FSTDT Top 100

Enjoy.

Nice link. Some of those are pure comedy gold.

"several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years."

LOFL.

Seriously, these creationists are a barrel of laughs. A couple more beauties:

"If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies arent born monkeys."
"how come we cant speak monkey."

Oh man. I love you for that link. Anyway, I'll stop posting them, we can all read for ourselves, but these ones definitely deserved prominence.

i didn't. i was scared. really scared

__________________
they made soup out of my research turtles.

The creationist ones are good but all much of a muchness. The one I really love is the guy who says: "Without the Bible, I would have killed many, many times". Seriously, wtf?!

thank you for this. this is wonderful. my favorites so far:

[on the sunject of a Bible printing company]

Yes, that is a great company. I bought one of their large print version (old eyes... what can I say?).

The only thing I don't like about them is they sell foreign language versions of the KJB. I don't think that's right. We know the only true translation is the 1600's version in English.

It's too risky for anybody to translate that into other languages. Mistakes can creep in... and that can lead to heresy. True Christians should only read English.


[continuing his hard-on for the KJV]

If your original Hebrew disagrees with my original King James --- your original Hebrew is wrong. If your original Hebrew agrees with my original King James, your original Hebrew is right.

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Check. Fucking. Mate.




I'd like to add in the name of balance that fundamentalism is not the only source of stupidity; most of these quotes are no more retarded than your average Sophia_ thread.

"[about a girl being born with mental disabilities] This girl is like a leper so what she needs to do is try and find god. if she really believes she can be healed from this state, she will be healed from this state. Most afflictions like this are caused by sins committed while still inside the womb. If she can repent for what she does god will embrace her and make her as human as you or me but if she chooses not to she'll always be like this god tests every one of us "

can anyone even name a sin a fetus could commit in the womb? i hope this lady births a child with profound retardation/downs/autism/ or otherwise; then you talk to me about dealing with special needs children and how inately wicked they are.
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"If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol "

so from this i can estimate that his girlfriend has banged atleast 7 guys before him. and that his eventual wife will have atleast 2 trailer-babies from a previous "relationship".
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"A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire."

just a note, to the world, 73% of all sexual assult is comitted by non-strangers, and of that 73% the largest majority of rapists are family members of their victims.
(source: rainn.org)
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bleh. i can't read any more of these. the creationism ones don't really bother me. who cares if you think the world evolved, or was created by god? to me, what matters is how you treat other people -- women, children, other humans, specifically. and if anything, the trend i saw in alot of those quotes was flat-out sexism. themes like "women who're raped deserve it", "girls who have premarital sex are hellbound, but men who fuck them are goin' to heaven", "rape babies commit sins in the womb" (also implies the mother is somehow corrupted).

i think it's prefectly fine to believe that the world was created by God, and to carry on in life that way. but i think the PROBLEM is the larger sociopolitical culture of "christianity" (specifically fundamentalist/evangelical sects) that usually goes along with creationism: and those ideas are simply lies.. and unchristian (i think) lies at that. ideas such as "poor people are lazy, and that's why they're poor, they don't deserve our help" (in direct contrast to the overwhelming biblical theme of chairity), and "women need to be controlled/men are superior" (irrational in the modern political context, and untrue historically), and "non-christians are wicked, evil, demons of people" (yes, because all those super militant, angry buddhists are really out to get us?).

and that people who believe in creationism, get sucked into the rest of that crap.

i think you can be a creationist and be rational. but i think it's easier/trendier (within that "jesus camp" type of christanity and community across certain areas of this country)/and more socially acceptable to follow the rest of the group, even if the rest of the group is misguided.

Yeah, I get the impression that some of this comes from evangelical atheism. I hate the idea that someone will just mericlessly bully someone for their beliefs, unable to accept that they don't care about the evidence. That's where the bogus science comes up, and I hate that. It's one thing to ask for faith from people, and quite another to lie to them. But if people left them alone, it wouldn't be necessary. That's why you've got people insisting carbon dating is wrong etc.

But yeah, as you say, it's the ones who use their religion as an excuse to treat people badly that are the real problem. To think of other people as subhuman is sick no matter how you justify it.

They do make some valid points. This for instance:

"Athiests as a Majority

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END

Scary, isn't it?

The Prince of Pain, GameTalk [Comments (581)] [2007-Jan-01]
Submitted by Savrin "

To quote the Kerrang forum: I would pay to see that movie.

This one's my favorite.


Just imagine vast fields of our sisters in Christ -- sisters brain damaged and comatosed, never to mentally return to this Earth full of sin -- inserted into pods that are themselves connected to a myriad of wires and hydraulic tubes (I know, it sounds exactly like the Matrix, and I freely admit, although it's certainly a very evil movie, some of the imagery is inspiring and inspired this post). The pods will be the most comfortable places on Earth, playing soothing music like Bible hymns and Mozart, their insides like a massage chair and covered in silk. A few intruding wires and tubes will, of course, have to connect to the women inside the pods to monitor their temperature and overall health, as well as the babies' of those that are pregnant. And of course there will be one tube reserved for the insertion of a man's seed whenever the women are at their most fertile. And only the best semen will be used. I haven't quite settled on a selection process yet, but I'm thinking some sort of Christian council could perhaps vote on the man who is honorable and moral enough to breed generations of these children. Perhaps one man won't be enough, for a little bit of diversity is always good. We should, therefore, most likely have a multitude of different men, one of each race. When the children are born, they can be sent off to special adoption centers, where they can be delivered to good Christian parents who are unable to themselves breed. Those that may be left over can be raised in God, brought up in Christian schools, where prayers are said thrice daily (at least), and in the summer, they can be sent to Jesus camp. If the schools are as good as I envision, then these children will make the perfect leaders for our future. But not just leaders, for if this idea is near as good as I am thinking, we will breed enough of these children to one day make up a huge percentage of our population, such that they can elect only the most Christian of people to the government. So even those that are not the brightest and best can contribute to God in some way.

I am certain that one day, the fundamentalist Christians and Wahabis are going to join hands

They need to get the Orthodox Jews on board. I mean, it's practically the same god.

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Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.

I escaped somehow. Let's go

actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter

<<A man can have sexual pleasure from a child as young as a baby. However he should not penetrate, sodomising the child is OK. If the man penetrates and damages the child then he should be responsible for her subsistence all her life. This girl, however does not count as one of his four permanent wives. The man will not be eligible to marry the girl's sister.>>

Is this actually a Fundie? Because the only Christian grouping I can think of that has these sort of backward laws are Mormons.

<<They need to get the Orthodox Jews on board. I mean, it's practically the same god.>>

Nah, the Jews don't want any converts. They have their whole excusive club.Wahabbis and Fundies are all about taking over the world.

if getting my babycooch drilled gets me out of marrying one of those freaks, then I'd be more than happy.

They're still capable of getting really angry about stuff. That's the key. I mean seriously, if you don't pay taxes, let the gay Israelis who do (and who also served in the army, unlike you) have their march!

__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.

I escaped somehow. Let's go

actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter