Ok, my grandfather has dementia, and it started getting really bad 1 1/2 years ago when my grandma died. He sometimes makes up people who aren't really there, cannot eat alone properly and almost always looks kinda spaced out.
Every time after I've seen him, it's as if I'm really anxious that I'm somehow mentally ill as well, cos it scares me to see him like that. I know that it's practically impossible to have dementia at age 20, though, but it's one of that irrational fears that won't go away. I've already looked up on the internet what you can do to prevent dementia.
Does anyone have any similar experiences? Can anyone relate to my fear of going crazy? Please please console me

Thanks for reading!

Julia

How ironic your name is Julia. That is my sister's name.

My mother seems to have some form of dementia/altsheimer's. She's really forgetful, doesn't know what she does with her money (mostly gambles it away and lies about it), and most vividly remembers shit from fifty or sixty years ago.

Whenever I broach the subject of her memory loss or 'instability' with her, she brushes it off. If it is to her advantage she say things like, "It's scary getting old... etc." But if I say I am concerned about her and want to get her checked out, she is indignant and says something like, "I am not crazy!"

Other times, like when she hits the jackpot at BINGO and is feeling lucky, she has the blatant gall to tell me things like, "I gave Joe that portrait which may be a real Van Gogh *giggles*. I could 'play altsheimers' and ask if he is still holding it for me." Then she she laughs insidiously.

She's not a nice lady. I don't trust her in the least. She'll probably live longer than I do just to spite me.

I work in long-term care, so I know exactly what you're talking about. I've sorta dealt with it some in my family, but luckily, not too much.

It's very difficult to see family declining (especially with dementia and/or alzheimer's) and it can take a toll on you. Do I think you're going crazy? No. You're clearly very close to your grandfather, and it's also very clear that you don't want him to suffer. I think it's a very common thing to take that entirely too much to heart, especially if it's something that means a lot to you. It's obvious you don't want to have to deal with what he's going through as well, and because of the pain that it's caused you, you don't want your family (and future family) to have to deal with the same pain by watching you go through it.

It's going to be tough, especially when a you have a family member that once frequently tells you they love you, but now questions who you are and cannot place you. Both dementia and alzheimer's are horrible, but there are some things that you can do to help the situation.

Keep things around that are familiar to him - especially pictures and items. A lot of the time things like this can prompt recollection. Always be calm and kind, and don't talk to them from behind. Sometimes, especially if a person is very confused, talking from behind them or where they can't see you can scare them. Just always remember it's not something they can help, but you can help them make the best of it. There are some medications (such as Aracept) on the market that can assist in diminishing the effects of dementia. If it hasn't set in too much, they might be a viable option to decrease and/or potentially delay the effects. All kinds of new things are being found out and invented to help with dementia and alzheimer's every day. Check with his doctor.

I hope your grandfather finds peace. I know you'll be okay, you just have to be strong. Spend time with him, and understand that he can still be a solid part of your life, it just may be in a different situation than before. I know you have that strength in you. Well all do, we just have to find it sometimes.

Thanks!! That really helped me a lot. So you think it's rather normal for me to worry about "going crazy"? What makes it even worse is my mother always saying things like "maybe you'll get it, too" etc. I hate her for saying that! Doesn't make it easier.

You're welcome.

Well, it's normal if it's not something that you become obsessed with. If it's something you're worried about, that's natural. We all do that about lots of things.

Now, I don't think it's particularly helpful that your mother says things like that to you - especially if she knows that it bothers you. You just have to work through it all and most of the time it's a lot to process. It just takes time.