So today is the 14th anniversary of my mom's death. For a few reasons, it's hanging on me very much this year. But I was thinking about what makes me so sad is that shortly before she died, my mom said that she felt like her life didn't amount to much because things didn't turn out as she had hoped.

This got me thinking: are you a journey person or a outcome person?

Is the value of anything, career, relationships, family, all of it more rooted in the outcome or your expectations becoming reality? Or is the sum of the total journey and all you experienced what you value most?

I'm a journey person.

i'd like to be a journey person but i'm more of an outcome person. i focus on what i want not what i'm doing in the present & how it is shaping me. after some time passes i'm able to look at it from a journey perspective but never in the moment.

I'm definitely a journey person.
I'm in a high pressure academic environment and most of the other people take it all so seriously (I do too, to a point) but ultimately I learn something from everything, including my failures. I think it was Edison who said something like:
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work" and that's kind of how I feel, if that makes sense.

i am a bridge.

how did your mother died??


I don't know, I guess I am a little bit of both. I always dreamed of having this fabulous larger than life, life but nothing really happens.

I'm like Jennifer Aniston on the good girl. nothing ever happens.

I'm depressed and sometimes I want to die, you know, normal depressive thoughts, but who am I kidding?? I wouldn't like to miss ANYTHING, so I don't want to die but my life is so lame, I'm really not living at all, maybe lack of drive, who knows.

I'm missing out on everything and I'm really scared of amounting to nothing.