huge fights between me and my mum have been going on since i was about 7
and frankly up until this point i never really thought much of them; she;ll beat me real hard, but i always knew it would pass. mostly i knew i deserved it and that these beatings make her feel better.

three months ago though, we've had the worst fight ever. she totally shattred my nose. although it remained swollen for hours i refused to belive it was broken, but it is and it is so so so ugly. i hate the way it makes the right side of my face look...all outta portion.

its pretty supprising that i can say that this time i did nothing to upset her. and i think she knows this. i can honstly say in all my life i never felt as ugly as i do these days./ yet, there are days when i convince myselft that nothing is wrong with my nose. it doesnt work.
i know i should be consentrating...doing and thinking AND doing other things...but i think about my face 5350896 times a day.
it sounds really pathetic.
but it knoked me out. i'm suppriced it hasnt happend years ago. since my jaw has been messed up be her many, many times before.

the second suprise is that she is planning to fix her nose early next year.
hahaha; gawd i remember a few days before that fight she asked me "you think your nose is so fucking perfect, dont you?" me: " i think it's fine; well it'll do for now" how little did i know. since i swear i cannot brethe as well as i used to, but i've read its common if the brigge of the nose gets broken.

omg i felt so bad after reading your story
I think you both have to change your attitude toward each other

How old are you? Move out if you're old enough. With anyone. Get away. If you're not old enough you need to speak to someone and see if you can live with some other kind of guardian.

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you know the wierd thing is i've had bad insidents with her but over these past few years i learned to accept those fights...they are unpleasant but copeable. what i didnt expect/cannot accept is why i have to hate the way i look because she was in a bad mood one day.

i'm 18; and a year and a half ago i moved out and lived with diffrent people for 9/10 months. near the end she found out where i was and asked me to come home, i had to as i had to go to college, pass exams, babysit my brother ect

how can you learn to accept something like this?Fights are always so terrible in a family
this thing with someone`s bad mood reminds me of my dad-when he is not in mood he hurt everyone in the family in so many ways..........

Some breaking your nose is pretty dysfunctional. No one should accept abuse or violence from anyone in a relationship, its not a healthy relationship. You and if possible get your mom into some sort of counseling.

Because i realised she works hard providing me with food, clothres, and a house (rent free, most people who live at home pay rent).
and also because i know i will not be able to provide for myself just yet.
in a way i learned to appreciate her. but it always supprises me-- her anger towards me, never my brother not that ever in a milion years i would want the same happen to him. but i just shocks me

i guess my piont is i feel pathetic as i cannot mend the situation between us or my nose now and this makes me feel so repulsive.

If you make excuses for your mum what are you gonna do if your lover ends up being abusive? Are you willing to stay in a dangerous situation that could potentially end with you becoming paralysed or dead?

Get away now. If you don't take my advice then you should ask yourself why not.

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i think my mum went counselling once before; but hated it.
i went to a few sessions about a small issue i had-it half helped.
its not possble for me to discuss with my mum why she gets as mad with me as she does, because the concecquence of that would be bad to say the least/

because i know i cannot buy/rent my own flat at the moment and i dont have anyone else to help me out. for the time being i think i've run out of opitions and that makes me feel trapped so far underground. just yet i dont think i have enough qulifications to get a well paid job which would help me survive.

domestic violence is not okay.

so she broke your nose, what's next then?

how bad's it gonna get before you realize it isn't okay?

violence breaks the body but do ya know what? it breaks the soul too.

and don't think you've got "no options" but to live at home because that's bullshit.

just as an example -

Brighton Women's Refuge Project
Telephone: 01273 622822
Email: womensrefuge@easynet.co.uk
Opening Times: Mon-Fri 10am-11.30am, 2pm-3.30pm

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/azrefuge...002&ref=804 0

you shouldn't have to "cope" with this.

family should be about love; not broken noses.

Your mom might have been too uncomfortable with the issues being brought up, maybe she's unwilling to change. You can't help that, you can only help yourself.

I have never, struck anyone I have been in a relationship. I have been so pissed at people that even the mention of their name could cause me to shake. But I have never struck the person in question.

I also have ended relationships with people who have been demented. sometimes these people just could understand the phrase "fuck off", so it had to be repeated. I think it was some sort of power thing with them.

thank you, clinquant.
i think power over me and self pity for herself (well, her nose needs fixing too) drive her insane.....i mean i am far from weak but i dont hit her back; how pathetic is that - but its her house and well no defence while im there. i cannot wait till summer holiday roll around

how pathetic is it that you don't hit back?

i don't think it's pathetic at all, i think you should be proud you can say that.

i'm telling ya though, you don't have to put up with this.

if you do nothing, if you stay there, you've accepted the situation for what it is.

fuck my ass i'd rather deal with working shitty jobs to pay rent or staying in a refuge house like i linked than with cuts and bruises and broken noses.

in situations such as this, nothing changes if nothing changes.

the end.

Do you have any relatives, friends with their own places or with parents who might let you stay if they knew what you were going through, etc? Tell them what's going on and I'm sure they'll be sympathetic and let you stay there while you go to college. Otherwise, go to a women's shelter. They'll give you a place to stay and help you find therapy, a job, etc. Your mom provides you with food, clothes, and a house because she's your mom, and she's obligated to. This doesn't give her the right to abuse you because she can't deal with her own anger. Don't make excuses for her because what she's doing is wrong and could kill you or injure you badly. And you should also notify child services and counselors at your brother's school of what is going on just so someone will be on the lookout and find out if something starts happening to him.

are you able to talk to your mum without fighting? Do you both argue over a lot of things?