| Adderall
Okay, so, I'm bipolar. When I went to the psychiatrist, I wanted Adderall .... I do have lots of trouble focusing often and then when I do focus I just sit and work and work until I get everything done. But I knew I could be a straight A student if I didn't have these problems. So he gave me Lamictal ....
Around my birthday in June, I asked my mom if I could take Adderall because her, my stepdad, and my younger sister all take it ... I just wanted to try it, see it if helped me.
I thought the experience was amazing. We were at the beach at my grandparent's condo, and my mom and stepdad and sister left, and me and my grandparents were going to do some boat tour where you watch birds .... And being seventeen I was sure I'd hate it.
But with Adderall I was very focused and I liked it a lot. When I got off the boat I felt like it was the best day ever. We went to dinner afterwards .... We always have deep conversations but I found myself more open and I wasn't as upset as I often get when someone disagrees .... I often take it offensively because of the way people come off ... Especially as my grandpa can be quite patronizing sometimes.
We went home everything went great .... I read an entire book that night. I wake up the next day and feel awful .... I guess it was sort of coming down ... I felt sad all day because I had such a good day previously and I wasn't as focused as before ....
So my next visit to the psychiatrist I told him about the experience .... He said I was high. I knew it made sense but I felt it was a good high. I loved how it made me so confident and made get things done and made me behave quite nicely around people and who had severely wronged me in my family or whatever.
So in between these times I've taken it a couple more times .... Coming down has never been easy. But that one psychiatrist visit we talked about the Adderall and he said someone of my weight should take 40 mg.
I hadnt seen my mom in months .... We had had a big fight, my stepdad can be extremely emotionally abusive and intimidating and just cruel ... And she put a lot of blame on me when I had done nothing but help her.
So today I come over and I ask if I can take Adderall because I hadn't had it in a while and I took it. It felt really nice .... But before I had taken max 30. It felt awesome, my entire body felt a lot heavier, did sort of give off a numb feeling .... Whenever I sat their bored I'd have an intellectual conversation with my stepdad .... tensions relaxing you know? But the minute I wasn't doing something constructive I'd feel upset.
But then the high just got better ... I felt more numb and then like I'd be all excited over just like moving my hands and feeling the sensations or walking around .... I know it sounds crazy. And I just loved it.... On myspace I wrote all these deep messages to some friends .... It was a pretty cool day.
But coming down just felt really awful .. I got majorly depressed and upset about all these little things piling up and shit. I hadnt taken my Lamictal yet, I wanted to wait till the Adderall wore off.
I love the feeling of Adderall, and if I had a prescription I wouldn't have to worry about the fact that I'd have a great day with it and get things done but then have no idea when I'd be able to have it again. In school this would help me focus a lot (I'm a senior) as I often get bored.
Adderall doesn't make me arrogant to do anything dangerous ... If anything it makes me not so tense, relaxes me bu also makes me more prudent.
But my main question is if I take Adderall can it cancel out my Lamictal? I in no way would jeopardize that .... Lamictal has helped me more than ever ....
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