me too. my mother died when i was nearly four, and i have almost nothing of hers, except some old photos and a bowling ball. i basically know nothing about her.

i don't think you should feel guilty about it.

i didn't really have parents so i can't say how i'd feel, but if you're really getting a more complete picture, then i don't see the harm in it. maybe she would have eventually told you anyway.

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Raise the dead on your turntable.

you shouldnt feel guilty at all dithy, because you lost your parents you've missed out on the bit where, as a grownup you get to develop a relationship with them outside of the parent/child setup. this is just like a wee present from the universe cause there are lots of questions you didnt get to ask.

i found lots of pics i'd never seen before after my mum died, and i have no idea who any of the people are but i still like to look at them, it's weird to think of life before you showed up, but it's nice too

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california goth

My parents had a son before I was born and he died when he was 4 years old. My mom wrote a lot in the period after his death, about her life and how my sister kept asking where her brother was. I once read one of these entries when I accidently came across it. It made me feel really sad. The pain my parents had about my brothers death was enormous, but we hardly talk about it anymore. It's sad.

It sounds very sad but... this thread question actually really hit a chord.

I constantly think of my parents as people and not as parents. It has a lot to do with my childhood and how I was raised, but I especially see my father as a person more than a father which can sometimes be a problem; it will forever be a problem.

When my dad divorced for the second time... I was about 11/12 and it was wrong of him but I was the only person he seemed to want to turn to. He would vent to me about things I shouldn't have been aware of, but I always listened....

He still to this day does. He vents, tells me about his sex escapades, his relationships, his fears, everything and in detail... things no daughter should ever be exposed to. Sometimes I even say it's not my business and other times I give him advice because he truly is very childish at heart. It has at the same time helped me to understand men, adults, ect.
It's also led me to have problems respecting my elders truly, including teachers. I don't exactly disrespect them but I see them all as PEOPLE.

My mother is an entirely different story because she was never truly "a mother". When I think and hear the stories about her as a teenager I sometimes cry because she had so much potential to be someone great. She lit up the room when she was my age.

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Men are only as good as their technical development allows them to be- George Orwell

Well, the last entry is 12/24/87, the day she found out she was pregnant with me so it doesn't say anything about being pregnant with me.

But there are about 8 entries before that, from January through the rest of 1987.
The first couple are just about how she feels so distant from my dad (whom she married in 1986) and how she wanted to take a ceramics class and get hobbies to stay out of his hair (she didn't work and he had been living alone so she was worried about him not getting "me time" so to speak).
And then she starts talking about how depressed she is, how she feels lonely and how there is too much drama in her friendships, how she misses her parents (who lived about 7 hours away).

The majority of it is about wanting to get pregnant.

Almost every entry mentions her wanting to get pregnant, desperately trying to get pregnant, and then all of a sudden there is a bombshell:
She thinks maybe God isn't letting her get pregnant because of the abortion she got 12 years ago (would have made it 1975, she would have been 20).
There are just pages about how she thinks she is being punished for having an abortion and that is why she can't get pregnant. Pages and pages about wanting a baby.

I never knew she had an abortion.
Then it is weird because it says she thinks maybe it is punishment for being pregnant "twice before." But she always refers to it as "the abortion" so I don't know, maybe she had a miscarriage as well? She did not talk about any of this to me.
She says "Logically" she knew it was the right thing for her and that she could never have given up a baby.

It is just pages of pages of guilt and longing.
And then random notes about my grandma being sick and my dad having hearing problems (??)

I mean. Obviously I don't think any less of her.
It's just kind of crazy to learn something like that.
Just a little shocking when you're just leafing through a book.

I didn't mean to write that much but. It's just a little crazy to me.
But it makes me feel really wanted.

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The greatest asset they all have is themselves. And yet does anybody promote that to them? Does anybody tell them that they are the greatest asset they have? Or are they steered to idol worship? Are they moved, are they motivated, are they inspired to look at the president or any politician as their only salvation? If they are, it's just a shame.