turns out my exboyfriend is gay.
he's just realized this. he comes from a VERY STRICT religious family, who're in no way ever going to tolerate the gayness. his friends are the same, infact the 6-7 years i've known them "fag" is probably their most commonly used word.

he's already withdrawn from college, let out in his apartment lease, and is selling his car -- he's talking seriously about killing himself, and saying he's sorry, but he can't BE gay -- it won't work out, but that he is.

in all honesty, it WONT work out, he'll get shunned and abanadoned by everyone around him, except maybe me.

WHAT THE HELL do you tell someone in this situation, other than "it's okay to be gay"?????

uhm really though. my cell phone got stolen this morning, so i cant even call any of my gays for advice.

I thought this thread would be heaving by now

oh my fucking god. you need to write a graphic novel about your dealings with this boy.

i dont know what kind of advice to give here at all. but then, my recent break-up with a lez has disillusioned me.

good luck.

i really need to know where tallulah went.

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except fuck you.

He can just pretend to his family. If he wants to keep in touch with them, he may have to suck it up and admit that it is the best way. Of course they'll assume, but if they're a good repressed family it'll never be mentioned.

I saw a doco the other day about an ex-Mormon coming out as gay and playing gay rugby (which as a rugby fan I found to be vaguely gross), and frankly I couldn't have been less impressed with his progression from Sweet Mormon Missionary to Fat Gay Fool gushing about how he's now smoking pot, has changed politics and made out with "a hollywood actress" on the dancefloor of a gay club. Which got me to thinking, when I read this...

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Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.

I escaped somehow. Let's go

actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter

but what did you tell said lesbian?
or was she totally okay with being such, so there was nothing to say?


at this point, if/when he does kill himself, and i get the second police phone call at 8am asking me questions, and asking me to come down to LA -- i'm not going to be surprised. maybe some people just aren't ment for life.

anyway. he said he was sorry and bunch of times, and that it just wasn't going to work out, and that he was going to go drink and go to sleep -- which isn't totally abnormal, but he's dropped out of school, ended his lease, and put an ad up for his car -- which leads me to believe (combined with the fact that he straight out said it himself) that he's planning on commiting suicide...

i dont want to call the LAPD for nothing.. and if he wasn't going to do it tonight, and i call them... it might trigger him to do it sooner rather than later.

this sucks. i have finals to worry about, instead of this shit.

the only thing you can tell him is that it's okay and lots of people go through this. so many gays are exiled by their families, but some grow to accept it - and if his family can't deal with it, then it's their problem.

he can get new friends. if the friends he has aren't going to still be friends with him just because he likes the cock, then they aren't worth it.

you need to get him to realize that the people who shun you for being gay aren't worth his time and certainly aren't worth killing himself over.

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He doesn't need to tell anyone if hes only just realised I guess

oh god. he'd never play rugby. he HATES sports (that shoulda tipped me off...). he's also not fat. i think it's hard to get fat when you're a coke addict.

i think his family already knows...
but it's the weight of them knowing/judging that's the problem. not the actucal coming out. i think.

hell if i know, i'm not gay. i'm not even a teeny bit bi. i tried, it was disgusting.

what do you mean he just realized? i've never heard of that happening...

i guess in that situation it is a big deal, so i would tell him that if his parents and friends are so homophobic that he should just stay 'in the closet', with them at least. he probably just needs a lot of positive, encouraging thoughts.. err. i dunno. i never really understood why it's such a big deal so i'm not much of a help.

thanks. this is useful.
but, i always suspected he was gay/bi. and he was ALWAYS repulsed by this idea, and would get really angry about it. but apprently, last night he totally realized he's infact gay, and he was unaware this could be a possibility before.

so it's all hitting him at once... and he's not taking it well. i'm trying to be rational and point out what you said, but he keep saying "you dont get it, theres not a point, you dont get it.."

don't freak out over this guy. you've already made it clear how much shit he's given you in the past, and how he's pretty much just a psychotic drug-crazed drama queen. i mean... he doesnt even have to tell anyone, if he's not ready to.

if he's not cut out for life, then that's his choice. and umm, why would he sell his car if he was going to a place where he didnt need money?

the lesbian ex-girlfriend doesnt matter. she wants to be a functioning lesbian, but she never will because she's scared of everything and has no ambition and should really just stick to cats because she sucks with people. oh well!

i feel responsible, in that aspect. i dont want to be the one with all the 'positive encouraging' that sits with him in teh closet and helps him along. i feel like i already wasted 6 years doing that with him, and that he needs to stand on his own two feet this time. but i also realize that suddenly having the epiphany that you're gay can be a little (or alot) earth shattering -- and is a valid reason for needing support.. but i dont want to support him anymore. which is bitchy and shallow, but i feel like i can't do it anymore.

can't i turn him over to like a gay support group or something?
do those even exist?

i think he's also probably being dramatic about the suicide. he may think he's going to do it, but when it gets to actually carrying it out, he won't, and then he'll be stuck without a car and school etc. maybe you need to send him to counseling with an IRL gay.

did you tell him that god still loves the gays?

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That wasn't really the stuff this thread was reminding me off. Lots of straight people hate sports, lots of gay people like them... He should worry about his coke habit first anyway.

Well if they already know, how are they acting/reacting? If he wants to keep in touch with them, he should maybe not rock the boat and see how things go. Will they keep talking to him? Will they ever bring it up? They'll probably just let sleeping dogs lie...

__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.

I escaped somehow. Let's go

actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter

yes! you should be able to find one locally.

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he's not religious, so i doubt he cares about jesus in all this.

but he attempted suicide last spring, by ODing on heroin, and SHOULD have died, but somehow didn't. so i know he's capiable of doing it, and last time it was this same pattern "i cant deal.. its not going to work out (sobriety/our relationship).. you dont get it, you dont understand, sorry, sorry, you dont understand" and then i went and got my wisdom teeth pulled, and the next morning i wake up to the fucking LAPD calling me.

he's indeed dramatic, but i know that underneath his crybaby act, he really is disturbed enough to do it.

i dont know about the car... i think he'd sell it because it's a tricked out honda SI that he put alot of time/work into, and he'd want someone else to enjoy his stupid status car?