(be warned, this post sounds like a voiceover for a bad advert...)

are you, or have you ever been, shy? have you done anything to combat it? do you think it's something you just grow out of, or just a part of your personality? do you think there's anything particularly wrong with being shy (leaving out any "i can't get on the bus because i'm too shy to ask for a ticket" extremities)?

well compared to the opposite, like people who do not shut the fuck up when you meet them and seem to have no awareness that everything they say is NOT fantastic, i'd say shy people are pretty great.

that being said, it seems like you leave yourself up to a lot of assumptions by being really shy. people often get mistaken for snotty, and that's probably by aforementioned dicks with their heads up their asses, but all the same... i guess what i'm saying is that i think for a lot of people, shyness has to do with not wanting to be judged, and you're going to be judged either way so you might as well put something out there.

i'm not shy as a rule, but i can definitely get intimidated and clam up. it's not a good feeling. my hairdresser brings that out in me for some reason, but like he does such a good fucking job that i can't go anywhere else.

I'm pretty shy and have some social anxieties but people probably wouldn't believe me if I told them.

I used to be painfully shy and then sort of grew out of it by age 17 but the shyness still remained. Even though I moved to the other side of the world by myself at that point and knew nobody there I was still afraid of meeting new people but it was not really that bad.

then about a year later, when I returned, it got worse again and I had bad social anxiety. like not wanting to go to uni because I felt everyone stared at me.
but now, a year later, it's gotten a lot better again and I've met many new people.
i still get shy around people I don't know that well though...like, I feel myself turning red (evne though I'm probably not really) and then my I speak pretty fast and it's sometimes a bit weird maybe.

but overall now I'm okay.
You just gotta relax and really think highly of yourself. haha. that's what I do.

are you, or have you ever been, shy?
yes, since always.

have you done anything to combat it?
sure. i tried to talk it out. i took some medication (which just made me constantly have to move my hands and get violently angry every day at 3:00 pm). i even read a self help book.

do you think it's something you just grow out of, or just a part of your personality?
being that i'm elderly i think it's safe to assume it's here to stay.

do you think there's anything particularly wrong with being shy (leaving out any "i can't get on the bus because i'm too shy to ask for a ticket" extremities)?
it's a defect. i prefer bossy types who talk incessantly. makes it easier on me. i wouldn't want to hang out with me.

are you, or have you ever been, shy?
always. i'm a quiet person, and it generally takes me some time to warm up to people/feel comfortable around them before i talk a lot.

have you done anything to combat it?
i've become more conscious about as i've grown older. i try to go out of my way sometimes to be more friendly and outgoing. (but i also don't push myself to do so if i feel really uncomfortable doing it.)

do you think it's something you just grow out of, or just a part of your personality?
in my case, i think it's a part of my personality. i've always been like this. it's just that i'm less so now.

do you think there's anything particularly wrong with being shy (leaving out any "i can't get on the bus because i'm too shy to ask for a ticket" extremities)?
no. i mean, not everyone can be an extrovert. and i think shy people are rad. they don't go on and on incessantly about nothing.

are you, or have you ever been, shy?
Even though I may not seem at first sight, meeting new people or even crossing someone that I know in the street is a nightmare to me... for the first 10 minutes. I try not to show it though.

have you done anything to combat it?
Yes. I try to stop listening to myself and "go on".

do you think it's something you just grow out of, or just a part of your personality?
I am not able to wipe if off, but with efforts yes, I think that you can work on it. Absolutely.

do you think there's anything particularly wrong with being shy (leaving out any "i can't get on the bus because i'm too shy to ask for a ticket" extremities)?
Well, aside from poisoning your life, I guess there's nothing wrong?

__________________
Who needs love when there's Southern Comfort?

are you, or have you ever been, shy?

i was a shy kid, i didn't like most other little kids. i preferred adults. i grew out of some in elementary school, then i really grew out of it in middle school. then i became completely avoidant and misanthropic at sixteen again, save for a few people.

have you done anything to combat it?

it used to be, i would just find a new friend and my self conscious shit would go away. but now, i drink. i think i need anxiety medz or something, i dont want to be a real alcoholic. too painful, physically and etc

do you think it's something you just grow out of, or just a part of your personality?

as i stated before, i have "grown out of it" before, but i must not have over analyzed like this when i was 13. i mean, obviously i didnt. being intelligent doesn't help anything. it's part of my personality forever but there are OTHER parts that get snuffed out by the shyness so i hope i can fucking grow out of it again.

do you think there's anything particularly wrong with being shy (leaving out any "i can't get on the bus because i'm too shy to ask for a ticket" extremities)?

yes i do. unless you're as attractive as Audrey Tatou in Amelie, nothing special and magical and romantic and exciting is going to happen to you if you're too shy.

__________________

you'll have to excuse me, i prefer reading the thread after i post

"I mean, they lost both parents. That's just careless." - Zach Braff on orphans
"Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of killing unwanted babies, it's just that the idea of letting women make a decision doesn't sit well with me." - Zach Braff on abortion.
"It's not that I think the Nazis were right, or anything. It's just that, we weren't there, we don't know."
- Zach Braff on the holocaust

thank you everyone for your replies.

me too; sometimes my mind just goes blank and i cannot think of a single thing to say. and i feel like a moron. and i agree with you about people mistaking shyness for arrogance.

i've been horrendously shy from a young age, and whereas my parents felt it was just part of my nature, other shy friends were sent to clubs and so on to try and make them more outgoing. and as far as i've been aware of my own shyness, i've tried to combat it, but i know i don't really have the confidence to back it up. and i can relate to what dentyne said:

which does lead me to think that...

and perversely, i'm more confident when i accept how shy i am, and like shashtasheen said, start to see some good things about it. i wonder if my parents were right all along; that some people are just shy, and that's how they are. and there's nothing wrong with it at all. but not that many people seem to agree.


(sorry for going on about myself; your replies were all really helpful and i think you're all great posters. so thanks!)

I have exhibited a shyness over the years for varying reasons. A man is expected to take charge and know all the answers-- false. I tried my best to fit the image that our extroverted society places on us. What I discovered is that I was an introvert trying to be an extrovert just to live up to those expectations. Now I accept myself better and I don't worry about what others think about me. There are many jerks in society and they love to pick on shy people. It gives them a sense of superiority. In reality introverts are often smarter and have more depth. Enjoy who you are and don't be embarrassed by others who may misperceive your nature as a weakness to be exploited. Control freaks often say to the introverted thinker--"You think too much". This is a quick sign that they are threatened and don't feel they can control you without first intimidating you out of your inner stronghold. Like a fish out of water you become vulnerable to their will to power.

Never let others do your thinking for you.

Here is a link that I think might be helpful.

Shake Your Shyness

Maybe now is the time to begin a spiritual journey of discovery?

__________________
Marerophilia:
A depth of love that youth can seldom appreciate or communicate;
A love that never can die for it is a wild seed living inside us, and it is what it is;
Love: that which bonds the reality of one's being to the mystery of the unknown;
Wildflowers: evidence revealed."
~~carefulcarpenter

i'm sensative, which i mistook for shyness for a long time,

i've had discussions with the league f women voters that were so easy and satisfying for me. they are like my rellies, and old, i learn a lot from.

I was shy when I was a child...but I was 1.75 meters at 12 years old, so I was teased constantly.

And when my mum sent me away to school, it was HORRID. I LOATHE boarding schools.

are you, or have you ever been, shy?
for as long as i can remember. it started out with me wanting to be able to talk to people and make friends, but as i've grown older it's evolved into an almost complete lack of interest in forming relationships or interacting socially. it seems like a lot more trouble than it's worth. i still experience those feelings of anxiety and embarassment when i'm around someone or i have to hold a conversation, but it doesn't happen as often as it used to anymore because i've figured out ways to cut interactions short without seeming too rude, and a lot of times to avoid them altogether. at this point it's just instinctual.

have you done anything to combat it?
i've tried. i always get the feeling that i'm not living life to its fullest and that i'm wasting something i'll never be able to get back. it doesn't seem normal to be alone all the time. i can kind of put on a persona where i'll act outgoing, but i don't feel like i can genuinely be outgoing. it's just a show i put on whenever i'm able to get up enough gumption, or when i'm in the right mood. and it always feels more like a weird performance than a genuine outreach of myself towards others or a forming of relationships.

do you think it's something you just grow out of, or just a part of your personality?
i think it's part of my personality to be aloof and distant. i'm not cold and i don't dislike people, but i have a really hard time engaging myself with others. when i'm feeling more confident, i like to listen to people and i like to help people with their problems, and i like to try to be funny and say clever things, but i find it really hard to share anything of myself. i'm hoping that as i grow older i'll feel more comfortable around people, and will find a way to act around people that lets me feel comfortable, at least to the extent that i can live my life and do the things i want to do without being habitually terrified, but i don't think i'll ever be a super friendly social butterfly or have more than one or two close friends.

do you think there's anything particularly wrong with being shy (leaving out any "i can't get on the bus because i'm too shy to ask for a ticket" extremities)?
i think something should be done if the shyness stops you from doing the things you want to do. i think there's a difference between shyness when it's a real fear of people and a fear of being judged, and when it's just introversion and a naturally solitary personality. i don't think it's ever good to have whole aspects of your life decided by a fear, so in that case i think there's something wrong. but i would never judge somebody for being shy-- i think sometimes it makes someone more appealing when they let their insecurities show and don't try to mask them with overconfidence or cattiness or flamboyance like some people do.

are you, or have you ever been, shy?
Always. The only time I feel like I'm not shy is when I'm happy, like when I've met a guy for instance.

have you done anything to combat it?
I've really tried, with self help books and all, but I also have severely low self esteem and seem to give up trying half way through as I convince myself nothing can help. I've also been told i'm a 'highly sensitive person', but really I think shyness/low self esteem/sensitivity come as a package with me!

do you think it's something you just grow out of, or just a part of your personality?
I'm not sure, I think it's something that you slowly just learn to cope with but I find it hard to believe that it could ever go away...I don't know.

do you think there's anything particularly wrong with being shy (leaving out any "i can't get on the bus because i'm too shy to ask for a ticket" extremities)?
Yes. I've found people don't want to know me as it takes too much effort, which means that I don't have many friends, which then can very often lead to prolonged periods of loneliness.

In other words, I'd do anything to not be shy.

I'm a very shy person, but I was confident enough when I was a wee kid so I suspect it's an acquired personality trait rather than a natural one. I do think it's been instilled in me permanently, however, and though I may become more confident with time and experience, the experience of being shy will always stay with me and influence who I am. I don't really do anything to combat my shyness. I try to force myself into social situations which require confidence, but it's difficult. I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with being shy. It's not like you're hurting anyone with your shyness. It's up to the shy person to decide whether their shyness is a bad thing or not, depending on how it's affecting them. For some people, shyness is an integral part of their personality and, though it can be controlled, it is something that never really leaves them. For others, it is more like a "condition" brought about by circumstance. We all harbour some degree of shyness, anyway. It's there, we just have to quash it. No one is totally confident.

Im very shy.

have you done anything to combat it?

I guess so. Trying to be more sociable. Less quiet etc. Drink usually helps me.

do you think it's something you just grow out of, or just a part of your personality?

My personality..Introverted and hard to change. I get knocked down easily.

do you think there's anything particularly wrong with being shy (leaving out any "i can't get on the bus because i'm too shy to ask for a ticket" extremities)?

I find shy people often get ignored even if they do say anything. I have a quiet voice so it makes things worse. When I try to project my voice louder it comes across as if I am shouting and people get angry.

__________________
"I'm getting fucking tired of you fucks" - Trent Reznor - toronto 1994

I am the hate you try to hide and I control you - Mr Self-Destruct.

shyness is nice
but shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to



it can feel like quite a debilitating personality trait but i'd agree with cricket - that i'd rather be shy than one of those people who doesn't seem to have any self-consciousness or even the capacity to think they might ever be wrong/inappropriate/fucking annoying. getting a job in a busy pub helped me with my shyness. the customers all said that they saw such a (positive) change in me as the months went on. it made me braver and more confident in what i say, as it's all about the (i hate this word) "banter". be a barmaid.

are you, or have you ever been, shy?
I've been shy pretty much since birth.

have you done anything to combat it?
No, not really.

do you think it's something you just grow out of, or just a part of your personality?
I think I have grown out of it some but I'm still shy around people I don't know very well.

do you think there's anything particularly wrong with being shy (leaving out any "i can't get on the bus because i'm too shy to ask for a ticket" extremities)?
I talk enough that I'm not lonely or isolated so it's not that big of problem for me.

I am incredibly shy around new people and in large groups of people.
I hate it, I withdraw and people think I'm really arrogant and I'm not. I go out with people who are really loud and I end up really inward because I find it hard to compete for conversation.

Saying this, when you get to know me I'm not shy at all, and around people I know I'm completely fine. I grew up with boys as friends, when I moved away to uni, people didn't get my sense of humour and thought I was a bitch, so I kind of stopped talking as much.