Fuck Tucker. Tucker Sucks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vVjw...eorge%20Carlin

I wish I could find video of the Hippy Dippy Weatherman.

I have often used his brilliance in my signature.

__________________
"Moderate intoxication includes additional abnormalities such as hyperactive bowel sounds,"

Carlin quotes!!

- At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

- Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

- Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

- Electricity is really just organized lightning.

- Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

- Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, andanyone going faster than you is a moron.

- I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

- I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

- I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

- I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

- I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

- I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

- I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

- I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.

- In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.

- May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

- Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

- Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

- The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

- The status quo sucks.

- The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

- There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

- There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

- Think off-center.

- Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

- Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

- What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

- When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

- When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

- Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that."

i am anxiously waiting to see the artistocrats.

i hear him daily since my son loves thomas the tank engine

ps - didn't he come out and say he had cancer awhile back?

thanks to george, and a babysitter of mine, i can belch the entire alphabet and a few words and sentences too.

http://www.g4tv.com/attackoftheshow/...y_Make_It.html
"seven words you can't say on tv" scarf
there's a better pic of it in one of the knitting or craft lj communities, but i couldn't find it.

hes the best

Actually this is just a place for my stuff, ya know? That's all, a little place for my stuff. That's all I want, that's all you need in life, is a little place for your stuff, ya know? I can see it on your table, everybody's got a little place for their stuff. This is my stuff, that's your stuff, that'll be his stuff over there.
That's all you need in life, a little place for your stuff. That's all your house is: a place to keep your stuff. If you didn't have so much stuff, you wouldn't need a house. You could just walk around all the time. A house is just a pile of stuff with a cover on it. You can see that when you're taking off in an airplane. You look down, you see everybody's got a little pile of stuff. All the little piles of stuff.


And when you leave your house, you gotta lock it up. Wouldn't want somebody to come by and take some of your stuff. They always take the good stuff. They never bother with that crap you're saving. All they want is the shiny stuff. That's what your house is, a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get...more stuff! Sometimes you gotta move, gotta get a bigger house. Why? No room for your stuff anymore.


Did you ever notice when you go to somebody else's house, you never quite feel a hundred percent at home? You know why? No room for your stuff. Somebody else's stuff is all over the goddamn place! And if you stay overnight, unexpectedly, they give you a little bedroom to sleep in. Bedroom they haven't used in about eleven years. Someone died in it, eleven years ago. And they haven't moved any of his stuff! Right next to the bed there's usually a dresser or a bureau of some kind, and there's NO ROOM for your stuff on it. Somebody else's shit is on the dresser. Have you noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff? God! And you say, "Get that shit offa there and let me put my stuff down!"


Sometimes you leave your house to go on vacation. And you gotta take some of your stuff with you. Gotta take about two big suitcases full of stuff, when you go on vacation. You gotta take a smaller version of your house. It's the second version of your stuff. And you're gonna fly all the way to Honolulu. Gonna go across the continent, across half an ocean to Honolulu. You get down to the hotel room in Honolulu and you open up your suitcase and you put away all your stuff. "Here's a place here, put a little bit of stuff there, put some stuff here, put some stuff--you put your stuff there, I'll put some stuff--here's another place for stuff, look at this, I'll put some stuff here..." And even though you're far away from home, you start to get used to it, you start to feel okay, because after all, you do have some of your stuff with you.


That's when your friend calls up from Maui, and says, "Hey, why don'tchya come over to Maui for the weekend and spend a couple of nights over here." Oh, no! Now what do I pack? Right, you've gotta pack an even SMALLER version of your stuff. The third version of your house. Just enough stuff to take to Maui for a coupla days. You get over to Maui--I mean you're really getting extended now, when you think about it. You got stuff ALL the way back on the mainland, you got stuff on another island, you got stuff on this island. I mean, supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.


You get over to your friend's house on Maui and he gives you a little place to sleep, a little bed right next to his windowsill or something. You put some of your stuff up there. You put your stuff up there. You got your Visine, you got your nail clippers, and you put everything up. It takes about an hour and a half, but after a while you finally feel okay, say, "All right, I got my nail clippers, I must be okay." That's when your friend says, "Aaaaay, I think tonight we'll go over the other side of the island, visit a pal of mine and maybe stay over." Aww, no. NOW what do you pack? Right--you gotta pack an even SMALLER version of your stuff. The fourth version of your house. Only the stuff you know you're gonna need. Money, keys, comb, wallet, lighter, hanky, pen, smokes, rubber and change. Well, only the stuff you HOPE you're gonna need.


From George Carlin, A Place For My Stuff, Brain droppings, 2000.