The hardest lesson to learn is that you can't save those who won't save themselves. Which sucks, but that's life.

I have a friend who is an absolute nightmare, mainly because he was sexually assulted from a young age by his father which ultimately lead to him getting into relationship after relationship after relationship with men who were 1) older and 2) violent, so the cycle of abuse was always a continuum. He denies that this is a case but he has been seriously fucked up by these guys, especially the last.

Now, I have always maintained a safe distance from him because no matter what advice you give or how much you try to care, he continually puts himself in the position of victim. I sometimes think he derives pleasure from this, which is sick to say, I guess. Anyway, he always finds these kids who are in his boat and he tries to offer them mentoring, but it never works out because he becomes emotionally attached and dependant on them. Why? Because he's never taken the time to deal with his own issues and he flips the tables hoping they can ultimately save each other.

It's very sad because this kid is super smart and would be a great activist or public servant but his past dictates his present (and future).

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Pastor: No one is born gay.
Bill Maher: Really? Have you met Little Richard?

someone.. more like everyone:

my mother from herself and her bipolar disorder, my father from his violent and self destructive behavior, their marriage for our family, my sister from failing out of school and getting in lots of trouble, my best friend from her drug addiction/alcoholism and incredibly damaging behavior with men, my exboyfriend from his depression and substance abuse issues, etc. etc. etc.

it didn't work in any case. despite giving it all i had.
and believe me, i gave it everything.

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I've been a 'hot mess' for some time now and up until now I have had that whole I need to save people thing, mainly my parents. I still feel like that in a way, but I've learnt how to at least dettach when I need to. When you start feeling despair over something you can't control, it's time to seek some help. Which I did.

A couple of my friends have big issues they're dealing with right now. Though I love them and it hurts me know they are going through something hard, I know I cannot save them. My counselor (hehehe, yes it sounds funny) asked me if I was trying to save them and no, I am not. I am only trying to be a friend. Progress?

I think there are only two people you can really save...one is yourself and the other is someone that really wants to be saved, which is just them saving themselves....which just reinforces the idea that you can only save yourself.

wow, too bad I didn't read for philosophy

I saved a random guy once from getting hit by a car in Manhattan. He absentmindedly started crossing the street and I saw a car coming towards him really fast; and by reflex i just grabbed his arm real hard and pulled him back. He said thank you and all that and we went to our merrry ways. Fin.