Shadows and projections - Page 11

Sophia_ · #51 05-12-2008, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kesh

this is so steven seagal

kesh-- you're a wildman!

Ophiel · #52 05-12-2008, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sophia_

"With love and courage our true friends tell us what we need to know; others, out of social convenience, only tell us what we want to hear."
~~carefulcarpenter

And that means what, in this context, exactly?

Sophia_ · #53 05-12-2008, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ophiel

And that means what, in this context, exactly?

Quote:

Meeting Our Oppisites in Husbands and Wives by Maggie Scarf

It is a fact of marital reality, well known to experts in the field, that those qualities cited by intimate partners as having first attracted them to each other are usuallu [/]the same ones that are identified as sources of conflict[/i] later on in the relationship. The "attractive" qualities have, in time, been relabeled; they have become the bad, difficult things about the partner, the aspects of his or her personality and behavior that are viewed as problematic and negative.

The man who was, for example, attracted by the warmth, empathy and easy sociability of his spouse may at some future point redefine these same attributes as "loudness," :intrusiveness," and a way of relating to others that is "shallow" [egocentric]. he woman who initially valued a man for his reliability, predictability and the sense of security he offered her, may--farther down the line-- condemn these same qualities as dull, boring and constricting. Thus it is that the admirable, wonderful traits of the partner become the awful, terrible things that one wishes one had realized in time! Although they are, throughout, Identical qualities, earlier and later on in the relationship they go under different names.

.....

Projections tend, generally speaking, to be exchanges-- trades, so to speak, of denied parts of the self, which both members of the couple have agreed to make. hen each one sees, in the partner, what cannot be perceived in the self-- the struggles, ceaselessly, to change it.

If you interpret these words in regards to how people react to others in their environment, or websites, one will see how projection applies itself in normal interactions between individuals and in groups. We tend to be attracted to the traits which we lack. For this very reason I have not shown much response to others as I observe their reactions to my postings.

I do not superficially stroke people's ego. This is a common social convenience that falsely leads people to assume that someone likes them, whereas in most cases the persona is used to control and manipulate one's environment to gain favors and popularity. In trying to be authentically myself in public I found people prefer those who stroke the ego over people who actually honest and authentic. It has answered some questions for me about group dynamics vs personal interactions.

Very few people really find love because they haven't learned how to identify it. This, I feel, is because of misperception of others due to a dominance of egoic forces which cause a sort of blindness to love. Sadly, few people have been interested in learning love, such as the concept I am wanting to write about: Marerophilia. Maybe I am too ahead of my time? Maybe I'm just an egocentric obsessive jerk and should drop the idea that I could teach people to know how to identify authentic love? I know how much people prefer the ego-supporting notion of Romantic Love.

Ophiel · #54 05-12-2008, 02:42 PM

It's anything but a straight answer with you, isn't it, Soph?

Isn't it?

Sophia_ · #55 05-12-2008, 02:46 PM

..

Quote:

Rage....jealousy....lying....resentment....blaming ....greed....
These forbidden feelings and behaviors arise from the dark, denied part of ourselves--the personal shadow. Everyone has a shadow, which begines to develop in childhood as a result of stuffing away negative feelings in order to build a proper ego(healthy). We encounter our shdows when we feel an unexplained dislike of someone, when we uncover a log-buried unacceptable trait in ourselves, or when we feel overwhelmed by anger, envy, or shame.

But the shadow is not only an individual problem. Groups and nations have a collective shadow, which can lead to dangerous actions. such as racism....scapegoating....enemy-making.... and war.

Although we think of the shadow as containing only darkness, as Carl G. JUng stated, its essence is "pure gold".