this is a sincere thread.
i used to feel that kr
was a place i could come and be as ****ed up as i wanted to be. and that was ok. i'd still be accepted. you guys wouldn't throw me out even if you did make fun of me for getting stds and being a resentful drug addict, or whatever. part of the reason i didn't mind was because there was always someone whose life was worse than mine. this is a group of misfits and weirdos and maladjusts and i got to be one of many. (no offense). i felt like i fit in.
when i was at my job and being a professional grown-up who traveled on business to another continent, and i was never convinced of my own abilities, i came here. and i could be crude and be honest about certain parts of my life that i couldn't be honest about anywhere else. i could let my hair down (or put my wig on) and act bat**** crazy when i couldn't act out in my real life.
lately i have been checking kr
out of habit, but have had trouble connecting, and the drama isn't even as interesting any more. this has been building for a while. i feel disconnected on a deeper level, like something major has changed.
i feel so lucky to have people in my real life that i can be honest with now. about everything. i can talk about getting stds or giving myself dilaudid enemas and whatever. so i guess i'm not sure what brings me around now.
when i got sober just over a year ago, i thought i could be a positive example to others here who might be struggling with alcohol or drugs. i have to say this is a difficult place to be a sober man trying to live his life by spiritual principles. i'm certainly not a saint. something about the environment is triggering - i find myself being as judgmental of others as they are of me. and i hate that. i dont want to live my life like that any more. being snarky and *****y to people does nothing for my cause or yours.
this isn't an "i'm leaving" thread. just observations i wanted to share and maybe others want to discuss what i've mentioned. but, if you don't see me around very much, just know that my life is probably going pretty good as long as i'm not posting here. i wanted to share this because i want to bring honesty into every aspect of my life, and i haven't really done this with kr
very much. so there you have it. 17's feelings.
i do worry this might sound condescending. i don't mean it to be. you guys truly have a special place in my heart and i love the collective soul of kr
. (ugh i hate that i just referenced a 90's alt rock band but you know what i mean).