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05-02-2006, 10:15 PM
|  | Play it as it lays | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Tell her I'll be waiting in all the usual places.
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| | | Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner I'm surprised no one posted this here yet. Being of fan of Colbert since his Daily Show days, I found this highly amusing: Part One Part Two
Part Three
I'm also reminded of a quote from Stephen from an interview in which he discussed his upbringing (being the youngest of 11 children and coming from a strict Catholic household); his siblings asked him, "Why are you such a pinko?" | 
05-02-2006, 10:44 PM
|  | teh haxx0rz was unikorn | | Join Date: Apr 2006
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| | | it was amazing! i loved this. | 
05-02-2006, 10:44 PM
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| | first time I'm seeing these... thanks  | 
05-02-2006, 10:48 PM
|  | she dances | | Join Date: Apr 2006
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| | | It's hysterical to see Colbert do his schtick while the president is sitting next to him at the podium. thanks for the link.
__________________ then she dances skirt swaying in the half-light she dances white blossom in the black sky
'I need new clothes', she thinks, 'new skin, a mind I can bear to live in'. | 
05-02-2006, 10:57 PM
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| | | yeah i just found these before. i dont have a tv so i guess i dont hear about things like that.
whats the rest of the 'liberal media' saying about it? | 
05-02-2006, 11:16 PM
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| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by W. Wanker yeah i just found these before. i dont have a tv so i guess i dont hear about things like that.
whats the rest of the 'liberal media' saying about it? | Most are trying to say that Colbert 'bombed' or that he 'wasn't funny.' Tucker Carlson being a douche
Out of all the networks covering it, C-SPAN was the only one to show Colbert in his entirety. Others (especially FOX) cut to commercial or cut Colbert short.
Some of the reaction from his detractors is downright hilarious.
And to reveal even more of what a LiberalCommiePinkoetc. I am, I look forward to what Bill Maher has to say about this on his show this week. | 
05-03-2006, 12:03 AM
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| | | oh man, I can't wait for Maher. Wish I had HBO so I could see it, someone youtube it! | 
05-03-2006, 12:50 AM
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| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by Altangel oh man, I can't wait for Maher. Wish I had HBO so I could see it, someone youtube it! | The only reason to have HBO is for Maher, another comedy great I've admired since Politically Incorrect. There's been some discussion in my househeld concerning whether we need all of our digital cable channels, and I nearly volunteered them up until I remembered Real Time with Bill Maher.
I could spend hours on youtube watching all the available clips of his.
EDIT:
Just an amusing quote from this article: Quote:
" 'Colbert crossed the line,' said one top Bush aide, who rushed out of the hotel as soon as Colbert finished. Another said that the president was visibly angered by the sharp lines that kept coming.
" 'I've been there before, and I can see that he is [angry],' said a former top aide. 'He's got that look that he's ready to blow.'
| MTV.com, the Washington Post, Salon.com, and USA Today are the only media outlets to give coverage to Colbert's appearance.
Last edited by Ninjabot! : 05-03-2006 at 01:01 AM.
| 
05-03-2006, 01:05 AM
|  | stop stop stop | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Dagobah
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| | | Carlson is such a fuckin lameass. and im so sick of dudes like that piping about the "liberal media," he's gotta be a secret service agent or something. american media is owned by 6 huge corporations who all say the same thing. arent multi-billion-dollar companies usually run by rich white guys? don't rich guys stay rich by voting republican? im sick of our media pretending there's an alternate voice to the mainstream one they cram down our snouts.
They are gonna make a joke out of him, like charlie sheen, without actually confronting any of the facts.
Steven Colbert is awesome. five bucks says he either changes his tune, or has a mysterious accident, sometime soon. | 
05-03-2006, 01:06 AM
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| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by Ninjabot! I'm surprised no one posted this here yet. Being of fan of Colbert since his Daily Show days, I found this highly amusing: | well, we actually do have a thread about this...since the day after he spoke: http://www.kittyradio.com/soapbox/showthread.php?t=1866
but glad youve appreciated it as well. it deserves all the attention it can get. | 
05-03-2006, 01:15 AM
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| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by unpearl | Oof. I feel somewhat tarded out now. But yes, it deserves plenty of attention, so I'm glad to do my part. | 
05-04-2006, 07:02 PM
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| | | thats no reason for it to sink to obscurity.
BUMP. everyone should go watch the president get ripped. its great fun. | 
05-09-2006, 02:33 AM
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| | Quote: |
Originally Posted by W. Wanker thats no reason for it to sink to obscurity.
BUMP. everyone should go watch the president get ripped. its great fun. | Quite True. I'll do my part as I did birth this thread.  | 
05-10-2006, 11:11 PM
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| | copywrite infringement  | 
05-11-2006, 12:08 AM
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| | | FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO READ IT:
E&P published the first account of the affair on Saturday night, and has presented numerous stories -- and dozens of letters to the editor -- since. But you be the judge. Here is a transcript of his speech, delivered in his usual faux-Bill O'Reilly voice. It closed with a video segment, not transcribed here.
***
COLBERT: Wow, what an honor. The White House Correspondents' Dinner. To actually sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper -- that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face.
Is he really not here tonight? Dammit. The one guy who could have helped.
By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
Mark Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, my name is Stephen Colbert and tonight it's my privilege to celebrate this president. We're not so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up.
I know some of you are going to say "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone." Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.
I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow.
Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome. Your great country makes our Happy Meals possible. I said it's a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible -- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all, I believe in this president.
Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.
So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.
Okay, look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback. I mean, it's like the movie "Rocky." All right. The president in this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed is -- everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case I guess would be the vice president, he's yelling, "Cut me, Dick, cut me!," and every time he falls everyone says, "Stay down! Stay down!" Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually, he loses in the first movie.
OK. Doesn't matter. The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.
I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.
Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite-powered car! | 
05-11-2006, 12:09 AM
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| | | And I just like the guy. He's a good Joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am. I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist, telling us what is or isn't true, or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American! I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.
The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will.
As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side.
But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.
Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.
But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the Decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!
Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!
Now, it's not all bad guys out there. Some are heroes: Christopher Buckley, Jeff Sacks, Ken Burns, Bob Schieffer. They've all been on my show. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.
See who we've got here tonight. General Moseley, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They still support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld.
Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni and that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.
Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in a little while. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
John McCain is here. John McCain, John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There's no predicting him. By the way, Senator McCain, it's so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light, sir.
Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar, I guess is what I'm describing.
Joe Wilson is here, Joe Wilson right down here in front, the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god! Oh, what have I said? [looks horrified] I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along "Joe Wilson's wife. "Patrick Fitzgerald is not here tonight? OK. Dodged a bullet.
And, of course, we can't forget the man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name, "Snow Job." Toughest job. What a hero! Took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq.
Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Big shoes to fill. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. | | Thread Tools | | | | Display Modes | Linear Mode |
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