I agree ... it's a blessing that you've found this journal. I don't know your mother at all, of course, but I can imagine that, since you two were very close, she might think it wonderful that you are getting to know her better.

When we are little, we think of our parents as all-powerful and larger-than-life. If they're good parents, we think of them as saints. If they're bad parents, we think of them as demons. We don't usually think of them as normal human beings, with strengths, weaknesses, virtues and vices.

Like Sunday said, usually as we mature, our parents begin to see as adults and start to open up to us more. I think of my mother as my friend now. My dad is still more "my daddy", meaning that there are many things that he will never, ever know about me, and I about him. We prefer it that way ... although we are much more friend-like than we were when I was younger. My mom, however, has become a three-dimensional person in my eyes. I see her as more of an equal now, someone who's both made mistakes and taught others how to do the right thing because she knows from personal experience.

I bet your mom would have eventually shared with you much of what was written in her journal. I think it's neat that she was able to, after all.

in the spirit of the thread, here is the big weird i found out when my mum died - i was home for xmas watching tv with my dad and he turned to me and went 'your mum was getting her winter fuel pension' and i was like 'what? shh, coronation st is on, whatever' and he was like, 'no seriously, she was getting her pension'. now, as far as we were aware, my mum was 54 when she died, but my dad had, when clearing up, found her proper long birth certificate and it turned out she had lied about her age and was actually 7 yrs older than we thought. the wrong date of birth was even on their marriage certificate and headstone, and no one on her side of the family will talk about it. so yeah, there might be some mysteries in yr mum's journal, but it just helps add to the reality that our parents are people with motivations and feelings we might never unravel, and i for one find that kind of comforting in a really strange way. actual people raised me, hah

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california goth

Well really it makes me understand a lot more

A lot of things about her that confused me I can trace back to the journal (maybe I'm grasping at straws but?)
Like when I was a teen and depressed and I was just kind of "whatever" about it, she got REALLY worked up and REALLY worried. I can see now from reading her journal that it was because she was afraid of that before I was even born, because she was depressed and felt "empty" and was afraid I would feel the same way.

It really makes me wish I had my whole life to do over.
I could have been a lot better daughter.

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The greatest asset they all have is themselves. And yet does anybody promote that to them? Does anybody tell them that they are the greatest asset they have? Or are they steered to idol worship? Are they moved, are they motivated, are they inspired to look at the president or any politician as their only salvation? If they are, it's just a shame.

dont ever stress about being a better daughter. the fights and weirdness are all part of having a daughter. you expect it and even almost want it as a rite of passage. you know that in order for girls to grow up, they need this rebellion against parents and searching for themselves. i mean i dont know what you were like, im just assuming, but moms expect that of their daughters.

and she really really wanted you adn i bet she loved having you.

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Home of the original Kitten Mittens! MEEEEEE_OWWWW!!

it is so sweet to read about how wanted you were

and i guess that is what journals are for kwim? it's a roundabout way of expressing things that you don't want to talk about out loud. and a way for people to process things. i journal very randomly. like maybe 5 times a year and usually when something is bugging me. so now i think about how someday one of my kids might read it and think god what a LOSER. i write about how i'm depressed because i really don't talk about that with anyone. or about my marriage. so it could be a very one-sided view if that was your only view of someone. if you read my journal it might seem like my life is horrible but it isn't. it's just processing

but it isn't your only view. you know what your mom was like and now you're getting a glimpse of her private side. and i think its sweet to be able to have that. even if some of it is sad or painful.

parents are people too flaws and all