i really hate doing things like this.

ibecky! · #1 05-08-2006, 10:23 AM

so i don't really like posting about shit like this on kr but nevermind.

recently, over the past 5/6 months, my self esteem has just hit rock bottom. and i really don't see why. i'm doing well at college, getting A's and B's for most of my assignments and exams. i've got good friends, i have lots of fun and my boyfriend is lovely.
but i just find myself comparing myself to every other girl going. i'm absolutely convinced my boyfriend fancies every girl under the sun over me and he treats me like a princess, he really does, but i can't help it. he told me he thinks keira knightley is hot and i got so upset over that it's unbelievable - the thing is, i know its ridiculous to get upset over that, it's not a big deal in the slightest, but i felt so second rate and ugly and fat when he told me that. i feel like one of those god awful bunny boilers. but boys i've dated thinking celebrities are hot has NEVER bothered me before in the slightest, it's just with my boyfriend now, and i really don't understand it.

i just find myself exercising because i don't think i'm thin or toned enough (i'm 5'4" and weigh 8st). i eat well, i don't binge or make myself sick but i find myself looking in the mirror and jsut thinking i'm a fat bitch.

i really don't understnad it. anyway, i emailed my boyfriend pretty much the same as i've just said, explained how i feel and i got this back:

eh, becky. eh i dont know what to say
you're not fat at all, you're not repulsive in the slighest.
god, you're so fucking perfect. i know you dont think it but you really are. i wish you could see it. i really really do. it upsets me that you think this way because you just cant see what everyone else does. you dont need ANYTHING changing, you dont need to exercise, at all, and you certainly dont need to worry about me liking other girls. i dont. i've meant everything i've been telling you today. you're unbelievably pretty. you're stunning.
and you are clever, you've got everything going for you, you're beautiful, you're so so smart, i envy you so much, just look at your grades you're going to get into uni no problem, you're going to go to uni and end up with the degrees you want and at the end of it all. you're going to be happy, travelling around to places like japan and thailand and australia. you're going to be happy.
I think things are just hard for you at the moment.
try and not think too much about these things.

i love you becky
you're everything to me
you're perfect in every way possible
i mean it

Xxxxxxxxxx

he's like this all the time. he's so nice to me, he tells me i'm beautiful several times a day and all the time all i can think is that he's comparing me to other girls or just really doesn't think i'm attractive in the slightest.

i don't know what to do anymore, i feel like a bitch cause when i start thinking these things i take it out on my family and friends and luke, and it's just horrible really.
sorry for the long post.

fagarielina · #2 05-08-2006, 10:54 AM

tell him too buy me something sassy
please
its a test!
shhhhh

Everything... · #3 05-08-2006, 10:58 AM

I honestly cannot offer any advice, as I am in no way enlightened when it comes to self-esteem. But you reminded me of Mandy Moore in Americn Dreamz. She said that whenever her boyfriend was being nice to her and telling her that he loved her...he just wanted to punch him in the face.

I hope that it is only a small phase. The highs and lows and whatnot. He sounds lovely, though...so don't try too hard to sabotage it.

witchbaby · #4 05-08-2006, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ibecky!

so i don't really like posting about shit like this on kr but nevermind.

recently, over the past 5/6 months, my self esteem has just hit rock bottom. and i really don't see why. i'm doing well at college, getting A's and B's for most of my assignments and exams. i've got good friends, i have lots of fun and my boyfriend is lovely.
but i just find myself comparing myself to every other girl going. i'm absolutely convinced my boyfriend fancies every girl under the sun over me and he treats me like a princess, he really does, but i can't help it. he told me he thinks keira knightley is hot and i got so upset over that it's unbelievable - the thing is, i know its ridiculous to get upset over that, it's not a big deal in the slightest, but i felt so second rate and ugly and fat when he told me that. i feel like one of those god awful bunny boilers. but boys i've dated thinking celebrities are hot has NEVER bothered me before in the slightest, it's just with my boyfriend now, and i really don't understand it.

i just find myself exercising because i don't think i'm thin or toned enough (i'm 5'4" and weigh 8st). i eat well, i don't binge or make myself sick but i find myself looking in the mirror and jsut thinking i'm a fat bitch.

i really don't understnad it. anyway, i emailed my boyfriend pretty much the same as i've just said, explained how i feel and i got this back:

eh, becky. eh i dont know what to say
you're not fat at all, you're not repulsive in the slighest.
god, you're so fucking perfect. i know you dont think it but you really are. i wish you could see it. i really really do. it upsets me that you think this way because you just cant see what everyone else does. you dont need ANYTHING changing, you dont need to exercise, at all, and you certainly dont need to worry about me liking other girls. i dont. i've meant everything i've been telling you today. you're unbelievably pretty. you're stunning.
and you are clever, you've got everything going for you, you're beautiful, you're so so smart, i envy you so much, just look at your grades you're going to get into uni no problem, you're going to go to uni and end up with the degrees you want and at the end of it all. you're going to be happy, travelling around to places like japan and thailand and australia. you're going to be happy.
I think things are just hard for you at the moment.
try and not think too much about these things.

i love you becky
you're everything to me
you're perfect in every way possible
i mean it

Xxxxxxxxxx

he's like this all the time. he's so nice to me, he tells me i'm beautiful several times a day and all the time all i can think is that he's comparing me to other girls or just really doesn't think i'm attractive in the slightest.

i don't know what to do anymore, i feel like a bitch cause when i start thinking these things i take it out on my family and friends and luke, and it's just horrible really.
sorry for the long post.

I really understand you. My self esteem has gotten really bad lately...atleast your boyfriend didn't sing you a song he wrote about gena malone on the second date!!oh and he also loves kiera knightley too...but we can't get jealous over celebrities...it's not like our bf's or gf's will ever meet and fuck them.if your boyfriend is really in love with you i doubt he fancies other girls more than you.everytime i've been in love, i never even checked out other guys, but I don't know if that's for everyone.i really couldn't give you any advice on having better self esteem until i get some myself.

ibecky! · #5 05-09-2006, 11:24 AM

thanks for the support everyone, it does help. i was wiht him today and he said
"i know you don't believe me but every other girl i see is NOTHING compared to you, i don't find anyone else attractive and i haven't since i've been with you."
"even keira knightley?"
"tut, yeah geek, you're prettier than anyone"

hee, which did make me smile so much.

i just don't understand why i'm like this only with luke, and only over the past few months, cause he's just... perfect? but maybe that's the problem, ha.
yeah, i know it's absurd to get jealous over celebrities, i'm not really jealous as such, i just think he doesn't find me as attractive.

gah. i'm an idiot!