my friend's father is about to die from pancreatic cancer, and i'm absolutely beyond terrified because i have no idea what to say or how to react to it all.

this is a really good friend, and he is really quiet about how everything is effecting him, but i know he is devastated. i want to be a good friend and am very worried about him, but i really have no clue. i don't know?

how do you know what to say?

i don't want this thread to be restricted to just my situation either, you can post about your own troubles and stuff, maybe it can help a few people.

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regard and regard for the inverse and perverse and obverse, and diverse, of reverse and reverse

Say to him exactly what you have said to us, pretty much, that you are really really sorry to hear about it, that you don't really know how you can help him or what to say, but if he ever wants to talk you'll be there for him and if he doesn't, that is fine as well. If you feel awkward saying it in person, send a text or something.

Last summer my cousin died horribly of skin cancer during a week where everything else was going wrong (broke up with a boyfriend of two and a half years, crashed my car, 3 weeks left til masters dissertation was due in and I had done hardly any due to looking after said cousin) and I really appreciated having my friends as an escape. Because there was plenty of time to be sad and grieve at home whilst alone or with family and when I saw my friends it was great to go out and have a break from that. Just hanging out and laughing and dancing was such a nice distraction from being sad and miserable. So don't make your friend talk, he might appreciate just hanging out with you guys and laying all his troubles aside for a while.

actions speak louder, so do something kind for your friend, to make his life easier, if you're not sure what, ask.

just be there, ready to listen. say that they can call you anytime, to talk. just knowing that you care enough to put your life on hold for a bit, could make a big differance.

also, be there to offer some diversion, too, if it seems appropiate.

words are over rated, sometimes.

Yes, what they said.

Words are the least capable expressions of love in this time of suffering; but in the suffering TOGETHER is the love we share.

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"Tell me what you see; and I'll know where you are"
~~cc

I gave love; you gave me a thistle;
We shared tenderness; then you ran away;
I planted a rose; and you blossomed;
I had fresh hopes; tho' winter froze them solid

When my father passed away due to pancreatic cancer I was sent into shock. It did not register in my brain that my father passed away and we could never talk again.

I took it quite well, because for many years we knew he did not have many years left and it was a matter of waiting for him to die so we made every moment special with him and let him have his own way most of the time.

I devoted my life to my father for many years until the bitter end where we were not talking and the bastard goes and dies on me without us ever making up. That was the only thing that hurt - that we parted on bad terms.