I can't eat and I can't breathe and I can't stop crying.
I took him into the vet yesterday. They put him into the hospital. He was xrayed and they ran more tests. I saw the xrays, and his heart is ravaged with cancer. His chest/lung area has fluid in it. It's not fluid though, it's blood. He's only got a few days left here on earth.
I'm torn as to what to do. The vet thinks that the kindest thing is to put him to sleep. I'm seeing her on Monday morning to discuss it. In the meantime, here's what I have to weigh:
Sid can still walk short distances
He's happy to just sit around and check things out
He loves hanging out with us
He's not in any pain, my husband picked him up, squeezed his belly and his organs, no whincing or yelping, none of that;
He's drinking Ensure and liquids;
I have on these drugs that are draining the 'fluids" in his lungs;
He still has full control over his bladder/bowels
He appears to be scouting out unusual places to lay, causing me to wonder if he's going to die on his own really soon anyways
He's having a difficult time breathing; sometimes it's really scary sounding;
He can't eat
He's not interested in much of anything anymore
He's finding unusual places to hide in the yard, probably to not be around us because he doesn't want us to see that he's dying.
Would you kill him yet, or let him die at home at this point? I so don't want him to suffer, but if I put him to sleep even a moment too soon, I'll never get over it.
Either way, it's breaking my ****ing heart, but I would rather let him die at home at this point. If he gets worse, then I'll have to do the deed. Right now, I wish I could die right along with him. I don't think I'll have any heart left to break after this.
You guys would have loved Sid if you could have met him. Everyone did. Hell, the people at the vet's office were crying when they had to give me the news. They asked me to come in late so they could all sit with me and we could cry and ****.