Apparently when I was doing all those drugs and kept going through withdrawal all the time when I would run out of the drugs, I eventually had lots of seizures. Unbeknownst to me, I'd been carrying the Epilepsy gene and set off the disorder during this ordeal, causing me to land on my head lots and lots, which would explain quite a bit! All of my seizures are of the Grand Mal type and really just suck the life right out of me when they would happen...like you just want to stay in bed forever after one would happen. And if you fell on your head (or face) it was painful and terrifying.

Since I've come home from rehab in March 2006, I've seen all of the damage that I've done to my brain, body, life, etc., and it was extensive this time. When you combine that with a drug like Topamax, it gets really depressing sometimes, like I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm just so stupid and dull and have no energy.

I have literally had to relearn basically everything, and the Topamax (I'm on 400 mg. per day) has finally stopped the seizures, but it makes me dumber than shit. In fairness, the nickname for Topamax is "Dopeamax", so this is no surprise, but it's still hard to lose so much of who I am. I can no longer spell very well, my memory (especially short-term) is just shot, and my vocabulary is virtually non-existent.

One good thing though...my ADD is getting lots better and I've started reading books again this summer!! I'm really excited about that. I could do the school thing because the assignments weren't entire books and to me, the reading was short and easy, but books would've been another story.

Now I've worked my way through a few easy-reading type of books...I'm hoping to be able to focus on more "literature" kind of novels by winter if I don't have too much on my plate school-wise! When I got out of rehab, I couldn't even read TV Guide!



Is anyone else on Topamax or does anyone deal with seizures? Topamax is also used for Migraines and I think headaches in general? I'd love some feedback. I used to be on another medication (but of course, I forget the name...it is the most common Epilepsy med though), but I kept on having the seizures.

Thanks for indulging me and my longass posts. This one sort of is the most personal for me to write. I just needed to get it out of my system.

My friend can't drink because it causes her seizures

have you tried other drugs? like dilantin? dilantin is less stupifying. i know topamax is awful. my friend takes it daily to prevent migraines. she cant drink sodas either because a side offect of the topamax is that it makes carbonated drinks taste awful. weird isnt it?

anyways before you settle on topamax, try dilantin. unless that was the drug you already tried. in which case, im really sorry. because all the other antiseizure meds suck dick.

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Yeah...that's it!! Dilantin. That's the one they first put me on, and I kept having seizures. Topamax just works the best, but I am dumber and as all of you who know me have seen, I'm just not "me" anymore...I'm very different now, but those seizures are bad and take so much out of me, so therein lies the trade-off.

OH...and for those who have asked....I think the seizures happen from the drinking, drugs, or in my case, the sudden stoppage of those things because of the change-up of the chemistry in the body. As far as the Neurologist has found or thinks, the Epilespy was there with me, but all those years of drug withdrawal threw my brain/body did it for me.

My husband said he really noticed the brain damage after I kept getting repeatedly "dropped" on my head. ( ha ha) especially when I had the Grand Mal where I ended up paralyzed on my right side of my body. It does seem like the Topamax is worse than the actual illness though. All I know is I'm pretty fucking dumb and it's like an alien has been inhabiting my body since I got home from rehab. What can ya do though?

i dont know tracy. im sorry.

there ar epeople who specialize in epilepsy called epileptologists. if you can find one within a drive from you, i would make the appointment as soon as possible new appointments are sometimes months in the making. lizbeth de padua is a doc i worked with when i was working brain and stroke here in KC and she was fascinating. brilliant.

you might be able to get covered for a VNS which is a vagal nerve stimulator. they usually reserve that for people who have breakthru seizures despite medications though. there are options. you just have to see someone who specializes in this.

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