[Wildwoman]

Ok, I should just register on one of those boards for wimmin with advanced baby rabies, but this is my board. I google and lurk every now and then, and it's comforting to see that everything I'm thinking about is normal in my situation, but, frankly, they're kind of twee. I'm sure these are lovely, lovely, women who would be a great source of support, but I'm not sure I can take people wishing me sparkely baby dust in the manner in which it was intended.

So, I think I have my period. I'm pretty sure I have my period. I almost definately have my period. BUT...

(We all know what TMI is, right? TTC is trying to concieve, and it's among a million acronyms used by only by crazed middle-aged wanna-be mommies, but TMI is more generally known, right? If you don't know, you will by the next paragraph)

At noon today there was a brownish smear on the toilet paper, which is how my periods usually start. I think that normally by ten hours later, I would actually be bleeding full-out, but do I know this for sure? For twenty-five years as soon as I peed and saw the brownish smear, I said 'Oh, I have my period,' and went on with my life. But...

I have, for a week or thereabouts, been having bloody cervical mucas, which is not as gross as it sounds, it's just brownish instead of clear or white-cloudy (ok, maybe it is as gross as it sounds). This is commmon for the beginning of my period, but certainly not for a week or more beforehand. Also, and this is more grasping at straws, for a couple of days this week I had an unusual spate of burping (jumping on any little oddity and calling it a pregnancy sign is among the things my lurking has confirmed as normal). I don't never burp, but not that often, and I can't remember ever having a spate last that long (I was actually not comfortable having to talk on the phone at work). My boobs hurt, but that's among several things that are a sign of early pregnancy or PMS.

Back to the bloody cm, this can actually be a real sign - implantation bleeding. I'd read about it before, and I looked it up again. At around this time in the cycle, if you conceived, there can be bleeding related to the implanting of the embryo. It can be as little as what I've had, as much as spotting, and is often mistaken for the start of a period.

I was thinking that my period was due tomorrow, as that is 28 days from the last time. Although last month 28 days actually corresponded to today, and I had practically convinced myself I'd done it, until I was about to go out and buy a test and there you go. I generally am 28 days reliably, although a day or two on either side isn't unheard of.

I bought a pack of tests anyway last month, and I was going to take one tommorow or Sunday if my period hadn't started. Really, it should have been Sunday, because that would actually be late, but I was probably going to do it tomorrow. Technically, I am still going to do it tomorrow, if my period hasn't started in ernest, but it probably will have.

I thought about taking one when I got home, but didn't let myself. You are supposed to do it when you first wake up, or it's less accurate. When I had a miscarriage without knowing I was pregnant in the spring, I did take a test in the evening and it did come out positive, but I was, by the doctor's later estimate, about a month pregnant.

Of course, you can spot while you're pregnant, you can bleed while you're pregnant, you can even bleed so much as to think you have your period while you're pregnant, which is why I didn't know I was pregnant when I had the miscarriage (I assumed I had cancer until I took the test). Last month, I took a test even though I'd had my period, because I was becoming mildly preoccupied with the fear that I was going to have another miscarriage and this time it might happen on the subway or at work. So if I take one tonight and one tomorrow I'll be out (two-pack, with a free digital test, which I've heard isn't as good), and I'll have to buy more. I'm trying to not test all the time, especially when I'd have an excuse to dismiss a negative, I only let myself do it before because I wanted to know that I wasn't.

My fertility awareness book has a cartoon about a greeting card pregnancy test with the following instructions:

1) Pee on the card
2) Throw the card away, it's yucky
3) Wait nine months. If you've had a baby during that time, you were pregnant when you took the test.

Probably as good as anything else.

[discolexy]

i really hope you have a baby soon x

[Wildwoman]

I just realized that I managed to forget the fact that I'd planned not to annouce any pregnancy on the board until I'd passed the three-month mark, and now I'll have to update this when I get my period or don't. I'm sure KR will survive without the knowledge, but I'll feel compelled.

Ah, well, I can use it to play those making-a-deal-with-a-vengful-god-I-don't-really-believe-in head games! I planned keep it on the qt until the second trimester, and now I can't, so I get to be pregnant after all! No, wait, writing that out loud nullifies it. I'm sure I'm not. I know I'm not. I'm not (See, God? I don't think I am!).

[Wildwoman]

So I still wasn't bleeding this morning, and took a test. No. I am getting better at peeing only on the part of the stick you're supposed to, what a joyous skill to have. They work pretty much right away, although I waited the appointed time before I officially checked.

I'm only really starting to bleed now, and I still don't get why my period is deciding to be different now that I'm paying more attention. I could be noticing things I never did before, but I am pretty sure it never took 24 hours from the first sign to actually start.

Oh, well, the current and former commisioner of children's services like my proposal-writing skills! Not that they know my name or that's an official part of what they weigh before letting you adopt, but it can't hurt.

[pammalla]

sorry your not preg

lots of ttc dust your way

you should join one of those bords, suport from people who know what your going throw could be nice

i like Pregnancy, Parenting, Trying to Conceive at Justmommies

[Wildwoman]

I have FLUNKED temperature monitoring.

You're supposed to take your waking basal body temperature each day. You must have been asleep for at least three hours. But it must also be at the same time each day. I have always been a horrible sleeper, and since I moved for some reason my sleep problems have shifted from not being able to fall asleep to waking up intermittedly all night. There's almost no chance that at the time I am supposed to get up that I will have been asleep for at least three hours solid, because I usually wake up an hour or two before and fall back asleep. But I can't predict exactly when I will wake up, so I can't just use 4am or something as my waking time for temperature taking purposes.

This is why I'm not good enough to be infertile - just like it's supposed to be 'The first thing I've ever failed at in my whole life!' I think you're also supposed to be able to do all the monitoring correctly.