So I was going in a taxi on my way to work, and I see this woman that had this really weird sagging skin on the left side of her face, but it wasn't normal, it was lots of sagging skin, it made her look like her skin was melting, it was horrible.

I felt so sad for her, I just wanted to scream. I wanted to go to her and somehow heal her and make her have a normal face, I hope it's not a serious condition. I just felt so impotent. I really feel bad when I see those things, it might not seem like it but I'm very empathetic, and it's fucked up because I get really sad and tormented because of other people's suffering.

It got me thinking, seeing that girl, on how uneven life is. I mean some people are born with sick bodies, or deformed bodies like hers, while other people are born differently, like this co worker I used to have that looked like a GREEK GOD it was unbelievable just to watch him. Everytime I saw him and everytime I talked to him, I felt really lucky just to watch him and be a witness to so much effortless beauty. Is that ridiculous?? I was just mesmerized by him all the time. AND he was a nice soul. A huge gap between him and her, when it comes to their bodies, it's horrible.

Why does it happen?? I don't know. I believe that we chose our bodies upon birth but when I see those examples, I can't help but doubt that statement. Is there a point to it?? I hope not.

Sometimes the world can be so dangerous and horrible I just want to escape it. I've been very lucky in my life because I've never been sick or anything like that, but even though I've never gone through something like that, I can't be detached from it, it's still happening to a fellow human being and it hurts me in a way.

I also feel foolish because I've been very depressed the last few months because of my STAGNATED career that never takes off, and it just really depresses me, but I realize it's nothing and meaningless compared to other people's suffering. But then, does that mean that my feelings of sadness and dissapointment about my career and life are not valid? I think they are valid and important to ME only, but I need to keep my perspective in check and realize that outside of me it's not important, and I am lucky. End of rant.

that's an odd belief - is it part of a religion or something?

i dont think we do.
really it's billions of tiny genes and cells milling around in circles growing and growing, and if there's just one of them, who can't follow directions, you could end up stillborn, with downs, with deformities, etc. i think it's just a natural expression of randomness in nature. i have a rosebush, and it's yellow roses, but last spring it grew a pink one, for no reason, or ryhme. her sagging skin an unlucky random malformation, an unfortunate series of events that resulted in that specific condition. it's just a far more human and connectable condition than others. you can see it and associate it with struggle, whereas you might see another person suffering from Autism, and see no physical representation of the genetic mutation that causes all their pain. it's all just probability. eventually it'll all happen to someone.

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yes, it's a metaphysical and kabbalistic point of view.

hmmm kabbala (sp?) - that's jewish, isn't it? i thought it was more of a traditional religion

it's jewish misticism. But it's also more metaphysical christian science. It also has to do with the karma principle and stuff, that you basically chose or plan most of your life and the people you'll meet since before you get here.

sounds cool but i don't believe in anything lol

I was thinking about something similar to this the other day. I just pondered on the fact that we have existed for millions of years, and even though genes can fuck up and people are born sick or deformed because of such errors, as a whole, millions and millions of people get born and recycled and then born again and the genes keep coming up with simply perfect bodies that work, you know?? it0s marvelous.