when your parents have Alzheimer's
i need a mental healths thread. to vent.
i'm just starting to realize how... impossible this is going to be.
and i need help. like, help from other people who can be realistic about this situation and not be all sensitive and cry or gushingly lovey-dovey about how terrible this is for their mom or dad.
i checked out an Altzie support board and it's all that ****.
i need a real talk Altzie board.
is anyone else in this?
today was just exhausting.
she's just entered her 60's, we tested in June, and before results came in, she decided she didn't want to know, until atleast after Christmas. because if it was a yes, she'd just worry more and be guilty, and it'd ruin the good time she did have. and at the time, we agreed to this. and i don't disagree with that approach now... but...
obvs the testing came back positive, and she's diagnosed as early stage Alzheimers, and she's always been bipolar and generally a person who's either hyper emotional or hyper cold/professional/proper (even with her own children/in her own home).
today we had huge argument in the middle of a store over why her debit card was declined, because it turns out my dad took most of her money out of her checking (leaving her kindof only an allowance for daily stuff) because she'd been spending INSANE amounts of money on insane things (ie: furniture for a house we don't have anymore, getting new tires on her car she totally didn't need, etc), due to forgetfulness. she was embarrassed her car was declined, and felt infantalized, but is taking it all out on me. and, to be fair, she was trying to buy these giant beveled mirrors for no real reason.
and my dad has checked the **** out.
since April or May he's been spending all weekend at his men's club (like a read finance books and golf and watch TV and eat rib-eye, type of club for middle aged and old men) where he claims there is no cell-phone service. and now i know why.
earlier this summer, i was house-sitting for them and realized she had like a dozen boxes of Special K Chocolately Crunch cereal, and then like 20 more in the garage. and my sister said she just always thinks she needs it. she knows it's her favorite, but can't remember if we have it or not, and that mom had generally lost her mind and was so forgetful and on a short as hell fuse. and... i thought my sister was just being an exaggerating turd, because she's not the greatest at life or responsibility... but no.
my sister was living with them, but moved to Seattle 3 months ago, and i had NO IDEA what she was dealing with/carrying.
and the holidays are coming up... and i don't know how we're going to deal with that, or explain this to other people, or... what the ****.
she knows. i know she [my mom] knows. i think she's just using the "don't tell me" as a denial tool, because it's a really ****ty thing to have to come to terms with it (****, i'm not even doing a good job coming to terms with it, and my thinking skills are just fine).
and she's such an uproarious ***** when you tell her "no" about something or "no, mom, it's okay, we don't need that... we have it.. no, mom, we have it. we HAVE IT. we.have.it. you're just forgetting."
i am so vain. and yet, so masochistic. how can the two coexist?