i dont feel like i fit in any more - Page 3

BlackMilk · #11 06-22-2012, 01:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seventeen

when i got sober just over a year ago, i thought i could be a positive example to others here who might be struggling with alcohol or drugs. i have to say this is a difficult place to be a sober man trying to live his life by spiritual principles. i'm certainly not a saint. something about the environment is triggering - i find myself being as judgmental of others as they are of me. and i hate that. i dont want to live my life like that any more. being snarky and *****y to people does nothing for my cause or yours.

this isn't an "i'm leaving" thread. just observations i wanted to share and maybe others want to discuss what i've mentioned. but, if you don't see me around very much, just know that my life is probably going pretty good as long as i'm not posting here. i wanted to share this because i want to bring honesty into every aspect of my life, and i haven't really done this with kr very much. so there you have it. 17's feelings.

i do worry this might sound condescending. i don't mean it to be. you guys truly have a special place in my heart and i love the collective soul of kr. (ugh i hate that i just referenced a 90's alt rock band but you know what i mean).

Seventeen, my dear friend, it sounds like you are growing and maturing as a person. I have seen some picture of you on here, taken a long time ago, and you look like the sweetest child.

When I met you, there you were, a man. A grown up, mature human being, who commanded respect from every room you walked into. You are a white male, of course, but aside from that blight, you were the blackest, most mexican/asian person I have ever met.

I think it's natural to move onto new things, different things. It would be strange if this place elicited the same things as it did all those years ago. Back then, you probably drank **** from an aluminium can. Now you are drinking fine filtered mineral water scented with rare flowers that blossom once every ten years on the side of a ten thousand feet Japanese mountain.

Times, they are a changing. I appreciate, and I am sure kr does to, that you ever come here to post how you feel about this important issue.

May god bless you, dear sweet man. You are an angel. Too good for this place, as it is now, infested with the stench of white, translucent even, males.

BlackMilk · #12 06-22-2012, 02:20 AM

How dare you madam.

I demand a closed fist.

BlackMilk · #13 06-22-2012, 02:45 AM

I am 100% sure that if you came to the terrible Netherlands and we met up, there would be no fisting involved at all.

It would be lovely, and we would have a great time.

Do you like grunge or heavy metal music?

duplicitous · #14 06-22-2012, 03:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seventeen

this is a sincere thread.

i used to feel that kr was a place i could come and be as ****ed up as i wanted to be. and that was ok. i'd still be accepted. you guys wouldn't throw me out even if you did make fun of me for getting stds and being a resentful drug addict, or whatever. part of the reason i didn't mind was because there was always someone whose life was worse than mine. this is a group of misfits and weirdos and maladjusts and i got to be one of many. (no offense). i felt like i fit in.

when i was at my job and being a professional grown-up who traveled on business to another continent, and i was never convinced of my own abilities, i came here. and i could be crude and be honest about certain parts of my life that i couldn't be honest about anywhere else. i could let my hair down (or put my wig on) and act bat**** crazy when i couldn't act out in my real life.

lately i have been checking kr out of habit, but have had trouble connecting, and the drama isn't even as interesting any more. this has been building for a while. i feel disconnected on a deeper level, like something major has changed.

i feel so lucky to have people in my real life that i can be honest with now. about everything. i can talk about getting stds or giving myself dilaudid enemas and whatever. so i guess i'm not sure what brings me around now.

when i got sober just over a year ago, i thought i could be a positive example to others here who might be struggling with alcohol or drugs. i have to say this is a difficult place to be a sober man trying to live his life by spiritual principles. i'm certainly not a saint. something about the environment is triggering - i find myself being as judgmental of others as they are of me. and i hate that. i dont want to live my life like that any more. being snarky and *****y to people does nothing for my cause or yours.

this isn't an "i'm leaving" thread. just observations i wanted to share and maybe others want to discuss what i've mentioned. but, if you don't see me around very much, just know that my life is probably going pretty good as long as i'm not posting here. i wanted to share this because i want to bring honesty into every aspect of my life, and i haven't really done this with kr very much. so there you have it. 17's feelings.

i do worry this might sound condescending. i don't mean it to be. you guys truly have a special place in my heart and i love the collective soul of kr. (ugh i hate that i just referenced a 90's alt rock band but you know what i mean).

i empathise.

therealMisfitCult · #15 06-22-2012, 05:57 AM

I post here mostly because I hate my job, so I feel you there. And the few month break I took for kr was good but it didn't mean I was any happier of fulfilled, I just broke a bad habit and made another one eventually. But I get what youre saying. I mean you been where, what, like 10 years right? Gawd

It's like when people are on vacation and their always updating Facebook. Like, gurl, is yo vaca really all that?

But anyhow, what I mean to say is, MORE WIGS FOR ME!!