Seriously, I moved to London, because that's the center of Life (at least in Europe for sure) and everything that is happening is available here.
Before that I used to think that life is passing me by, because I'm in a wrong place, now it's all evolving around me and I'm still not fully taking on it.

I do go to quite a lot of gigs and some occasional Theatre, indi cinema and exhibitions, but still feel that it's not enough.
Every time I buy Time Out I have a panic attack because there are SO many things going on and there is not enough time to do it all! I want to do so much more things, visit all the places, read all the books!

But then, I can just lead a static life with the lap top in my room for days! Instead of going out and experiencing things, meeting people.

I forced myself into the center of Life and it's still passing me by and that are supposed to be my best years!

(Don't pay attention, I'm probably just having a pre-birthday depression: plus one more fucking useless year)

life(like that) is lame

haha

this is why i moved out of scumdun ( ) after 3 months: i think it reminded me too much of the life gong on around me

so i moved to coventry hahaha

how the hell is 'life' listening to a bunch of drunk amateur bands, cramped in a room stuck on the internet is far more like reality nowadays anyway. welcome to it. all that shit outside is the 'imaginary' fantasy reality. THE WORDS ARE THE REAL.. don't let that 3rd dimension confuse you.

lol. cov is the heart of scum

trying not to panic about that is probabl the best approach. i know what you mean, i see so many things i want to do that my brain overloads & then i get depressed because i think i can'tpossible fit them all in & make valuable use of my time.
but i think we juts need to relax. i'm learning to.
you don't always have to running out & "experiencing things". just do the things that you like. pick a few things to immerse yourself in & go for it, but leave yourself lounging around on the internet time, too. you're not some machine that can just take in massive amounts of culture & music & philosophy without some downtime on an internet message board on msn, or livejournal, or whatever it is that just lets you turn off for a bit. that's part of being human too, you know.

great advice.


i would say, i can absolutely relate to this. panic is something i have to fight.

one thing i have learned, is that there is no life, no feeling like you're a part of anything, unless you stop just TAKING IN, and start putting something out into the world. seeing movies, talking to intersting people, reading books, going to galleries, seeing other cities, thats all great but you have to think about how you will enforce yourself onto life and this window of time that you are here, instead of waiting for life to enforce itself onto you by taking in things that are produced by others. you have to start to produce. and kind of get it out there, dont be private about it.
whatever that means to you, volunteer work, writing, perfomring somehow, creativity, esp collaborative creativity........ it all adds a sense that you are adding something into the huge passing stream of life instead of grabbing some of it. your own influence needs to be present in the world, and in at least a small degree to others around you. then you'll feel a part of it. you'll magically start taking more interest in things, people will be drawn to you cause it shows a desire to be a part of the world, and that kind of energy is so great.

did you ever see the movie the misfits? theres a part where eli wallach tells marylin monroe that she has the gift of living...while everyone else just sits and watches life. thats just the energy of people that want to be a part of something, they want to participate, they want to be good at something, to give something outwardly. they take an interst, not just to know, but to be part of. if you seek to do that, everything takes on the sense of like, i want to know about this person, i want to know about this or that, i want to experience it. start producing something with your mind and you'll find that things you want to see and experience will come to you. and youll feel them more.

dooes any of this make sense?

basically be like me


omgz

snapping the eternal thawng of redemption

the sound of one thawng snappin

if a thawng snaps in a forest and there's no one there to hear it snap, do you think it makes any sound?

Now, now let's not bug the messiah with trivial questions while he's working on his presentation to the physics community of "g-string theory."

I shall go sit on the fist of contemplation

I feel like this at times.

I live in The People's Republic of Screen..........

It's approx. 2-3m squared in area.

perfect sense to me.

Finding some ways to release the creativity was the major challenge for me. I finally turned back to playing the violin, which I didn't do for more than 10 years. Guess it helps in a way.

But above all I have high hopes for the business venture, that I'm trying to set up with my friends at the moment. It would be my dream life come true if we succeed and would give me the opportunity to have my creative input in the world and would also keep me really involved in the things I'm interested in. I really hope it will bring me the long-desired feeling of self-actualization.
It HAS to work!
That's what really keeps me going at the moment.

But then I'm scared that once again I put my hopes into the future "where all is well", while life is happening now.
I totally understand that I have to live life, not to watch it and it requires some input. The problem is I need more determination and confidence now.
Ever since I recovered from the depression last year, things are not quite the same. I'm scared I'll go back to where I was (mentally) all the time.

The collection of random thoughts, but whatever. Thanks for participation!

I think you're fretting unnecessarily. Just the fact that you're conscious of the risk of going back to the depressed state you were in before is actually a big preventative measure to NOT returning to such a state. You seem like you're doing really well, I think you just seem too stressed and hard on yourself. Moving to London shouldn't be about pressure and stress to enjoy yourself, it should be about slowly becoming settled and comfortable enough to enjoy yourself more. Give yourself some time! I find wherever I live, regardless of how much of a bustling cultural centre it is, I am still the same person who needs lots of down time to relax, be alone, vegetate, read etc. That's how I recharge. Just be selective about what you want to do, and make it fun, bring along a friend when you can, don't worry about seeing everything and being a cultural anthropologist or something.

(I am also having pre-birthday blahs, so I wouldn't be surprised if all if this is coming from that, birthdays are annoying! )

life is so overrated.

Eh, life is a big revolving buffet table with you in the center. If you keep grabbing desserts, you'll get diabetes and die. Sometimes you should grab a sandwich. And sometimes you're just not hungry at all.

fucking hell. last week I spent two nights in a row doing fuck all except watching Family Guy on DVD and eating cheese and cucumber sandwiches with salt & vinegar crisps.

but then you're probably young and I'm old enough to have trouble with my knees.