I cannot seem to get over anything. I mean, I don't reallly know when you're over something, but there are so many bad, embarassing memories I have that I am still ashamed, sad, angry about.... many of them could have been avoided if I would've opened my damn mouth at the time and not had let people just run over me, or if I would've actually just talked in general and shared things with people and dare to speak the truth about myself and my feelings and my past....

ugh.and I totally hate myself for these things and I keep on thinking about them even though I don't want to and I want to so desperately go back and change what happened or I want Eternal Sunshine to be real and erase certain memories!

I think I just can't accept my own mistakes and I want my life to be absolutely perfect, like you see it in the movies.... dear god. this is killing me.

I don't really want to tell any of these stories, but to give you an idea: the loss of my virginity. I mean, pretty big moment in a girl's life. Mine was ****ed up. not as ****ed up as others, so I try to make myself feel better by comparing my experiences to others' experiences (for example a girl who lost her virginity by being raped. I think about how awful that must be for a person so I do try to put these thing into perspective....

any tips on dealing with this? could therapy help? should I see someone?


I'm sad

****, this was supposed to be in Health and Wellbeing. can someone please move it?

My memories from a dysfunctional childhood sometimes haunt me as well
I've found that keeping these things bottled up can eventually just consume
your sense of self-worth and eat you up. Seeing a therapist might be a
good idea if you find yourself constantly stewing about **** that's happened
in the past that you're having a hard time with.

Even talking with a friend can help. There's a lady I used to work with who dropped by last week to chat. We started talking about my sister for some reason she just blurted out "What the **** did your mother do to you?"
Lots of stuff I try to block out of my head. But made me realise that ultimately, I've got to take care of me. First and foremost.
You know, self-preservation is essential.

I think I remember from the old posts, your dad drinks alot right? Sorry if I'm confusing you with another girl Sara. Don't give up and don't be afraid to seek help if you think you need it. xoxo

oh, no, that's not me with the dad thing....
the thing is I had a good childhood really, nothing really awful ever happened to me...of course I've had my share of **** but nothing really bad when I compare to others, but I do keep on thinking about these things and it gets me down and just really coflicts with my general happiness. I don't really want to talk to a friend, because I kinda like the idea of leaving those things with a professional who doesn't personally know me. maybe kinda weird but I feel like it would be easier talking to a stranger about this.

and like you I also try to suppress things and block them out instead of accepting them, working through them and findin peace with it.

OH sorry about that. It's hard when certain things play over in your mind
over and over. Wish I had some words of wisdom to share.
Do you feel it might be an assertiveness issue?