Sorry if this is in the wrong forum. To me this is psychological well being


Ever since I can remember I've never liked hanging out with other people.

I used to think I was a loner- especially through my early teens- going through all that angst and bullshit from divorce at home- Most of the time I would hang with my one true best friend- (sometimes in a group but rarely)- and we would do our own thing. After highschool friends came and went in my life but none of them stood the test of time. Now, at 27 - I have ONE girlfirend and I never return her phone calls and my live-in boyfriend _ Who I consider my best friend and confidant. I am 100% content NOT having any a bunch of "friends" or "acquaintances".

I love going to the mall by myself- to the museum alone, to the bookstore alone- even the fucking movies I love watching alone!!

I am also not anti-social because all the times I go out with co-workers I have a GREAT time meeting people and talking and socializing. But I feel once I leave that social setting- there's no need to interact with other people AT ALL. Anywhere I go- people say I am the life of the party-I just wonder why I can't maintain that sociability so I can create friendships with people?!

Does anyone else feel that same way? What the hell is wrong with me?

-Marilyn

well it could just be in your nature. there is no problem if you enjoy being alone, especially if you are not anti social. i for one enjoy hanging out with friends but at the same time i only go to parties that i know the person really well. i hate sleeping over at peoples houses or having someone sleep over at my house. but im not anti social and i still enjoy hanging around friends. i definitely think it varies with different people. i know people who LOVE to always be around others, and i know some who like to keep to themselves. there isn't anything wrong with you

As long as you're happy and it doesn't bother you, then there's nothing wrong. Do you ever feel lonely, like you want more friends? If you want friends, but don't have friends, then there is something wrong. If you don't have freinds and don't want friends, that's fine. You need to figure out what made you post this topic, though. Why is it bothering you?

There is nothing wrong with you, the behaviour you describe is typical of a large percentage of people within your age limit. You're just introverted. I'm sure there are some more introverted people like yourself on KR that will reply. You have a best friend and a boyfriend that you live with. This shows that while you don't yearn for a large amount of friends, you still value the company of other people. Some people just don't bother with the whole "having friends" scene. Your situation makes you sound kind od cool to me. People like you and regard you as the life of the party, but you don't need them around you all the tie to validate yourself. You have your boyfriend and girlfriend who you're close to, and that's fine.
How would you describe the relationship you have with your girlfriend? Are ye close? Do you like spending time with her sometimes as opposed to being alone?

I want friends. But at the same time I am, by definition, introverted. I prefer spending time by myself and keep to myself all the time. I think it's the feeling I get after a social situation that does it for me. I seem to think that it's the time I spend with other people that matters, as there are "witnesses" to confirm for me what I've done. Being sociable makes me feel productive, like I've made a difference to someone other than myself, so the more social oppertunities that arise the better. But afterwards I'm always relieved and glad to be out of the glare of other people so I can do my own thing. I cherish my alone time. Might sound crazy, but personally I reckon it's perfectly normal. Typical introversion, common of many.

I got very used to being alone over time, so now I find I'm just more comfortable being by myself. The prospect of doing things with other people usually seems like a drag for me, even though I'm very grateful for it. I guess I have this mentallity that they'll prevent me from doing what I want. I'm quite self-preoccupied in that sense. I love going shopping alone too. Whenever I go into town with my friends, it's always a case of me tagging after them for the day. Whereas when I'm by myself, I can decide when to come and go, what to do, etc etc. Movies are a solitary pleasure too. I'd frequently go to the cinema alone, except I don't want people to be all like "look at her on her own LOL", if you get me.
That's not saying I would like to be friendless of course. I can get extremely lonely thinking that no one bothers with me. I love my friends and I've never been happier now I'm more sociable. It's not how much I physically meet them, it's the quality of our friendship. As long as I know that they consider me a friend, I'm happy. At an estimate, I have 6 friends/accquaintances, one of whom I sort-of relate to (but am not particularly close to).

You sound like an interesting, fun person whom I'm sure lots of people would love to be friends with. Think of it this way: At least the problem isn't in reverse. It's not a case of "No one wants to be friends with me", it's a case of "I don't want to be friends with them".

I guess the reason why the issue came up is because I am NOT the norm. At least, I don't SEE other people like me who can brush off casual friendship and prefer the recluse of their favorite book or movie to a night of talking smack. I just see alot of the girls around me and they have tons of "friends" make plans every weekend to go out to bars and clubs. Cheesy if you ask me- but it would be nice to bump into my soul sister - someone who is not impressed by the shallow entertainment out there.

I truly Love being on my own but if it comes out that this is emotionally and psychologically bad for me, then I will make an effort to change that.

I've know my best friend for about 8 years now. I love her to death. However, there are fundamental differences between us and I'm not exaggerating when I say we sometimes hang out only three times a year. She's LOVES the nightlife so much- she became a bartender. At 19- drinking with her was cool but the older I got - the more separated I became with the scene. So now we barely see each other. I guess that distance has kept us lasting. I love spending time with her when I see her though. WE always have tons to catch up on (usually on her side with night life horror stories) and our personalities mesh perfectly.

It's funny because I've got to the point where I am repulsed by social invitations. LOLLLOL It might be old age- plain and simple. At 18 living in London- I was out and about - 9 years later I can't be bothered if My fav show on TV is on! I'm weirded out because I should not be feeling this way at 27.

This is basically another topic- aside from having friends- I've decided to trump my social life as well (For me going out doesn't have to be a group thing - I am very comfortable going somewhere by myself and I always meet people). I just don't understand this feeling because I enjoy meeting and greeting people but I guess it's too much energy to do that with complete strangers. This is scaring me. The complete demolition of having a life outside my world. I can only go one way from here- and that's be a fucking hermit!

Exactly!!!! - I am so grateful for the freedom I have when I am by myself! It's annoying to have to make group decisions on where to go and where to eat. For fucks sake-if I want a taco - I'm getting one and I'll meet you pansy's at the pizzeria in 10 minutes!! Shit! (I actually had a real fight about this with my Best Friend! LOLLOL)

Thanks for the compliment. Your post rocks and we both think alot on many levels. I believe in the quality of relationships instead of the quantity. I guess I'm ok since I do have the ability to socialize- I just want to feel what it's like being surrounded by 15 of your "friends" and just being part of the group-----and actually liking it.

-Marilyn

Yes, I feel the same way.

The reason you don't encounter other people behaving the way you do, is because you don't notice it! Think about it, introverted people keep to themselves and tend to be discreet about their discomforts. Do people take note of your behaviour? I'm sure there are lots of people who feel just like you. I, for one, deep down am totally turned off by a whole night of talking to people, and would much rather absorb myself in something self-indulgent I can enjoy by myself like movies. The people around me seem to go out every weekend drinking and socialising, but I can't comprehend how they can keep it up. What I don't consider is the people who don't. Hun, from what you've described, I understand exactly how you feel. This might sound clichéd, but I think you should plan for a big social event. Does your boyfriend have friends? You could put aside all your discomforts and go for a big night out on the town. It doesn't have to be a huge amount of people. You, your boyfriend and say two more people you're comfortable with. Tolerate ONE night of being social, and take some time the next day to reflect on how you felt, etc. If you're truly worried about the ultimate effects your lifestyle could have on you, and if you're serious about addressing it, I recommend that you see a shrink. Either that or you can just start pushing/forcing yourself to do things you don't want to do - i.e. going out socialising - regularly so that you'll eventually adjust to the routine of it. Once you've disciplined yourself into being what you've cited as "the norm", you can most likely find yourself deriving enjoyment from it.