t you talk to me?
Lovers like grey clouds leave me trembling from head to toe
I want to disappear...
“I’ve hurt so many people
I wish I’d never met you
The skies were always grey
And now I hate you...”
Bestow upon m | |
