I wasn't sure where to post this but this section seemed the most appropriate. I announced on here a couple of months ago that I was pregnant with my first baby and sooo over the moon about it. A few of the usual assholes on this site sent me pms and reps saying that they wished I lost the baby and blah blah blah ... I hope they feel really bad now, I still can't believe they said things like that to me, someone they don't even know.

We went for our scan at 12 weeks and our baby looked fine, was jumping around everywhere and we were so happy. The lady said she wanted a 2nd opinion as the nucal fold looked a little long, then a couple of days later we had a call from my obs saying that we had a 1 in 8 chance of down sydrome and it didn't look good. We were booked in 4 days later to get a needle in my stomach for further testing. Before doing this they did another ultrasound and the baby didn't have a heartbeat. I will never forget the moment where I saw our lifeless baby up the screen, it was heart wrenching and we both burst into tears. Our baby only made it into it's 13th week, but to us it was already part of us which made it even harder. The next day I was taken to have a D&C (a curette to clean out the baby) which was awful, I was asleep the whole time but felt so empty afterwards.

I feel so sorry for anyone who has ever had to go through this (I know there are a lot of you out there, apparently it's a 1 in 5 chance). It really has been the hardest month of my life, but I'm slowly starting to get through it, we can start trying again this month so fingers crossed, even though it's going to be a nerve wracking time waiting for the scans again.

Well, thanks for listening.

you poor thing. my heart goes out to you
loss is so difficult.

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first impressions are cheap auditions
situations are long goodbyes

honey I'm soo soo sorry! *hugz*

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getting tired of the collective orgasm at the public declaration of the word "change"

Dr. Nathanson

god, nat i'm so sorry. really, really sorry. you're one of the sweetest people i've ever known and i feel truly awful for you right now

MUCH love. <3

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how in the hell do i still have a sub?

someone loses what couldve been their child and in return you give them *hugz*?!



this planet fucking sickens me.

your baby was a part of your family, you've got to grieve and process however you can. a funeral is a ritual. i dont know if thats possible for you or even feasible but i think it might help to have some family near you caring for you right now. seek out a forum where others have felt this same awful loss, because i think that might help you as well. ill light a candle for you and your baby tonight. please take care of yourself.

www.mothering.com has a forum dedicated to grieving and loss

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the cave mouth shines
by pure force of will
i look down on the world
from the top of this lonesome hill
and you can run, and run some more
from here all the way to singapore
but i will carry you home in my teeth
-mountain goats

im sorry

Thank you soooo much for your thoughtful words, I really do appreciate it. There is a site that I post in every single day about losses and trying to conceive again after losses ... it's been such a great help to speak to others to have been through the same thing and understand.

My best friends had a son who died at 32 weeks and was stillborn. It's such a difficult loss. You have so many hopes for your little baby and the loss is very, very real yet sadly often not recognised by those around you. Some of us do understand. My heart goes out to you.

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I am sorry to hear about this.

sorry nat

that totally sucks, you and your husband were really looking forward to meeting him/her.

i hope that the future brings good tidings.

i can't imagine how hard that must be. i'm sorry.

That is heart wrenching. I hope for a happier future, and that people on here respect your situation.

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If you are Canadian, there is a 30% chance you are already in Broken Social Scene

I am so sorry to hear this.

Thank you all for the kind words, that's very sweet of you all and it's comforting to know that a lot of you out there understand.

Check out the neg rep I just got ... some people are fucking sick:
"i'm so sorry....... that you didn't get the chance to die during child birth <3"

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It doesn't matter how far along in the pregnancy you are, once you are excited for that new life to come it is a horrible loss.

My thoughts are with you.

how do you feel regarding all this?? is it a stupid insensitive question?? I apologize if it is. I just want to know what's going through your head.

Nah that's ok, it's helping me more and more as I talk about it openly.
I feel like rat shit over it all. The first 2 weeks after the curette were hell, I couldn't accept the fact that there was no longer a baby in my stomach after being pregnant for 3 months. It was the most sickening feeling ever to know that the poor little person inside of me didn't get a chance to see the world. Why does God allow things like this to happen? That's the question I was asking and I was yelling at my husband whilst he was praying, even though I'm also Catholic. I have now come to see that it just wasn't meant to be and that God decided to take our baby away cause it had a lot of problems and would have been deformed at birth.

As for now, a month down the track, I still think about it every second of the day and think 'this week I would have been 17 weeks pregnant'. It also makes it a little tougher with 2 of my closest friends being pregnant, especially cause one is 17 weeks now, what I would have been. I had 2 weeks off work (I was physically fine a day after the curette but mentally I was broken) and there were days in a row where I didn't leave my room and cried through most of the minutes and hours of the day, I was deeply depressed.

I am dreading the 25th August (which would have been the due date) and really hoping that I am pregnant again by then to help soften the blow. We will start trying to conceive again this weekend, the doctor has given me the all clear which is great and has made me a lot happier. Although I'm really scared about falling pregnant and having to go through the same thing all over again, I don't think I could handle it.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Just to let you know, even though you probably already know this, you're not alone. It's happened to people I know and it's one of those horrible things that happens.I hope you're not blaming yourself because you have to be in a good, happy, and optimistic state when you try and conceive again. Best of luck conceiving again, and when you do may the baby be healthy and happy.