So I went to this funeral today for someone I barely know and I wasn't crying really. It was okay but then some worker person stepped on the mike connection and cut it off and these people behind were all, "I can't hear him! Why can't I hear him!? asASFBJIOPDSJIOBHESDFIOGN!" So these two babies cried during it, but at least they had the decency to take them outside and nourture(sp?) them. I was at a wedding and this women covered her child's face with her hands. WTF!?

Anyways, the poems were shite, except for the one written on the mother's bedsheets as she died. I mean, yeah, Christian poems, whoo! And then twenty or so minutes of babbling about her life's history while no one could hear. Something Piano Lady, then Neat Lady, moving to this town, blahblahblah.

This girl with a nose ring gave me the evil glare, too. Anyways, the woman who died was lovely, she had alzeimhemrez(SP!), and then she stopped consuming and promptly died. Last time I was at that funeral home I couldn't even stand up because the fucking chairs were up my ass and bucking my knees.

No offense to her or anything but I'd rather not have gone and slept in. The funeral isn't for the dead person.</dearkrdiary>

How's your Saturday?

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"the height of arrogance is the height of control of those who create God in their own image"

HAH~!

Funerals are great, especially the end where everyone walks by and hugs the bereaved and you just know the last thing that they want to do is hug a bunch of moist, snotting strangers.

Love to the departed and all that, but when I die I hope they just have a big luncheon and distribute my ashes evenly into the watercress sandwiches before serving them.

Give my body to necrophiliacs. Or throw my ashes over the Atlantic Ocean or something, I don't know right now.

All I know is that when I die... I want lots of RUCOUS AND SHIT STIRRED BEFORE, DURING, AND AFTER MY MEMORIAL SERVICE! No funeral. And there better be drunken, high happiness everywhere or I will throw lightning bolts at those who do not respect my wishes! Or I'll haunt them when they're pooping. Either one, it'll fuck 'em up some way or another. They'll ending up sewing their sphincters shut or avoiding trees in storms or some shit.

I don't want much crying when I die, I wasn't that perfect, either, so don't sugarcoat my sorry ass with, "He was liek THE BEST PERSON EVAR, YOU ALL SUCK COMPARED TO HIM! CHRIST REBOOOOORRRRRRNNNNN!" Just throw me in a field for children to find. Be creative with my blood, make a red violin or something. I'm feeling thoughtful about this now.

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"the height of arrogance is the height of control of those who create God in their own image"

laughing my ass off

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Yesterday was history
Tomorrow is a mystery
Today is a gift - that's why it's called the present
- Babatunde Olatunji (and Kung Fu Panda)

have you heard about that artist who makes memorial paintings out of the deceased's ashes? wierd shit.

some tibetan monks get hacked up and thrown to the vultures after they die so that even in death they can give life. i like the sound of that, somehow. circle of life, yo.

i hate catholic funerals because everyone else is catholic, and they know when to stand up, sit down, say the funny catholic things. and i dont, because i was raised by sinners. oops.

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haha, i went to a catholic funeral a month or so ago and i was the only one in the church who didn't kneel or do all those random catholic things (but i'm not religious by any means so i had no idea what was going on..) so many dirty looks.

how very awkward.

Context: In the way that every person who dies has suddenly had the absolute perfect life. But yes, I am near perfection, as you can all tell. Ha.

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"the height of arrogance is the height of control of those who create God in their own image"

haha, me too. My mom told me a story about my gran going to a Catholic wedding and when she heard these chanting voices out of "nowhere" she let out a "What the hell!?". My mom said she could have died right there, but my gran was a nut and amazing so I was not surprised to hear this.

Reminds me of my youth with mother making us go to mass every
Sunday. It was like the same thing every week: the ritualistic lighting
of the incense (or whatever they burn) and the priest goes over the
deliverence of Jesus to Pontius Pilate. The breaking of the communion
to symbolize the body of Christ and the pouring of wine, all while singing
in that nasal-like voice...
I have never been to a Catholic funeral though.

The last funeral I went to was actually, fun?
I mean aside from being a funeral, they didn't make it as dreary as others I've been to.

I've only been to one funeral, my grandmothers. I never liked the woman but it was sad, mostly for my dad. And after the funeral the whole family got in a huge fight. funtimes.

true.

i think some people go to funerals just to get sympathy from others. which is pathetic. evenmore, what sortof assholes yell at a funeral?

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AAAHH! I got hugged by old person after old person at my grandmother's funeral. After ten minutes of it I was starting to resent her for having so many fucking friends. If I ever smell lavender again it'll be too soon.

At my great aunt's funeral last month they played the song from Titanic at the end, it was so awful, I was trying so hard not to laugh from shock.

i picked up what you were puttin' down

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[ o ]==#

Yesterday was history
Tomorrow is a mystery
Today is a gift - that's why it's called the present
- Babatunde Olatunji (and Kung Fu Panda)

Ahahahahahahafuckingha. That's completely great! I need someone to play Devendra Banhart's Chinese Children at my funeral, just to confuse.

Actually, Galaxie 500's Listen, The Snow Is Falling is playing and it sounds fitting.

Fuck it, Joni Mitchell's Blue album, done. And make it so that everyone has to wear jester outfits. BEST. Funeral. Ever.

Oh, and calalove, what do you want when you die?

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"the height of arrogance is the height of control of those who create God in their own image"

I was at a Catholic/Nigerian funeral for my friends mother a couple of weeks ago. And all the women showed up in the traditional african dress with the HUUUUGE head dresses. So I couldn't see shit.
Now it's bad enough that it was a Catholic thing, they take long enough as it is...but apperantly there was a ton of Nigerian traditions you do during the funeral too. So, THREE FUCKING HOURS LATER in a church with NO A/C in AUGUST, the service was over.....but wait...it's not over yet! We now have to walk the body and the 300+ people that showed up, down the streets of Long Beach to walk her to her moselium. And have ANOTHER fuckign service there. Well, no thank you. I snuck back to my car

I've been too a few funerals but 10 days ago I went to a funeral for a baby...and that was the worst thing ever...a coffin shouldnt be that fucking small...R.I.P Sascha

aw, sorry to hear that. that's really unfortunate.