| Random rambling on my part, nothing new So I was going in a taxi on my way to work, and I see this woman that had this really weird sagging skin on the left side of her face, but it wasn't normal, it was lots of sagging skin, it made her look like her skin was melting, it was horrible.
I felt so sad for her, I just wanted to scream. I wanted to go to her and somehow heal her and make her have a normal face, I hope it's not a serious condition. I just felt so impotent. I really feel bad when I see those things, it might not seem like it but I'm very empathetic, and it's fucked up because I get really sad and tormented because of other people's suffering.
It got me thinking, seeing that girl, on how uneven life is. I mean some people are born with sick bodies, or deformed bodies like hers, while other people are born differently, like this co worker I used to have that looked like a GREEK GOD it was unbelievable just to watch him. Everytime I saw him and everytime I talked to him, I felt really lucky just to watch him and be a witness to so much effortless beauty. Is that ridiculous?? I was just mesmerized by him all the time. AND he was a nice soul. A huge gap between him and her, when it comes to their bodies, it's horrible.
Why does it happen?? I don't know. I believe that we chose our bodies upon birth but when I see those examples, I can't help but doubt that statement. Is there a point to it?? I hope not.
Sometimes the world can be so dangerous and horrible I just want to escape it. I've been very lucky in my life because I've never been sick or anything like that, but even though I've never gone through something like that, I can't be detached from it, it's still happening to a fellow human being and it hurts me in a way.
I also feel foolish because I've been very depressed the last few months because of my STAGNATED career that never takes off, and it just really depresses me, but I realize it's nothing and meaningless compared to other people's suffering. But then, does that mean that my feelings of sadness and dissapointment about my career and life are not valid? I think they are valid and important to ME only, but I need to keep my perspective in check and realize that outside of me it's not important, and I am lucky. End of rant. |