| I just have a few things I wanted to tell you
Hey cutie, I just have a few things I wanted to tell you so we can have some closure. So yesterday I tell my sister to give me her myspace password so I can log in and do a little internet stalking. The first thing that I saw was that you now have a new man, now you know I hate everyone but he looked like a tool to me (pics of him with guns, ha ha ha, come on we both know real gangsters don’t take incriminating pictures of themselves, I mean if they are really bout it, bout it). What was important to me was that you seemed happy. I am also happy in a new semi relationship, but you know you were always the sexiest girl to me. I always told you that in my eyes, even with all of your (as you called them) blemishes, I never even saw them, you were the hottest girl I ever met. All I saw was you and how beautiful you were. I have to be honest it hurt a little to see you with someone else but I knew someone was going to scoop you up and I was surely going to find another girl, part of being a pretty nigga.
You were really one of the best people I ever met. You had an unbelievable heart, you are beautiful, smart, loyal, funny as fuck, and I never met a girl as sexy as you. The problem with us is that you always felt negative, you were never really happy. When you were happy there was honestly no one else I wanted to be with. When you were upset it was very difficult for me because I am extremely positive and I felt like sometimes you took your negative feelings out on me, not because you wanted to, but I really felt like you felt shitty and then tried to give yourself a reason why you felt this way (usually me). I know this happened because there were times when I wanted nothing more that to lay in bed with you and get along and laugh and sing your theme song: upset Jess Da Da Dat Dadat dada. I know I wasn’t the only one to see this, I know you remember when Bonk said that you were cool to everyone but me. I loved you regardless and I always wanted to make you happy. Through time I learned that your happiness was out of my control. This was our biggest problem. Second biggest problem was your jealousy that I believed stemmed from insecurities. I know I have a lot of issues too, I know I am out of my fucking mind, but I hope you know I couldn’t help myself, I have a lot of mental illness in the family. I never would have intentionally hurt you with it, but I know it made things difficult. I know you understood me cutie, and I understood you, I didn’t agree with all of it but I understood.
I don’t know if you will even read this but if you do the one thing I would like to do is give you the BIGGEST hug and tell you I love you, and I always will. The one thing I regret is not knocking you up, like I told you that would be a way for us to always be in contact no matter what the status of our relationship. I know that our kid would have been the cutest bundle of love also aggressive as fuck and probably a genius.
I hope in the future you will realize you can do ANYTHING you want, you have so much potential. I hope everything works out with your family. And above all else I wish you HAPPINESS. I always loved you and always will, I told you that even when you hated me I NEVER HATED YOU. You are beautiful inside and out. I hope one day you will call me again and maybe we could be friends. We are like Bobby and Whitney, you turned me into a degenerate for you my little pit bull.
So I am glad I wrote this because now I feel much better, kind of like I had to purge myself of these feelings. I don’t think this is the end for us, but I have been wrong before. I just hope if you read this you realize that I did and do love you and only want the best for you. Next time your mans hitting it do me a favor and call him Josh.
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