I don't know really how to put this into words, but I'll attempt to as best as I can.

I just found out that my grandma, who I'm very close to, is dying of cancer. She has been going down hill ever since my grandpa has been put into a nursing home, because he has Alzheimer's and it's been getting really bad recently. But from what I've heard, she could be dead within a few days or a few weeks. I just don't know what to say. I've been crying off and on all day. It's just awful, I can't fully express these feelings. I've never had to go through this before.

i'm sorry i'm not in the best of moods right now or i could write a better more heartfelt reply
but try to enjoy the time you have left with her while you can, be there for her
i still miss my grandfather sometimes out of nowhere, immensely
i didn't even cry when he died, i think maybe because it was my first experience with death of a person i love, but there have been times since then that i do though its now been probably about 15 years

Crack, I'm not gonna tell you that I "know what you're going thru".
I don't and can't, I can only have a glimmer bc I DO know what it was like going thru a horrendous string of bereavements myself:Grandfather, Mother, and Daddy, w/in 24 months .

It. Just. Plain. Sucks.

When the people who've loved us all our lives start passing, it can feel as tho you're being robbed of your context. That plus the greif at their leaving is a tough place to be.

I hope you find the strength you need -- but please don't do the famous "I'm fine, I'm going to MAKE everything else be fine for everybody else no matter what it takes" bit. That can get way the fuck outta hand and besides I think I've got it patented, lol .

I can def tell you what i did wrong, but....Mostly, I guess I fucked up by telling myself to "NOT!!" feel the way I was feeling. Hoo boy, yeah, that works really well. What a dummy. *kicks self retroactively*

Sigh. Look, no one knows how much time we've got with the people whom we love. Store up your contacts and closeness with your granfather & grandmother. As in, when you're being there, REALLY be there, with your whole self. Which means leaving the fear/anxiety/hurt outside the door.

That's a job, huh?

And: Don't wear yourself to a frazzle. Get rest and re-fuel, including time away from the pressurized impending-parting atmosphere to just hang out and have fun from time to time.

Guilt trips? Refuse to buy the ticket, even if it's you trying to plan the itinerary behind your own back. We humans are good at the ol' self-sabotage like that.

I hope more than anything right now you have a great, supportive, close family network and a few intimate friends who will just hand you a glass of wine and let you vent or laugh or scream, whatever you need. It can help immeasureably.

Please be kind to yourself.

I'll be thinking about you, honey.

Chyia, rattling beads

They would not want to see your life go downhill because it is near the end for them. Imagine what they are going through; your spirit keeps theirs living on. Be here for them and know that death is not an end, really, for their memory lives on through your caring.

Caring starts with you. Those who can care are willing to face some suffering now for the long-lasting benefits of love.

__________________
"Tell me what you see; and I'll know where you are"
~~cc

I gave love; you gave me a thistle;
We shared tenderness; then you ran away;
I planted a rose; and you blossomed;
I had fresh hopes; tho' winter froze them solid

Thank you guys for being nice. Thank you for being so great. I really appreciate it.