what the **** is this called?
and what... just.. why?
for the past 4 weeks i've been having this thing, where for 2-3 hours after i come home from work, but before i go to sleep, my head gets flooded (and i mean, flooded) with a stream of all my ****-ups of the day and after a half hour, i kind of start to have a panic attack?
i walk in the door, and see my reflection in the upstairs mirror and re-think my entire outfit (it was ugly, it made me look fat, wtf was i thinking? how did i NOT NOTICE this earlier? this morning it looked great? why did i **** up again today at dressing myself?), to picking at my house about being dirty, then re-hashing my entire day and all the things i said/did, and being really critical and horrified/guilty/regretful/feeling like i did EVERYTHING wrong, and should just quit and never return.
i need to quit my job. i need to never see anyone again. i cannot talk to anyone i know, i've ruined everything.
and not just saying this to myself, but actually feeling that way too? and not being able to stop/turn it off/let logic in.
i... don't know what the **** this is.
it is SO UNLIKE ME. and when it stops, around 9/10pm, i'm fine and all day i'm fine (****, i really kind of love my job during the day!?) in the mornings i'm fine (dare i say, chipper?).
and again, this is more like a panic/guilt attack than casual whining.
there's probably more to this.
but. i don't want to be heinously tl;dr, if we can ID what this is called by this alone, then i can go read about it on my own. like a normal person.
i am so vain. and yet, so masochistic. how can the two coexist?
Last edited by orchestral; 06-27-2012 at 08:01 PM.