Crack, I'm not gonna tell you that I "know what you're going thru".
I don't and can't, I can only have a glimmer bc I DO know what it was like going thru a horrendous string of bereavements myself:Grandfather, Mother, and Daddy, w/in 24 months .
It. Just. Plain. Sucks.
When the people who've loved us all our lives start passing, it can feel as tho you're being robbed of your context. That plus the greif at their leaving is a tough place to be.
I hope you find the strength you need -- but please don't do the famous "I'm fine, I'm going to MAKE everything else be fine for everybody else no matter what it takes" bit. That can get way the fuck outta hand and besides I think I've got it patented, lol

.
I can def tell you what i did wrong, but....Mostly, I guess I fucked up by telling myself to "NOT!!" feel the way I was feeling. Hoo boy, yeah, that works really well.

What a dummy. *kicks self retroactively*
Sigh. Look, no one knows how much time we've got with the people whom we love. Store up your contacts and closeness with your granfather & grandmother. As in, when you're being there, REALLY be there, with your whole self. Which means leaving the fear/anxiety/hurt outside the door.
That's a job, huh?
And: Don't wear yourself to a frazzle. Get rest and re-fuel, including time away from the pressurized impending-parting atmosphere to just hang out and have fun from time to time.
Guilt trips? Refuse to buy the ticket, even if it's you trying to plan the itinerary behind your own back. We humans are good at the ol' self-sabotage like that.
I hope more than anything right now you have a great, supportive, close family network and a few intimate friends who will just hand you a glass of wine and let you vent or laugh or scream, whatever you need. It can help immeasureably.
Please be kind to yourself.
I'll be thinking about you, honey.
Chyia, rattling beads