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Old 04-27-2007, 10:46 AM
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Location: jersey
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peotry. feedback appreciated.

ive written three new poems. i havent written in months cos i was sort of uninspired. but ive started again and was wondering what you guys thought. any feedback would be appreciated thanks....nikki.



invisible

choke on the voice in your throat
shes so pretty nobody knows
what a nice girl
you see what you want to
escape eternity
run for your life
the fire burns
the path consumed
can you read minds
read between the lines
save face and shut up
you dont matter
taste the smoke in your lungs
nobody sees her
invisible insecurity
just let her bleed
the sound in the wind
do you hear her
silent screams silver
try to contain her



more to it than this

ill walk these broken steets in the dark
i wont look back over my shoulder
theres nothing left to look back on
im not scared but maybe i should be
theres more to it than this
ill walk these empty streets alone
ive done it a thousand times before
therese never been a hand to hold me back
ill go on maybe forever
theres got to be more to it than this
this place is vacant
these faces are all the same
theres nothing here to save us
and we take it all for granted
well stop just to do it again
so ill keep on walking these lonely streets
until the rain pours down and drowns me out
im not scared but i know i should be
i know forever doesnt exist
but theres got to be more to it than this




i really hate to say it

your blood is flowing
but your pulse slows
the sky is hazy
and your heart skips a beat
there is nothing we can do but wait
and all you can do is sit there
they keep telling us its all ok
but soon it could be too late
so i wanna say everything
and i wanna say nothing too
but more than anything id hate to say goodbye
they say you never know
just what the future holds
and when tomorrow comes
it might leave you behind
you cant change somethings
even though they arent right
i dont know what to say
this may be the last few weeks
of the rest of your life
but when it all goes down
i know ive been lucky
you have no idea what youve done for me
so while i still can
i wanna say thank you for everything

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  #2  
Old 04-28-2007, 01:52 PM
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the dice are rolled...
 
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I like so much.
The second is really good!
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Old 04-28-2007, 02:31 PM
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Because I was hungry...
 
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I think they'd sound better as lyrics.....are you a musician?
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Old 04-28-2007, 02:53 PM
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i play guitar and i was working on something for them but i havent found anything i really like yet. im glad you guys like them.
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Old 05-01-2007, 10:20 PM
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Location: jersey
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im happy you guys are reading this stuff. but really leave comments and let me know what you think. even if you think its shit. thanks.
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