So today is the 14th anniversary of my mom's death. For a few reasons, it's hanging on me very much this year. But I was thinking about what makes me so sad is that shortly before she died, my mom said that she felt like her life didn't amount to much because things didn't turn out as she had hoped.

This got me thinking: are you a journey person or a outcome person?

Is the value of anything, career, relationships, family, all of it more rooted in the outcome or your expectations becoming reality? Or is the sum of the total journey and all you experienced what you value most?

I'm a journey person.

i'd like to be a journey person but i'm more of an outcome person. i focus on what i want not what i'm doing in the present & how it is shaping me. after some time passes i'm able to look at it from a journey perspective but never in the moment.

I'm definitely a journey person.
I'm in a high pressure academic environment and most of the other people take it all so seriously (I do too, to a point) but ultimately I learn something from everything, including my failures. I think it was Edison who said something like:
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work" and that's kind of how I feel, if that makes sense.

__________________

i am a bridge.

how did your mother died??


I don't know, I guess I am a little bit of both. I always dreamed of having this fabulous larger than life, life but nothing really happens.

I'm like Jennifer Aniston on the good girl. nothing ever happens.

I'm depressed and sometimes I want to die, you know, normal depressive thoughts, but who am I kidding?? I wouldn't like to miss ANYTHING, so I don't want to die but my life is so lame, I'm really not living at all, maybe lack of drive, who knows.

I'm missing out on everything and I'm really scared of amounting to nothing.

Ah, this is the issue I've been struggling with for the past year and a half or so. When I was 18/19 I was living in the moment every day, my life was so fucking exciting and I was doing so well ... then everything fell apart, I moved back in with my parents, and I can't seem to get out of this rut. I stare at the wall and daydream most days ... I don't know. At this point I've realized I'm only hurting myself and that I only have myself to blame. So I guess I'm more of an outcome person at this point in my life ... but I'm working toward becoming a journey-er.

To me, when I was focused on the outcomes I was a hell of a lot more miserable because frankly, life can't be predicted and security is really a delusion. One day you're up, the next you're trash. I was able to manage lifes hard hits better when I abandonned outcomes, but I absolutely get where you're coming from.

Normal depressive? Wanting to die isn't normal. Wanting to crawl into a cave and hide for all of eternity maybe, but I'm glad to hear you don't seriously plan your death.

I think we all thought life would be the big grand thing and maybe it's disappointing that it isn't what you thought, but life is indeed what we make it in the end I suppose.

My mom died from an aortal rupture. I was 21. Changed everything for me forever.

I assume I'm a journey person, only because the outcomes don't look very good on paper.

But oh, the things I've seen.....

I think being alive is the most precious thing to achieve
just existing
then everything comes next
we put some pressure on ourselves we don´t realise to what extent who we are/and what we do mean so much, and how grateful we should be and how we´re loved. We can´t measure how meaningful our existance is.

i'm both.

im neither im not really journeying towards any particular outcome?
haha i dunno

Oh...the little things are so much more important. Grand expectations are a sure path to hell. Be grateful for the simple things and then the bigger successes will have a good foundation. "

"Reach for the stars with one solid foot on the ground. We can live in two worlds at once: heaven, and earth. Lest not forget to plant some wildflowers in your rose garden"
~~carefulcarpenter

__________________
Marerophilia:
A depth of love that youth can seldom appreciate or communicate;
A love that never can die for it is a wild seed living inside us, and it is what it is;
Love: that which bonds the reality of one's being to the mystery of the unknown;
Wildflowers: evidence revealed."
~~carefulcarpenter

there is a thing about being open to outcomes, but not attached to outcomes. and i also don't mean to start an argument.

but most expectations, whether realised or not, do not end up in hell and death. most times people expect an outcome, SOMETHING happens, whether it is exactly what is intended or not...and so in the long run...people have expectations -- zen masters who are utterly detached from outcome are not 'rare' - but they are not most people either.


most people expect something to happen, something. sometimes people can be detached with relaxation...that doesn't preclude caring.

Unrealistic expectations are a plague on the spirit. Nothing precludes caring. If one cannot care for the welfare of others, they seldom can care for themselves. Empathy means seeing oneself and acting in the behalf of the other. Detachment means standing outside of the situation so that action is true, unconditional, and from the pure heart.


"When I reach out with love and kindness I have no greater expectation than of rejection and disdain; for the other must receive unconditionally as well, and receiving often implies 'future reciprocation' to a taker. I do not make this distinction as I give of myself wholly, and with authenticity"
~~carefulcarpenter

__________________
Marerophilia:
A depth of love that youth can seldom appreciate or communicate;
A love that never can die for it is a wild seed living inside us, and it is what it is;
Love: that which bonds the reality of one's being to the mystery of the unknown;
Wildflowers: evidence revealed."
~~carefulcarpenter

Amounting to nothing? Without sounding like a hippy, that is your ego talking. In that sense, perhaps you are worrying that you haven't left your mark. That's not the worst thing in the world. Most of the people who have left their mark have been murderers or warlords, and human existence is only temporary, so they too will be forgotten eventually.

But that's not all. A dull life? Everyone feels like Jennifer Anniston in The Good Girl at some point in their life, though sadly I've never felt Jennifer Anniston. Perhaps you just need to change your life. Make it more interesting. Doing a 9 to 5 monmday to friday and then getting pissed at the weekend is not the only way to live your life. All you have to know is that there is always an alternative. There is always something else you could be doing with your life, you can do more or less anything you like, don't be limited.

All I will say is travel, read and in whatever way you choose to, enjoy your life. You (probably) only get one!