Things I wish I knew
Things I wish I knew about having a baby. My experience isn't all that different from anyone else's, but it's my experience. And turning out to be completely pivotal to my existence.
On to babies. Beautiful, wonderful, complex and fathomless babies. I tell you, the sweetness in my heart that I feel for my daughter is incomparable to anything else in life. But fierce too. HELL HATH NO FURY like a red-headed Cancerian mother, which comes in handy when we are in public and strangers start drooling and frothing at the mouth at the sight of young babies.
So this list of "Things I wish I knew" is far from complete, but is what's on my mind at the moment...
Babies R Us is run by the Marketing Geniuses spawned straight from Hell. Don't get me wrong, I have spent countless hours in that store. Mostly sitting in one of the comfy rocking chairs because I was too tired to walk around anymore. The aisles and aisles of baby NECESSITIES is overwhelming to say the least. Hundreds of car seats, a full acre designated for breast-feeding supplies, contraptions and gizmos that are supposed to make life as a parent easier. Not really. There are hundreds of gizmos created to separate you from your money. That's the bottom line, so DONT BUY THE HYPE. Take things like wipes warmers? Cute maybe, and sounds like a good idea, but really are completely useless. Do you really think you're going to mess with some warming contraption at 2am after 5 solid weeks of sleep deprivation? Umm, no. If you can see well enough through your own tears to get the diaper on straight you're doing a stellar job.
I only have one child, so I'm no expert. But looking back at what I know now, I can see how much the world is designed to have you spend piles of cash on caring for your baby, but is really going to do nothing to support you emotionally.
The one thing babies need? To be held. All the time. Preferably by mommy. When they are awake, or sleeping, or crying, or eating or just hanging out. That's pretty much it. It's how they organize themselves on the inside and get used to being outside. My list of actual things for the first months was really simple:
Diapers, wipes
Bottles, formula
When i nursed a product called Soothies saved my life -http://www.puronyx.com/
Receiving Blankets (I had about 30, and it still wasn't enough)
Food and water for Mommy
Lots and Lots of emotional support from friends and family
A Moby Wrap (Small babies and moby wraps are a match made in heaven.) Found at
http://www.mobywrap.com/
A Bouncy Chair - I drug mine all over the house, even in the bathroom for a quick shower. *Invaluable*. Found at
http://www.target.com, or better yet, buy one used for 1/3 the price
I also have Dr. Sear's "The Baby Book" and it's like my bible. Find him at
http://www.askdrsears.com/
If I look at all the crap I thought I needed, and wanted desperately in those last few months of pregnancy, it all seems kinda silly now.
I had a crib setup from the beginning. I tried to put the baby in it, but it was months before she actually used it. I happily chose to co-sleep for most of the first year and it worked well for our family. Not for everyone, but right for me. Same with choosing a Midwife and natural childbirth over an OB/GYN and a hospital. Not for everyone, but right for me.
Something I wish some people around me knew: I do not need help holding the baby. I have that part covered, and good luck trying to pry her from my hands so I can do my own chores. Want to be a true friend? Come over, bring food, wash a dish or two, give me love and encouragement (if your lucky you can hold the baby for a minute) and then leave. We can visit later when my sanity returns - and I will never forget how helpful you were. I will be forever indebted to bring you chicken soup when you are sick.
Something else I wish I knew? That it's perfectly acceptable to ask strangers to GET THEIR HANDS OFF MY BELLY! Coo, oooh and ahhh all you want, but please stop touching me. It's cute for like a week, then I started getting accosted by the older ladies in my office who didn't have kids, or whose children were grown. I had to take alternate routes to the bathroom to try and take cover, otherwise it's a ten minute conversation on episiotomies, which my male coworkers really appreciated I'm sure, and another ten minutes on hemorrhoids. Lovely. After ten solid months of this I was ready to BOMB the place so I could get some peace. No thank you coworker I barely know, I do not want to have yet another public discussion about my vagina, ok?
Another note on strangers. Once the baby is out, and you are brave enough to make a quick run to the store, or have a burger while the baby is napping, there will be streams of people who will want to talk to you. I'm sure their intentions are good, or they are completely oblivious, and maybe a bit of both. I was shocked by the amount of people that wanted to touch Maddie on the face, the cheek, her MOUTH or grab her hand. Alright you Filthy, Unwashed Masses, BACK OFF!! This is justifiably one time any woman anywhere has the right to be as bitchy as necessary and I DONT CARE if I hurt your feelings. I'm glad my child is adored, but please don't sneeze in her face.
The biggest thing of all: Time takes time. The biggest lesson from this last year is that evolution is a slow process. It takes 10 months to make the baby, and another 10 months for the FOG to begin to lift. In a world of instantaneous everything, and as impatient as I am, that's a hard reality. Looking back I would have done more to shut the world out, and just hang out with my miraculous child.
sounds like your an awesome mom!
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