Its been a while since I made a misery thread on here I think...

Basically at the moment I am having crazy mood swings. I don't think its hormonal (otherwise it would change with time of month etc. but its been pretty much constantly... changing) and I don't think I have any sort of bipolar disorder because I'm not having anything near a true manic period and it changes too fast.

I just go from feeling a bit shit but ok (my life is generally a bit crap at the moment - this whole business is kind of preventing me from changing that as well as other things) to feeling absolutely awful. Like I've spent most of every evening for a while just crying unable to move. Earlier I was lieing on my bed and I felt this urge... need almost... to drink like three bottles of vodka (or at least wished I could have done that without throwing it all back up) and just wait until enough of my brain was dead that my heart stopped. It was there for a good half hour at least, but I was almost as bad for a few hours. And always when I feel like that I can barely breathe let alone talk - like I couldn't have called someone and if someone had called I couldn't have answered the phone, something that often carries on all evening.

But lets say if someone called me now, I could answer and I could do a normal topic avoiding automatic "everythings fine" spiel. And I mean I'm sat here typing this and watching Will and Grace for fucks sake. I don't feel ok but I can find things amusing and think creatively. Its kind of like the burn out you get when you're crying over work or a guy or whatever, but instead of just tired I feel slightly happier.
This pretty much goes on all the time, except I feel worse in the evenings. Plus I have the whole forgetting to eat (I remember enough to get by) and insomnia (like waking up at 4am and not being able to get back to sleep pretty much every night).
I guess its in contrast to being a normally rational person and I'm normally pretty good at balancing myself out.

Basically, I'm not looking for advice as such and I really don't want to go anywhere near a GP. As always when I post this crap on here, I just want to know if I'm a freak or if anyone else ever feels like this.
Its like - you're depressed, you can't function all the time. Or you're not and you can go like a whole day without hysterical practically suicidal crying fits. At least that was my understanding. Right?