My husband works with a gay woman who he's been friends with for many years. While on a break, they were all talking about some chick who works at another branch of the company. Something came up that prompted my husband to ask "is she a dyke??" his gay friend just shook her head and hasn't talked to him since.

My husband is worried that he insulted/offended her. Was he way out of line?

absolutley.

i hope there is a lesbian here on this site who can answer this question for you
haha
i would say that "bull dyke" or butch would be offensive
and who knows though if dyke alone is
its probably one of those things
like black people can call each other niggers but its offensive if a white person says it to them
i know someone who works at a gay club and he has said some stuff about the customers there which leads me to belieive that lesbians can be a bit uptight about things
i am sure that the tone the word is said in would make a difference too though it doesn't sound as though he said it in a manner that was reflecting a negative attitude so maybe she is just being touchy or whatever

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should i choose a noble occupation
if i did i'd only show up late and sick
and they would stare at me with hatred
plus my only natural talent's wasted

That's exactly what I said but I honestly don't know, I was just speculating. He feels bad so that's why I'm asking you all.

same thing as faggot

my aunt and her partner are lesbians. she doesn't ever say dyke...she's says "gay girl" ...i think she would only say dyke to be mean or describe someone harsh or very "hard" looking.

but she's from the old school.

i love you auntie and sioux!!

Depends who its being said to, obviously. ... & there is an unwritten rule or clause in circles that states, 'words that can be construed as derogatory are best left said/spoken from a person who is of the same identity, or association.'

...

i think it depends who you're talking to. i know lots of lesbians who call themselves dykes, but i know an equal amount who would be offended by the term.

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dyke is like nigger
it works only if your good friends

yup, my mom is a lesbian and is the same way.
they personally think its offensive if someone cals thema dyke because 9 times out of 10 its in a rude way.

I don't like it but I have friends that don't care. They even refer to themselves as such. Ew, dirty dykes!!!

I prefer just to avoid the label entirely but if I get asked if I'm a dyke I say "yes, I prefer women" and leave it at that. I don't get mad or whatever (can't be arsed) I just think labels are GAY

PS If someone refers to themselves as one, it's basically open season to call them that, but only in a fond way or teasing. Not in a derogatory way.

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i would say that a lot of queer girls have re-claimed the term 'dyke' to use between ourselves. however, the term is still often used in a derogatory way, suggesting that there is still quite a lot of stigma attached to it. i wouldn't really expect it to be used in a flippant way during general conversation - not saying that was necessarily the way your husband meant it, but it might've come out like that. at the same time, i wouldn't exactly be offended, but i might be a little bit defensive, just because the word can be used as an attack or as a knee-jerk negative response intended to belittle somebody (e.g. if a girl doesn't respond to this bloke's romantic intentions, she's automatically a dyke)

i agree with keyofg. labels can be extremely complex; unless you fully understand the potential connotations of the terms that you use, i think it's always safer to stick with 'pc'

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/3549092.stm lololrofl.

whenever i call someone a dyke i take it that they understand i am insulting them

gay girls often refer to themselves or each other as dykes, but it's not really appropriate to use if you're not a part of that comunity. I've been asked if I was a 'half-dyke' before and I was horribly offended, because dyke usually refers to a butch woman, often with short hair, men's clothing etc.

When I was in a gay bar in LA some gay guy asked if I was dykadelic

hahahaha was like.... ''I'm fucking fabulous''

This excited him muchly

I guess she was offended because she thought your husband was asking if that person was an embankment to prevent floods

Your husband should confront the situation and talk to his friend and ask her and if she was offended apologise and just say he blurted it out without thinking that the word has negative conotations.

I think everyone else has it pretty much down pat. I use the term with good friends, and I sometimes refer to myself as a dyke, but mostly in the tongue-in-cheek, double speaking way that I say most things. I use it because I have had one too many lesbians tell me that "lesbians who wear high heels are lesbians who fuck men".

I think it is derogatory 9 out of 10 times. If a man used it I think it would be 99 times out of 100. If I were him I would go back acting seriously contrite.

I agree sweetie. My husband needs to apologize to Linda asap, (she is very butch btw), and I hope this is a good lesson for him because he tends to say really fucked-up things to people that he thinks is funny. His bite can be pretty harsh sometimes.

Thanks guys...I pretty much figured that what you've said was the way it went, but I don't know too much about it. Now I know.

some lesbians get offended by everything.

i might be offended if i got called a dyke, but it depends on the context it was said in.