Misfit, that is really cool that you have someone to do this with. I think this is a tricky thing that lots of people don't exactly "know" what they're supposed to be feeling or looking for.
It's been my experience that as I've gone through different stages, people have been put in my path who are sort of there to help me through things or to teach me different lessons. Some of it isn't real pleasant, but it's MY responsibility to learn from them.
Sindy, I used to feel the same way, a long time ago. My problem was, I kept on surviving through some really bad shit, and while I should have been really happy about it, I didn't like the way I felt. Yet, I did feel that there was some sort of higher power around me. I detest manmade religion, Christianity in particular, so I was very messed up about it. But I was open to making myself the best person I can be, which includes messing up, taking responsibility for the mistakes, and LEARNING from it. So, that's what I did. Started with the therapy, and ended up in sobriety at 21. Started trying to find my soul, if I had one.
I would be incredibly sad and closed up if I wasn't aware of all the spiritual lessons (i.e., karma, why things are put in my path, love, forgiveness, empathy, etc.) I admittedly don't understand the praying, chanting, rituals, and all that crap. That's not me at all. So for me, spirituality is staying open to the lessons around me and learning from them so that I become a better person in my soul.
A practical example: Here on
KR: I try to always apologize when I realize that I've hurt someone unnecessarily, otherwise, it's bad karma. Plus, it's just really negative energy that stays out there on this board. We all know that I got myself into some very bad drama here that I regret very much. I'm not going into the details, but I've learned a lot about having empathy and caring about the well-being of another.
That's my kind of spirituality. Not in a religious sense, but in my sense.
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