I can't eat and I can't breathe and I can't stop crying.

I took him into the vet yesterday. They put him into the hospital. He was xrayed and they ran more tests. I saw the xrays, and his heart is ravaged with cancer. His chest/lung area has fluid in it. It's not fluid though, it's blood. He's only got a few days left here on earth.

I'm torn as to what to do. The vet thinks that the kindest thing is to put him to sleep. I'm seeing her on Monday morning to discuss it. In the meantime, here's what I have to weigh:

Pros:

Sid can still walk short distances
He's happy to just sit around and check things out
He loves hanging out with us
He's not in any pain, my husband picked him up, squeezed his belly and his organs, no whincing or yelping, none of that;
He's drinking Ensure and liquids;
I have on these drugs that are draining the 'fluids" in his lungs;
He still has full control over his bladder/bowels
He appears to be scouting out unusual places to lay, causing me to wonder if he's going to die on his own really soon anyways

Cons:

He's having a difficult time breathing; sometimes it's really scary sounding;
He can't eat
He's not interested in much of anything anymore
He's finding unusual places to hide in the yard, probably to not be around us because he doesn't want us to see that he's dying.

Would you kill him yet, or let him die at home at this point? I so don't want him to suffer, but if I put him to sleep even a moment too soon, I'll never get over it.

Either way, it's breaking my fucking heart, but I would rather let him die at home at this point. If he gets worse, then I'll have to do the deed. Right now, I wish I could die right along with him. I don't think I'll have any heart left to break after this.

You guys would have loved Sid if you could have met him. Everyone did. Hell, the people at the vet's office were crying when they had to give me the news. They asked me to come in late so they could all sit with me and we could cry and shit.

that's really, really sad.
I'm very sorry. It must be hard if a beloved pet dies after many years spent together.

as for the decision you have to make: I'm afraid I can't help you...I don't know what I would do especially after what you've listed...

aww

tellhim hi for me

I am so sorry Tracy.

that sucks, i'm sorry

How would he die? Would he starve to death you don't want him being all hungry & crap right? Then again you don't wanna kill him :\

. . . keep him at home.

You poor things. I feel so bad for you. I really don't know what you should do. Wait until you talk it over with the vet, they should have an idea of how much discomfort he'll be in if you leave him at home? I don't know what I would choose if I were you.
Are the medicines and things definitely not going to do him any good? There's no possible way of making him better? Maybe there's something they can give him just to make him feel a bit more comfortable until the end even, just so you can have him at home with everyone he knows and all the places he knows.

I'm so sorry for you and him.

this is what happened to my cat. i had to have her put to sleep, she was in so much pain, it was awful

how sad. im so sorrry, that is so hard to go through

this kinda of thing happened to our bulldog which id had since i was 4. we decided to have him put to sleep to cause him no further pain. im not sure what to do in your case. its soo ahrd and i really feel for you. pets are like family

tracy, i'm so sorry
if he's not in any pain i would just keep him home

It doesn't appear that he's in pain. He's a big guy and I can't pick him up but my husband can, so he did. He squeezed his tummy and his organs and stuff. Not a yelp or flinch or cry. None of his limbs are paralyzed or disabled. He can still piss and poop on his own volition. He's drinking a lot of Ensure and eating Peanut Butter.

However, the vet just called. Wanted me to have the number of this other vet who's on call the weekend just in case Sid takes a turn for the worse. He's doing a little better, except his breathing and he can't walk really far because he's too sick.

My husband is totally against putting him to sleep right now or anytime soon. I'm still for Sid dying at home. This is the place that he loves and the major things that usually signal horrible suffering aren't happening to him...yet.

I hope I'm doing the right thing. I think I am. He seems happy to be here still. I'm gonna miss that big guy. You have no idea.

you'll know what's best for him, you know him better than the vets so you're probably doing the best thing for him.

Tracy, I am extremely extremely sorry that this is happening to you
I understand the position you're in right now- it's one of the most difficult positions to be in in the world. It's excruciatingly hard to let go of something that you love so much, but it's equally excruciating to see them suffering. Nobody could blame you for going with either option. No matter what you chose to do, I hope you'll remember that Sid loves you with all his heart and he always will, and he wouldn't want you to suffer either. Deep down he would understand either decision you made.

I wish that this wasn't happening to you. Sid sounds like such an amazing dog. You all must love him so much.

If you ever need to vent to someone, I'm here for you. I hope you're going to be okay

I'm so, so sorry tracyr. i can't answer the question - even the thought of having to choose freaks me out.

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then she dances skirt swaying in the half-light she dances white blossom in the black sky
'I need new clothes', she thinks, 'new skin, a mind I can bear to live in'.

I really feel for you. It's totally devestating to be put in that position. I'd keep him at home, where you can be comforting. If he's in pain, get painkillers from the vet. I'm so sorry.

i would still put him to sleep. they didn't suggest any type of surgery or do a procedure to drain? they're gonna over charge you on that, either way. for some reason my mother asked how much it was to cremate (sp?) our cat roxy, & the vet actually told us $500. I don't even want to see how much it is for a human.

if you do put him to sleep, and believe me i know how hard it is, you can usually be there with them to comfort them which i personally think is a nice way to do it.

our one cat hide the day he died, all day. my grandmother went to pick him up & he did a little movement, and that was it.

i'm so sorry

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God I'm so sorry Tracy. It's hard to say what you should do. But if you and your husband think it would be best for him to die at home and it doesn't appear that he has any pain and still enjoys being at home, perhaps that would be good for him. *hugs*

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"How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself."

"I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing."

"I will not be just a tourist in the world of images, just watching images passing by which I cannot live in, make love to, possess as permanent sources of joy and ecstasy. "

-from the goddess that is Anaïs Nin

im really sorry tracy. ive had many pets die over the years and its heartbreaking. i would let him stay home. being at the vet could just scare him and at least he'll die in a peaceful comforting place.