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02-04-2008, 07:56 AM
|  | Phil Goff | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Westport, New Zealand
Posts: 18,681
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by kesh  bort, all your sex is hetero. what can this mean? | I'm catering to the lowest common denominator? I've done my research, I know which way the prize heads... and anyway, if I ever do have a novel published, I want it in the general section of Borders, not cowering in the Gay Literature ghetto shelf. Half-shelf. ADAM UND EWA, BIATCH. ADAM UND EWA. I think that's Pole-Germanisch.
__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.
I escaped somehow. Let's go
actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter |
02-04-2008, 03:48 PM
|  | Fucked by rock | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Peter Cook's ashtray
Posts: 5,179
| | | Question
Does it have to be an example of bad sex in fiction or can it be our own creation?
This isn't exactly fiction, but the book I Am A Robot by ex-Kraftwerk drummer Wolfgang Flür had some inadvertently hilarious bad sex in it. Would you like me to transcribe it???
Last edited by emily34695 : 02-04-2008 at 09:34 PM.
|
02-05-2008, 05:10 AM
| | Phil Goff | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Westport, New Zealand
Posts: 18,681
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by emily34695 Does it have to be an example of bad sex in fiction or can it be our own creation?
This isn't exactly fiction, but the book I Am A Robot by ex-Kraftwerk drummer Wolfgang Flür had some inadvertently hilarious bad sex in it. Would you like me to transcribe it??? | Fuck yes. Transcribe away!
I think we've been making up our own in this thread, but feel free to add actual shitty sex writings you own...
__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.
I escaped somehow. Let's go
actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter |
02-05-2008, 03:37 PM
| | Fucked by rock | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Peter Cook's ashtray
Posts: 5,179
| | | Page 29 excerpt
"...While we were used to the pleasant singing of the Beatles' early works, here was a group roaring all of its useful rage and frustration against a middle-class life, which would be unable to appreciate the semen-sticky upholstery of our furniture. I still had my twitching penis in my hand when I noticed the freshly besmirched sofa with satisfaction...I had no juice left, and apart from this I feared being caught. Instead, the rest of the afternoon proceeded less enjoyably, as I washed, brushed, and dried the fine damask material of my parents' inherited sofa."  |
02-05-2008, 06:35 PM
|  | no lust in this coma | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 2,915
| | | "A hundred"
"Your prices have gone up. What do I get for that?"
"You get to fuck me. As hard as you want."
"I got that for twenty quid last time"
"OK, so what's worth a hundred to you?"
"You know what I want"
Yeah. And he got it for free last time. "Money first" I say.
He takes out five twenties, cash-machine clean, and gives them to me.
"Now take off your top and pull down your jeans" he says.
I do it.
"Now put your hands behind your back"
He takes something out of his pocket and ties my hands together. And I'm thinking that whatever he does next doesn't matter.It's only my body. I don't mind how fucked my body gets as long as my mind's OK. And my body's up for this anyway. However scared I am; however much I want to be driving away from the blond men and the KIDS - my body recognises this feeling and wants more of it. It wants the familiar pain that's coming.
"Bend over" says Patrick. He takes some of the pink soap from the dispenser and smears it on his cock.
It takes about a minute and a half for him to come.
(The End of Mr Y - Scarlett Thomas)
I particularly hate the way that she comes across as a young-ish english lecturer (which is what she is) in this book. It's like she's trying to shock her students, but in quite a lame way. She makes this character out to be a complete deviant, but then you have sex scenes like that which are just embarassing. The soap part made me sad.
__________________ nobody here can know how i feel
|
02-05-2008, 07:57 PM
| | Phil Goff | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Westport, New Zealand
Posts: 18,681
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by ella luciana
I particularly hate the way that she comes across as a young-ish english lecturer (which is what she is) in this book. It's like she's trying to shock her students, but in quite a lame way. She makes this character out to be a complete deviant, but then you have sex scenes like that which are just embarassing. The soap part made me sad. | One way ticket to literary hell for sure, in a vaguely postmodern stylee. You pick all that up from her excerpt, too. She's an open book.
__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.
I escaped somehow. Let's go
actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter |
02-05-2008, 08:01 PM
|  | I'm the hot one. | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Dying 100 times
Posts: 6,660
| | | I just assumed it was any other self-loathing fag. |
02-05-2008, 08:10 PM
| | Phil Goff | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Westport, New Zealand
Posts: 18,681
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth Price I just assumed it was any other self-loathing fag. | "Cash-machine clean"? That's no ordinary dickhead. That's an English lecturer. Or at least an English teacher.
__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.
I escaped somehow. Let's go
actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter |
02-05-2008, 08:13 PM
| | I'm the hot one. | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Dying 100 times
Posts: 6,660
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by bort "Cash-machine clean"? That's no ordinary dickhead. That's an English lecturer. Or at least an English teacher. | HAH. I think we've just uncovered your dark past.
hmm nah you wouldn't need to be paid to do that  |
02-05-2008, 11:04 PM
|  | pussy liquor | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: house of 1000 corpses
Posts: 1,558
| | | Irvine Welsh writes SUCH amusing/disgusting but all around entertaining (not necessarily in a happy way, some stuff in his novels disturbed and upset me greatly) sex scenes...Though they're intentionally "bad." But he writes them so well, damn I love that man. |
02-06-2008, 04:39 AM
|  | irony maiden | | Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: denny's.
Posts: 2,010
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by ella luciana "A hundred"
"Your prices have gone up. What do I get for that?"
"You get to fuck me. As hard as you want."
"I got that for twenty quid last time"
"OK, so what's worth a hundred to you?"
"You know what I want"
Yeah. And he got it for free last time. "Money first" I say.
He takes out five twenties, cash-machine clean, and gives them to me.
"Now take off your top and pull down your jeans" he says.
I do it.
"Now put your hands behind your back"
He takes something out of his pocket and ties my hands together. And I'm thinking that whatever he does next doesn't matter.It's only my body. I don't mind how fucked my body gets as long as my mind's OK. And my body's up for this anyway. However scared I am; however much I want to be driving away from the blond men and the KIDS - my body recognises this feeling and wants more of it. It wants the familiar pain that's coming.
"Bend over" says Patrick. He takes some of the pink soap from the dispenser and smears it on his cock.
It takes about a minute and a half for him to come.
(The End of Mr Y - Scarlett Thomas)
I particularly hate the way that she comes across as a young-ish english lecturer (which is what she is) in this book. It's like she's trying to shock her students, but in quite a lame way. She makes this character out to be a complete deviant, but then you have sex scenes like that which are just embarassing. The soap part made me sad. | i actually had an english lecturer like that once. according to her, she's an ex-prostitute and a "try-sexual" - apparently she'll try anything.  unfortunately, she's never tried to not be a complete and utter twat.  |
02-06-2008, 04:48 AM
| | Phil Goff | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Westport, New Zealand
Posts: 18,681
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by cheshirecat i actually had an english lecturer like that once. according to her, she's an ex-prostitute and a "try-sexual" - apparently she'll try anything. unfortunately, she's never tried to not be a complete and utter twat. | And demonstrably the worst lecturer in the history of everything.
__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.
I escaped somehow. Let's go
actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter |
02-06-2008, 05:16 AM
| | irony maiden | | Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: denny's.
Posts: 2,010
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by bort And demonstrably the worst lecturer in the history of everything. | yes, that too.
did i tell you that i have to take a paper she's running? it's basically a chick lit paper. exactly the kind of shit she'd teach. but it has God of Small Things, so. if you're up here later in the year you can trot along with me to one of her "my ex-girlfriend says i remind her of Aeon Flux" lectures. |
02-06-2008, 05:21 AM
| | Phil Goff | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Westport, New Zealand
Posts: 18,681
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by cheshirecat yes, that too.
did i tell you that i have to take a paper she's running? it's basically a chick lit paper. exactly the kind of shit she'd teach. but it has God of Small Things, so. if you're up here later in the year you can trot along with me to one of her "my ex-girlfriend says i remind her of Aeon Flux" lectures. | I would love another lecture with her, and another trip to Auckland. In either the July or October hols I'll try to head up to Auckland for a few days. Maybe if there's a concert around one of those holidays...
__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.
I escaped somehow. Let's go
actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter |
02-06-2008, 05:24 AM
| | irony maiden | | Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: denny's.
Posts: 2,010
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by bort I would love another lecture with her, and another trip to Auckland. In either the July or October hols I'll try to head up to Auckland for a few days. Maybe if there's a concert around one of those holidays... | oh, the paper is in march-june/july/whenever the first semester ends, so yeah. there's also no exam for this paper so that's another plus.
you should see the picture of her in the english department. she looks like a constipated goose who got into a whore's make up. also is facebook working for you? not working for me at all. |
02-06-2008, 03:01 PM
| | Fucked by rock | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Peter Cook's ashtray
Posts: 5,179
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by cheshirecat you should see the picture of her in the english department. she looks like a constipated goose who got into a whore's make up. also is facebook working for you? not working for me at all. | PM links to this picture please  |
02-06-2008, 07:57 PM
| | irony maiden | | Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: denny's.
Posts: 2,010
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by emily34695 PM links to this picture please | haha, i don't think there is one on the internet? i WISH to god that there was but the picture i'm talking about is on the wall in the english department at my university. |
02-06-2008, 11:21 PM
| | Fucked by rock | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Peter Cook's ashtray
Posts: 5,179
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by cheshirecat haha, i don't think there is one on the internet? i WISH to god that there was but the picture i'm talking about is on the wall in the english department at my university. | OMG that is a faculty department pic? Funny shit, I wish I was at your university to see that! |
02-07-2008, 12:19 AM
| | Phil Goff | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Westport, New Zealand
Posts: 18,681
| | |
