A girl who is a friend of mine (she lives in Germany) Ive visited her and we regularly write letters back and forth and send little stuff with the letters.

Well in her last letter she revealed to me that her new "boyfriend" is actually a girl. She said she was a bit nervous telling me but she felt that she could tell me and not worry but still a tad paranoid because some of her friends at college ditched her. Some other pen pals from other countries she kept up with wont write to her anymore since they found out. She doesn't consider herself lesbian....not even bi before this, it just happened. It was totally unexpected but she's happy now with her.

Deal is she is totally bummed out about people ditching her because she's going with a girl and what could I tell/send her?? she's paranoid and her self confidense is down. She was a big Piscean dreamer before hand that wasn't so good at coping with anything so she's this nervous fragile little thing.

cool saying/affirmations/advice would be good.

Its had to know what to say to your friend, without knowing what sort of a person she is - otherwise you just sound totally generic.

But try to let her know that not all her friends have abandonded her.
And those that have, probably wern't worth knowing in the long run anyway.

I dunno.

*goes to think*

haha YES, this was what I was trying to avoid, thanks for the reply unlike the 40+ jackasses that viewed but didn't bother.

So does she call her partner a 'boyfriend' when it is really a 'girlfriend'? Do they take hormones and stuff? Or is it just a lesbian relationship?

Or does she just say "my partner"?

Just say that you're still friends with her & that you're cool with whatever decisions she makes.

__________________

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trev_Mc_Don no i really hate unfunny people like u go slit your wrists

Have you sent the letter yet? Ok, whatever you say should come from the heart. Honesty is essential, and you need to look inside your heart and consider how she makes you feel. What do YOU want to say to her? It should be fluid. Put yourself in her shoes, and try to imagine what might comfort you. Tell her that you care about her and that you'll always be her friend. If she ever needs someone to talk to, you'd be more than happy to listen.

Were I in your position, I would first and foremost express my utter SHOCK and HORROR at the fact that people ditched her over this, or indeed, that they were even affected. This would remind her that there is nothing wrong with what she's doing, and that there are people out there who know that. If her friends abandoned her over this, they're obviously not worth her time and she should be grateful that she can now separate the good people from the bad. Why would she want to associate with such close-minded people? It must be so hard for her losing friends, and you must offer your sympathy and support, but also remind her that there are advantages. Tell her to hold her head high, she is better than them. Her life is better because of this, more genuine, and she should look upon it as an opportunity. I would lastly express my enthusiasm to see her again so that we could have a great old time. And while your condolences should comprise a good chunk of the letter, be sure to dedicate other paragraphs to what ye would usually talk about.

I hope your friend feels better anyway.

If I was your friend, I'd like to hear that there was at least someone in this world who felt like celebrating the fact she has a partner that she's happy with. The best you can write to her is that you are pleased she's happy (if you are, of course), and that her partner being a girl isn't a big deal (unless you feel it is). I suppose that's how I would feel and what I would write.

I'd put myself in her shoes and try to imagine the extent of hurt she is going through that her friends have ditched her. Make sure she knows that she will not get ditched by you and that you support her.

Tell her that the people who ditched her obviously weren't true friends to begin with. It's their loss, not hers.

no just a lesbian. she only told me that once (a boy) before she had the courage to tell me it was another girl. Now that I know she just calls her, her girlfriend and she normally does. And they love each other very much!!!

And yeah, I WAS really shocked that people ditched her, thanks guys btw!!! I haven't sent it yet, Monday now...

Same sex relationships really aren't that big of a deal these days. Let her know you are there for her support etc and that her choice of partners is HERS and NOT her friends.

Tell her to join KR

wtf germany dyke central tell her to move to berlin

Hey! Why wasn't this thought of earlier? Ha.

I'd like to think that's true, but I'm always shocked to hear blatantly homophobic remarks from people you'd think were otherwise "nice" and open-minded. I live in the suburbs though.

Well in comparison to about 30 years ago, it IS easier. In general, I do think that attitudes are changing.

oh yes, definitely they have, and thank god. Some people are genuinely open-minded and accepting, whereas others just think "ewww", and are threatened and offended or perhaps perplexed by what they perceive as the gay person's "deviant choice".

Which is why I'm not shocked by BleedingHeart's penpal being abandoned by people she thought were her friends.

I have many acquaintances who I know would distance themselves from me if I 'came out' to them. They're nice people otherwise, which is why I give them the time of day, but homosexuality is just taboo to them - or not in their realm of "reality" for lack of a better word.

It's always about "a friend", or a friend of a friend, isn't it?

Just be real and stop referring to yourself in the third-person, dyke.

BH is married you gayshit.

burn her a copy of show me love/fucking amal i reckon she might relate