so generally My citalopram is helping Me out a whole bunch. I hardly ever every cry anymore, I don't wake up thinking the world is going to end or that I am going to die and I can function in a way I didn't think I would be able to before like getting public transport lots and getting in lifts etc.
BUT one of the side effects I'm suffering from is very regular suicidal thoughts. I really doubt I would ever act on them but I still find it disconcerting to say the least, especially since one of my biggest causes of anxiety has always been dying. My doctor says it is a very common side effect and basically just to deal with it but it is beginning to freak me out, its like I have another person in my head sometimes egging me on.
god I feel pretty embrassed and

can you ask to try another medication. bc i would not be very good at putting up with that. i will suggest wellbutrin bc that is what worked best for me, but everyones chemistry is different. he might not want to rock the boat, but if you think you can handle rocking the boat to see if you can find something that does not have this (horrible!) side effect, i say go for it.

tell him you want to try.

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I think that lifting a barbell is probably the single most important thing that women can do to improve their body image. Lifting heavy and feeling stronger and seeing how muscle mass changes your body is a phenomenal experience. - Tamara Cohen

Yea those thoughts are probably NOT okay to put up with.

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do they come in phases?
that happened to me when i was on celexa. kindof out of nowhere, some days, i just felt hit wit a wall of DIE. and i hacked the **** out of my thighs. the next day, felt the same, but then for the rest of the month... pretty much fine? but so kindof robot-y that when i spent all month tending to my jacked up, healing, inner thighs and didn't think anything about it. just no response/opinion/feeling, whatsoever. towards my own body. no guilt or horror or "um, this is what these pills are doing".

apparently this is a side effect.

i ended up losing my medical insurance, and thus my pills, so i quit it cold turkey. i WOULD NOT recommend that. if they tell you ween off slowly, do it. the spiral of crazy suddenly stopping that **** causes, is not fun times.

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i am so vain. and yet, so masochistic. how can the two coexist?
-francesca woodman

yeah it's not like every day at all. its just some days where I feel like I should just cut my body open. but I mean really and I would never. I wouldn't even cut. Im a total *****. it's just annoying because the days when I get those thoughts they consume me to the point that I start getting upset listening to my imaginary obituaries.