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I am living in a place with no heat at all and I am in all my clothes and a dresing gown under a duvet and a blanket and I am still cold which is making me not want to get out of bed and do proper things with my day so I am relying on kittyradio for distraction and entertainment.
ask me stuff or tell me stuff about you or tell me what I should read when I've finished reading my book or something.
__________________ Now honies play me close like butter played toast
oh! do autogenic training. i think im going to take it back up again. its very good to do and might even help you get out of bed and doing stuff. or it could make you have great sleep. and then have great dreams! or bad dreams, but dreams youll remember.
ive only been having dreams about work. about missing medications and over and over turning a patient and worrying baout all the lines and tubes. my whole live is subsumed by nursing.
i got some new fish, though.
one that looks like this. its a gold angel.
and five that look like this. they wiggle aorund together in a gorup at the bottom
and an oto. he eats algae
__________________ the cave mouth shines
by pure force of will
i look down on the world
from the top of this lonesome hill
and you can run, and run some more
from here all the way to singapore
but i will carry you home in my teeth
-mountain goats
i had a part of a winter in my boat like that, when i was still sorting out the fire place. sleeping in a woolly hat pulled halfway over my face, as well as all my clothes.
any luck with finding a boat? or was it just an idea. i asked my friend, but he's bought a sail boat now so is out of that scene, but he says he still has some contact.
i'm reading some john irving short stories, a very good one called the pension grillparzer.
dirtyplotte, what is autogenic training. will it cure my apathy?
I lvoe the first fish the best geek,
I want a pet at the moment (or a baby, a baby more really) but I don't have a proper home or anything.
What is autogenic training?
All of my dreams for the past couple of months have been sex dreams. (I finally had great sex with that boy I was writing about in the other thread by the way). Sex dreams is better than the kind of night terrors I was getting before though with weird panic attacks in the middle of the night about dying and the world ending.
what have you been eating lately?
DId you make that stew from the recipe I posted yet?
I've been eating ltos of stews and thai green curries and chickpea curries.
what music have you been listening to lately and what music does seth like?
__________________ Now honies play me close like butter played toast
kesh, I still want to do the boat thing. It seems harder to find one than I had first thought though, or more expensive at least. Anyway I have somewhere to live until the end of December so I won't start looking for a place until the beginning of December.
I am reading two books at the moment
the people of paper (that boy lent it to me), it's beautiful.
and mairanne faithfulls autobigraphy, which I am eating up at the moment.
how do you feel about Dave Eggers?
__________________ Now honies play me close like butter played toast
no im scared! i worry its going to be crap because i didnt do some magic like the other person.
autogenic training is this thing i used to do with reed, but it made me very jumpy and emotional. you lay flat and relax muscles slowly one area at a time and then progress into telling your body parts that they are warm like a hand. i never got the the hand warm part because whenever iw ould do it my limb that i was working on would spasma nd jump around and i would cry alot. or just get weirded out and jump around. its very intense stuff.
but i have talked with other people about this and i dont think this is a normal reaction? most people are able to complete the training and move on and get to control their bodies better, but i never could. its like my body is a bucking bronco.
__________________ the cave mouth shines
by pure force of will
i look down on the world
from the top of this lonesome hill
and you can run, and run some more
from here all the way to singapore
but i will carry you home in my teeth
-mountain goats
I didn't undersand what the first part was in asnwer to.
Have you ever had reiki before?
I went to see a healer recently (and I've ben to see her a few times before) and she did reiki on me and my body would not relax at all, it felt like I was swirling around and my eyelids were trying to jump out of their sockets and stuff and then I got this kind of thought tourettes too because she is a psychic and in trying to not thing anything bad I said the wors things in my head ever.
my body is a bit like a bucking bronco too. I have a jolt thing I get when I am laying down if I think a scary or exciting thought or jsut a big though my whole body jolts, sometimes my leg shoots out.
__________________ Now honies play me close like butter played toast
ive made the potato fennel soup again, and cornbread and salmon. eveything else has been survival food. like eggs, or tuna or peanut butter and jelly or apples.
the angel is prettiest, but the cories are hilarious and the oto is very useful. i like hard workers.
we havent listened to music. i havent knitted either. everything has been this damn job. i think ive got the work down though, after three months. itll take another year or so, before im comfortable really, but the hard part is over, i think. i was even thinking of quitting. its very stressful. i dont quit easily.
tell me in details how has the boy been?? i should make a chickpea curry. i have chickpeas dried, that i put in a water bottle so that seth could make a musical instrument. its very loud.
__________________ the cave mouth shines
by pure force of will
i look down on the world
from the top of this lonesome hill
and you can run, and run some more
from here all the way to singapore
but i will carry you home in my teeth
-mountain goats
I didn't undersand what the first part was in asnwer to.
Have you ever had reiki before?
I went to see a healer recently (and I've ben to see her a few times before) and she did reiki on me and my body would not relax at all, it felt like I was swirling around and my eyelids were trying to jump out of their sockets and stuff and then I got this kind of thought tourettes too because she is a psychic and in trying to not thing anything bad I said the wors things in my head ever.
my body is a bit like a bucking bronco too. I have a jolt thing I get when I am laying down if I think a scary or exciting thought or jsut a big though my whole body jolts, sometimes my leg shoots out.
having another person i dont know touch me, or "touch" me makes me more freaked and i dont think i could concentrate or not concentrate or whatever it is they want me to do. just the electricity of being near someone i dont know/dont trust is too much. my friend paula wanted to study reiki. shes a nurse. i hope she gets to do that. she has two kids and a shitty ex husband and has to spoend money on court proceedings to try adn get his rights taken away. he doesnt feed them when they visit and buys drugs and yells at them. he doesnt hit them, aqt least.
so if she did reiki i could have her touch me.
the first part was about the food. i cant make the stew because im not magic.
__________________ the cave mouth shines
by pure force of will
i look down on the world
from the top of this lonesome hill
and you can run, and run some more
from here all the way to singapore
but i will carry you home in my teeth
-mountain goats
you could make that stew great and you are.
I think you can learn how to do reiki on yourself? I had a boyfriend who did it once but I didnt like him doing it to me because I secretly hated him.
there should be more people teaching it for free though I think, it's pretty expensive to learn I think.
__________________ Now honies play me close like butter played toast
my housemate is a reiki apprentice or something, and my sister does it too. so i'm surrounded by it and dismiss it as hippy girly stuff. in fact my sister is going for a job at battersea dogs and cats home where she accustoms feral cats to people (ie herself) and she intends to reiki them.
I've only read a heartbreakding work of staggering genius. my friend told me to read it becasue she said my zine writing reminded her of dave eggers writing.
I will read that book, thank you.
the book I'm reading (the peoploe of paper one) is published by mcsweeneys.
__________________ Now honies play me close like butter played toast
Idk if my body is exactly a 'Bucking Bronco", you guyz.
But it's definitely uncooperative much of the time. :/
I don't think it's at all weird to hate being touched by random people whom you have no reason to trust emotionally. & I don't think it's all that uncommon either. Jmo.
I don't like being touched, most especially by ppl I don't know well &/or am not emotionally close to anyway. Which totally includes those I think have highly suspect motives, even if their alleged motives are claimed to be "helpful" or beneficial.
Just, NO. Stress stress stress freakout.
I've always blamed it on my Aspie-ness, tho I could well be wrong about that. Bc I am an Impulsive Hugger, of certain select people o'course..heh. So I just have an inconsistent Touching Criteria in teh brain ? Or sthng.
Gelf & Geekity, are you impossible to hypnotize as well? J/w.
"Autogenics" sounds too much like "Eugenics". Freaky name. And Reiki reminds me of stuff like "Colour Therapy" & suchlike fads.
Yoga is good shit, tho. So is dance.
Just sayin'.
Stay warm, Sarahgelf. Buy a Snugglesack? it's quite like a Sleeping-Bag-On-Steroids. V nice! <3
xxoo,
Chyia the contrary bitch
P.S. Geek, your patients are v lucky to have such a conscientious caregiver. Bc you really do. CARE, that is. Lotsa nurses, physicians, & other health care "professionals" just simply cbf & are jerks. <3
gelf!! a cold apartment is the worst. i even think it might be worse that a hot apartment. no chance of plugging in a small heater?
im so so tired at work, but also kind of euphoric. my boss at work hosts a dance party every month and last night i finally went. SO AMAZING. FUN with capital letters. its been so long since ive totally let go. i need to LET GO a lot more.
do this in your living room. the Cheryl dance. which i did last night at the Cheryl dance party.
__________________ "We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard-working, very patriotic, very pro-America areas of this great nation," she told the crowd.
Please read the following book: "Stalin and the Shaping of the USSR" by Alex De Jonge
I recently read this book and laughed harder at the insane criminal deviance in the book than I have ever laughed at any other thing in my entire life. Those who know the parameters of my life know that this makes for a very bold statement indeed. If you like "black as oil" humor, this book is your rosetta stone.
