i have been having crazy moodswings lately, it's becoming really hard to deal with.like, i am totally fine one minute and the next im irrationally angry or horribly upset and i feel like i cant even move, then ill feel stupidly happy and confident again.ive been putting it down to PMS and hormones but it's not getting any better.

also, i keep experiencing what i think might be depersonalization, wikipedia explains it better than i can:
' depersonalization (or derealization) is the experience of feelings of loss of a sense of reality. A sufferer feels that he or she has changed and the world has become less real — it is vague, dreamlike, or lacking in significance. It can sometimes be a rather disturbing experience, since many feel that indeed, they are living in some sort of 'dream'....The feeling is said to be like being a ghost. No matter how hard the person tries, he/she cannot feel like they are genuinely interacting with the world. Simply put, depersonalization is an alteration in the perception or experience of oneself, so that the self is felt to be unreal; the person feels detached from reality and/or their own body or mental processes.'
thats sort of how it feels, although im not sure how severe they're talking.for me it's like everything jut feels fuzzy and i go onto autopilot, i have trouble keeping track of whats going on & feel kind of limp and numb, im just drifting and i cant really feel much at all.tbh, i think its how i was feeling when i was on antidepressants (sertaline/zoloft) but i cant be sure because that was a couple of years ago.

does anyone else get this? is it symptoms of something serious?
im considering going to the doctors on monday, but im hesitating because i dont know if its just normal and i have a history of mental health problems so i dont want to go back down that road unless i really have to.

its a natural reaction/defense mechanism
or asymptom of "modern life"
your body knows better



but aboveall dont do any psychedelic drugs!!!!!!

i figured it was a defence mechanism, it certainly stops me feeling terrible.but i wanna know how to prevent it because its really difficult for me to concentrate on things when i feel detached, i cant focus on my college work & keep losing track of conversations.

& i avoid drugs totally, the only stuff ill take are buscopan (anti spasmodic that stops my stomach cramps) & painkillers like ibruprofen & codeine.

k imma try to be serious here i think
i reallyfeel humanity and modern day society and life as we know it andall is a complete (deliberate)deviation from our true human destiny?(needed a d word) whatevathat may be but im a crazy thawngophrenic and thatshowerollinda312(thawngislandareacode)

the natural body would be in touch with that more than our "selves"
(this is all why im against meds" and such)
i do know exactly what you mean tho
but i mean i feel its completely understandable and natural when you take in to account the state of the world and nurtured human stagnance or whateva
i cansee the idea of it being a "defense mechanism as well in the other societal sense
even for me
but the micro is merely a mirror of the macro sotospeak

i dont think its neccesarily a "bad" thing either
i take comfort in my disillusionment and detatchment
i can even see the ideaof it being more difficult to "function" as they say in like here and now physical reality social expectationary terms and howthat can be challenging and seen as um undesirable we'll say haha
or seen as bad

the way i see it
is
i aint hereto live im here to learn
unapplicable things

haha

im no real help
i just feel depression/anxiety "disorders and even depersonalization/dissociative feelings are natural reactions when taking into consideration the state of the earth anyway haha

and i feel the latter anyway are or at least can be positive
falsely defined identity is the foundation of all that went wrong(deliberately steered in that direction) and everything is set up to keep pushing and fortifying that idea
strengthening the ego iguess one can say and in turn watering the SELFY(not neccesarily selfish)interest in which the shitstem grows
?

dont listen to me i cant helpmyself tho haha
but i do really feel its a positive thing to be able to objectively view "yourself"
and not be totally caughtup in "yourself" whateva that even is
haha
but as i said i can seehow one would see it as undesirable as it doesnt really lend itself to conventional success or ideeas of satisfaction or self actualization in this uh world thingy
orsomething

ps
read this all in a really deep voice it was my ass talking

that really made me giggle


i went to the doctor, she said the depersonalization is a defense mechanism, and they offered me antidepressants again, but im hesitating.they made me feel nothing & everyone ive spoken to who knew me when i was on them urged me not to take them again because they changed who i was.but i need to do something about my moodswings because they're becoming way too much to handle, this week i started an enormous argument with my ex over nothing, and ended up hysterically crying at college on thursday over nothing in particular, i just wanted to be out of there.i kept thinking about killing myself, i haven't felt that bad for years.

they want to put me in counselling again & in the meantime i have to go back to her to keep track of my self harm and moodswings.i am so furious with myself for ending up down this route again, i really don't feel that i have the energy to go through all of it again.i don't understand why i can't just deal with things like everyone else.