In my many years of drinking and causing mayhem, I have dealt with many cops, been under threat of arrest many times, but have never faced a felony charge, only been cuffed three times, only indicted twice and only convicted once (of Pedestrian in Roadway, a low level misdemeanor). This despite the fact that, by all rights, I should probbaly be in a federal Pound-You-In-The-Ass prision. What's my secret? In general, I follow these guidelines when dealing with cops:

1. If I know I am totally innocent, I am totally honest with the cops: I know this may sound counter-intuitive to some of you, but if you have nothing to hide, then don't hide anything. Law enforcement officers tend to have pretty good bullshit radars; they may not know what you are hiding, but they usually know when you are hiding something, so if you are truly innocent, let everything out. Give them every detail, tell them every truth, agree to any test, no matter how absrud the story is. Be honest, tell the WHOLE story, and 99% of the time you will be fine.


2. If you are kinda guilty, i.e., you did something wrong but it wasn't that bad, supplicate yourself to the cop and place yourself at their mercy: I cannot tell you how many times a cop has caught me driving and I blow a .05, or a cop will catch me peeing in an alley, or some shit like that, and I have gotten out of it. How? I apologize profusely, I cooperate all I can, and, well...I act like a little bitch, to be honest. There only thing the average cop hates more than all the bullshit that comes along with arresting someone on a small charge is the guy who did the small charge giving him attitude. If you do something small and stupid, by being nice and submissive about it, you give the cop a reason to let you go. Be a jerk, and you give him a reason to take you in.


3. If you are guilty and know it, shut the fuck up: I cannot emphasize this enough: If you are truly guilty, like for real did some serious shit wrong--SHUT UP. You may think cops are dumb, but chances are they know the law better than you and can trap you in a lie, no matter how smart you are. The reason they are talking to you is to get you to say something incriminating or to pin you to a story that they can compare against later testimony. If you know you are fucked, the only possible way to unfuck yourself is to not give them anything to use against you and get to your lawyer ASAP. Most criminals get convicted, in part or in whole, on evidence that they gave to the police.

i dont get caught doing stupid things.

Do you spend all day making lists?

omg you are so fucking gay
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/sh...?t=3032&page=1

or you know if you live where i live just run like fuck because the cops in my town are to fat to run and basicly have a heart attack trying

wow, you sound so cool

^^^^ was aimed at thread starter

I'm just wondering why you feel the need to come into every forum on this board and give us yet another of your little guides to life? Fuck off and write a self-help book or something.

If you clicked the link I posted, you would see they didn't even write that, jsut copied from another forum and pretended to write it.

haha, what a genius.

this thread made me laugh.

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When the glitter fades in the morning, turn away and you will find my empty eyes....your beauty blinds.

Thank fuck. I thought Starfish was back for a minute there.

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"They call me BLUD, they call me RUDE BOY, they call me OI, they call me MATE, that's not my name!"

haha me too!

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first impressions are cheap auditions
situations are long goodbyes

wow. i was pissed off that day haha.

???????/