Is anyone here schizophrenic or involved with someone who is, whether that be a friendship or romantic relationship?

(BTW, I am posting this here because I am more concerned with the mental/emotional aspect of it.)

A bit of background: I have been friends with this guy for a little over a year now who is a paranoid schizophrenic. I have always been aware of this because upon one of our intitial moments spending time together, he took out his antipsychotics and told me his diagnosis...I was okay with it then and always will be. It's been established that there is a mutual "likeness" between the two of us; he's stated that he likes me more than on a platonic level, but doesn't want to date anyone, and vise-versa. (I think I would make an exception for him though, and I think he is a bit scared, to be quite honest...)

So basically, within the course of our friendship, I have come to care about him a lot. He has his shortcomings that relate to the illness, of course, but for some reason I set that aside. I am very comfortable with him on an emotional level -which is extremely important to me - but I just wish I could REACH him.

I've been doing a lot of reading on schizophrenia lately, and I understand it so much more; I used to think that his abrupt departures were because of me, rudeness/emotional distance because of me, etc, but they weren't. They are characteristics of the illness - the majority of times.

How do you deal with this if you are dating/friends with someone with schizophrenia? If you are schizophrenic, could you supply me with insight, your thought process concerning relationships in general, etc? For the longest time, I had extreme difficulties differentiating his behaviors in relation to his illness compared to his behaviors and actions towards me due to annoyance (by myself or others), sensory-overload, etc. I would blame myself for everything...Upon reading various articles and such, I understand his actions so much better...

I have told him that I appreciate his company and friendship, but I still have a difficult time dealing with the emotional distance and stoic-ness. I need to literally tell myself that his distance is because of his schizophrenia, not that he dislikes me. I just want him to know that I care about him very deeply, but I feel like nomatter what I will say, he will shrug it off. I know he understands, but it is just very hard for me to deal with his lack of expressing that, still.

Sorry for the long thread; this has been bothering me for awhile now. Any thoughts and/or advice? Thanks.

I've dated a paranoid schizophrenic chick who was really crazy. She threatened to cut my tongue out when I slept and was always misunderstanding me.

That's a big part of the illness to recognise. Schizophrenics live in a seperate reality to the rest of the world, especially during relapse where the illness becomes worse.

This means, you could say the most simple, innocent, thing to a schizophrenic and they will flip out at you because they feel you are attacking them.

Perhaps this guy realises this and shuts out a lot of the outside world trying not to make sense of insanity. Hence the distance.

Try and focus on reality with this guy. Keep it simple. For instance, check if he is on top of his bills, does the cleaning, the washing up, vacuums the apartment. Shit like that. That he washes himself, eats, takes good care of himself. And when he does well reward him with great sex.

but everyoneknows sex steals your soul

I think you´re on the right way. You are trying to understand it rather than judge it, and that´s a sign that if you were in a relationship with him it´d probably work out, at least from your part. I imagine it´d take patience. But it´s not right to assume like silvine said that it´s a common thing that they might suddenly flip or become agressive or even have difficulties paying their bills cleaning up. As you said, this guy is aware of his condition for a while and he´s been doing what he can, taking his meds etc.

But of course he is afraid. Imagine if you had it and you were in love with someone, you´re always afraid that person won´t put up with you, that you will embarass yourself, that he/she won´t understand certain things, that you will become a burden. It´s probably more like the reason why he keeps his distance.

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No tongue, my lipstick!

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Exactly.

As paranoia is a predominant symptom of schizophrenia, he's probably ultra-receptive to everything you do and say. People with this disposition tend to automatically analyze the behaviours of people because they fear that they are being conspired against. They conclude that people don't like them or have some ambiguous grudge against them. They don't like to be humored and would prefer to just hide from people because it's embarrassing to be patronized. I'd imagine the fact that he has feelings for you will only intensify this consuming sensitivity. As you said, his sudden departures are connected with the disease in the sense that he just wants to hide. I think the fact that you care about him so much and went out of your way to research his condition shows that it's worth a shot.

I suggest you tell him that you've been doing some research and are now more understanding of him than ever before. Schizophrenics can't handle facades or obscurity. He has to feel that he's not being humored, that you don't just feel sorry for him and want to "help". The important thing is to make him see that you don't have any prejudice or grudge against him as a person. Express that you can't understand why he has these tendencies as he's liked by so many people, particularly you.