At the moment I feel really bad. I'm having trouble getting out of bed before 1pm, talking to people, doing anything apart from gazing into the distance thinking about nothing. Plus, you know, the usual "everything is so horrible, I feel so guilty and I want to die" feelings. Nothing that I have never had a problem with before.

And despite however much suicidal ideation and not wanting to really look after myself I very much doubt I'm going to kill myself or damage myself to badly physically.

But at the moment I have loads of work to do. And I know that if I don't do it well enough my future is screwed, but of course I don't really care. I just handed in a load of coursework and I know it was TERRIBLE because even though I was sat there doing it no part of my brain was... engaged. In the hope that I won't feel like this forever (which I'm managing to hold on to) I kind of need not to completely let go - but its so hard.

I can't really talk to my friends because most of them aren't very understanding and have a lot on their plates as well at the moment. I've never had luck with councelors/doctors about this kind of thing. Especially since I can basically feed myself, leave the house for a bit and I'm not a suicide risk - I don't really know what to say to them. They're always a bit "subjective experience and higher abilities - fuck that!" and tell me to go away.

Like I feel too paranoid and consumed by feeling bad to think about anything beyond the basics, and yet everyone expects me to be thinking and concentrating and there is just no way I can do that. If I was doing mindless work and not having to interact with people it wouldn't be a problem - but as it is I don't want to just do that at this point because I'm young and part of me is still holding on to the idea that I can make something of my life, and the idea that how bad I feel now will mean that I have to feel like this permanently is what would push me over the edge.

What I want to know is, has anyone else ever been in this sort of situation? Like, you can basically get by as you are but the fact that you are probably fucking up your life in the general scheme of things is really making the problem a lot worse?
How did you deal with it (if you did)? I know people who can be as depressed as hell and yet still seem to be able to do academic work and such fine, but I'm just not one of these people.

I'm sorry for asking because I realise that a lot of people have got it a lot worse than me, but it would be really helpful if someone knows any ways of getting around these things.

I was like that for years, feeling like shit and just getting by without living. Unfortunately even though I tried to 'fix' my problems, I ended up having a nervous breakdown in January and left my job. I got to the point where I didn't just want to have to live with it, and was very suicidal. I cling desperately to the hope that someday I will make something of my life, and when I'm down I know my life is going nowhere and I will be this way forever.

I know some counsellors and doctors are assholes, I've dealt with both. I know what you mean - they assume because you are intelligent and can cook and dress then you are coping, which is fucking ridiculous. But if you don't like one doctor, go to another one. Eventually you will find one who will help, and if you fight enough you will get treatment. Look into other services such as mental health charities, they can be really helpful.

I know it's a cliche but it does get better - it's not easy, and you will go backwards occasionally. I was doing well for about 2 weeks, and then had a major setback this week. It takes time. Find good coping skills - writing is a very good way of getting things off your chest. E-mailing the Samaritans is good - they will give you actual advice and it is similar to talking to someone, it just takes a bit longer!

I'm facing a six month wait for therapy - at the moment I'm just trying to survive, I'm not really living. But I didn't think I would even be alive at this point. Take it one day at a time, or even an hour at a time, and you will make it through.

first off, i'm sorry you feel this way, i know its a horrible way to feel.

sorry, i dont really have any advice to give because im sort of in the same situation.

god, i'm sorry..this isn't very helpful but i'm feeling pretty much the same at the moment. i can only manage the bare minimum with regards to work. i handed in essay today that was late and shitty. yet i take pride in my work, it really shouldnt be like this. i just feel like i'm capable of more and i'm wasting my life being depressed and in my case, frightened a lot of the time. how do people muster up motivation? i hate the fact i know i could do better than i'm doing
i too feel that because outwardly i seem reasonably normal people don't take me seriously when i tell them how i feel
i've never seen a counsellor or therapist but i seriously think i should

you poor thing - i really feel for you, especially since you want to get better! (this is the first step and GOOD ON YOU for asking for help.)

i have been in a similar situation, but i didn't ask for help and i didn't tell anybody, and i don't want to tell you what it led to BUT you can make this better for yourself.

i would really recommend- seeing a counsellor. maybe there are free ones at your Uni?
maybe cut down on the amount of papers you are doing? stretch out your semester?
medication! are you on any meds? maybe you should be - to lift your mood/lessen your anxiety.....

i hope this has been of some little little help
xxx

(and please remember that passing or failing your papers is NOT going to make or break your life - you have tons of years to do this.)