i actually started to think i was ****ed up at 8. but it developed at 15.

From the age of about seven I had feelings of inferiority and hopelessness. I remember feeling that I was the ugly one that wasn't nice and nobody liked (despite being a popular child.) I also first began experimenting with the idea of hurting myself on purpose around that time, but that didn't really extend to much other than scratching myself with sharpened sticks, until I was 13.

I've never been medically diagnosed with anything other than anxiety, but have suffered privately from depression and self harm for as long as I can remember.

Looking back at my drawings and diary from around that age, I'm surprised nothing was picked up on until my teens.

I know that I felt really out of place from everybody else at a very young age and after my first rehab and sobriety experience, I learned that this was a really common feeling with addicts.

My daughter has just been diagnosed as being Bipolar. It has been a very very difficult road for her lately, especially when she was roaming the planet undiagnosed and unmedicated. She is 18 now and has my blessing to discuss this. We don't see addiction and mental illness as things to be ashamed of. People who have these illnesses deserve every bit of support as people with Cancer do.

Anyways, when things were really bad, right before she was hospitalized, I posted this thread because it suddenly hit me that this was NOT just teenage acting out or her being a "bad kid on drugs". I suddenly knew there was something else going on and that's why I've been asking stuff.

You guys and your honesty, sharing, and all that stuff has been so helpful. One can read websites posted by clinicians, but info from real people is way more valuable, so thanks. She's been home for 4 days now and as the meds kick in more, she seems to be suffering so much less. So do I. I also no longer take things personally, nor do I react or lay blame on myself or anyone else for this. It has made things so much better and more manageable.

So thanks guys....I haven't been very communicative but you really have helped me a lot. I only hope that I can be so helpful to my kid.

I found out I had major depression when I was 13. I went into the hospital for a suicide attempt