omg what am I going to do. I hadn't done a pity thread since I was reborned as Dolores but I guess it's overdue.


It's so pathetic. Half the reason I go to university is hoping I will find something, SOMEONE to breaj me free of loneliness but it never happens and today I had a new class but it's the first week so no one shows really and I can't be bothered so I stayed home.


But staying home is becoming smothering. I would go out but I have to make an extra effort and the OCD just attacks me with a vengeance and planned socializing is not enjoyable anymore, I can only be at ease if it happens spontaneously or if I'm with someone I have real trust like a family member or something. Can loneliness be that relentless?? to the point where you really can't go out, like you have no support whatsoever? I don't know.


I'm listening to Amy Winehouse's Frank. She's the best thing to happen in music in the last 50 years. That's my life tonight, I mean her songs are so filled with life and emotion that it makes me feel better to listen to her because I kinda live vicariously through her songs.


So why are you at home tonight??? Assuming some radioers have no life like me.

I'm at home because the party's at my place!!!!!

So that means drunk posting on KR if it ends up being boring.

i am home tonight. but it's pretty much because i have to be -- i have a fever.

so, hey there kittyradio.

me too. i have the flu.

srsly HCH, do you ever go out?

__________________
let them eat cake

maybe you should just go out on your own tonight. you might meet some people. and even if you don't, it's still better than being stuck in the house.

i'm too high to go out. i managed to go to the corner to get the L.A. Weekly, my bible, all the events of the week.

i took some Lyrica pills & passed out, idk for how long. this time, these pills don't make me hungry, i have no appitite at all. i ate some strawberries & cherry tomatos. red & red.

I used to yes, every single friday and saturday to the hottest clubs and bars in town.

I think that there is some sort of irony always floating on top of me because I was so hungry for life in those two years I was partying, and I just wanted to live but I didn't have the dissapointment and the sadness and the fear I now have after the mire that was 2006-2007.

So when I got fired I was like "ok I'll just party again" and I tried to go out and the anxiety was just too much, my OCD had completely broke lose and I think I have developed social anxiety dissorder(wich I didn't have before) and I literally haven't gone out clubbing or socializing or anything in 6 months.

Now here is the irony part. I did go out ONCE and I was all worried I'll have an axiety attack or whatever, I just was hoping to get through the night peacefully and I ended up with the hottest piece of brazilian ass I've ever seen in real life and we had sex. It didn't work out in the end, predictably but I had life that day. And it was REAL LIFE, I MEAN I HAD A REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE, as opposed to "oh i want to live tonight" and simply returning home empty handed and drunk.

So, something in the back of my head tells me that now if I go out I will really find life as opposed to years back but guess what?? I can't be bothered. I'm too fucked up in the head and bitter to be doing that now. I'ts like I want to punish the universe, why didn't I get the things I wanted when I actually had THE DRIVE AND THE HUNGER to get them??? now I just have the need because I'm drowning in loneliness but not the drive or hunger for it, I'm too dissapointed and depressed for that. So I'll stay at home until I really feel like going out and I don't longer have the fear that posseses me when I say ok, I'll go out.

So that's what's going on

i'm actually at home on a friday and i'm very pleased! the boy is coming over and we're gonna have some drinks, watch a movie and fuck like bunnies in no particular order.

tomorrow and sunday we'll be at vfest so a night in will be great!

__________________

I hate you and your fucking corny asshole lame ass fucking nerd speech.

Fuck like bunnies???? get the fuck out of my thread!

I'm home cause I have to be up at 5am for work. But I would be home anyway all lonely and no life witch really sux cause I would really like to meet a nice girl some fucking day. I really am getting tired of being by myself. grrr. Where have all the good women gone???? Yeah I know i'm a loser. Whatever.

__________________
Sorry, I've lost my tolerance for the arrogance of the ignorant.

HAHA as much as I hate you, going insane + listening to winehouse on a friday night is basically a staple for me too..

i should have gone out after work

i feel remorse

__________________
you'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking

where do you work??

and working on weekends sucks royal ass. I had to work on sundays on my last job, it was death,.

that was me last night toooo.

__________________

Maybe you could send him like a coat hanger or soup mix in the mail with a post it-
"when you paint with your eyes closed, you never become picasso, you just become an ironic narcissist with uncomfortable shades".
Throwing people off is thrilling.

-ktlr

I got kick3d oyt of my own pRTY. well I left it, but then my friends put me to bed. I wish I was 21.

I'm gonna kusten to Amy Winehouse too. I made a fool of myself. I went to a store and was a jackass and I pased out. ((((


I love you all kr.

lol.

i had the most amazing party night of my life on campus tonight. its 5 in the morning, and I'm enjoying my comedown period, listening to Bjork, sleeping for 5 hours, getting up to go to the liquor store to buy, well, liquor, and then get drunk before watching a football game, after which we will all get drunker and party. Oh, frosh week.

But at least you inspired me to listen to Amy Winehouse.

I'm sorry your friday was shitty, to everyone. But I mean, is clubbing really "living??"

no it is not. But it is a distraction from the infinite black hole and darkness inside.

I could have gone out but chose not to, now I regret it... bleh