I've been entertaining the idea that on some subconscious level I actually ENJOY being depressed, like it's an excuse to throw myself a pity party or say "**** all" and self-destruct whenever I feel like it. And if ignorance is bliss, am I making myself miserable so I feel deeper and/or smarter than I really am? Am I alone on this?
Right now, I don't have to work and I don't have to apologise for some of the things I do, so in that respect I kinda enjoy it. It's easier to stay this way than to face your demons and go out into the world. If you don't do anything then you don't have to deal with failing. Also it has been part of my personality for so long that I don't know who I am without depression.