And is there such a thing as "normal"?

Most people I know don't seem to question their own sanity, or at least they don't seem to. People probably don't think of me that I question my own being normal but yet I do. I just don't tell people because I think most of them already think I'm weird so I don't wanna make it worse.

But do you ever feel like you could be going insane? Sometimes I do. Especially during periods when I'm alone a lot. I've been alone in my room most of the time for the past 2 months and when I was alone I sometimes suddenly realized I was acting strange...
But then when I was with people again I acted "normal" again...

Also when I'm with people I may seem like I'm listening to others or I might even be talking but often there's something way different going on in my mind...

I don't actually think I'm insane though, but I do think there's a really big chance that I have a personality disorder. I think about things so much... Of course almost everyone wonders about the meaning of life and their "raison d'être" here on earth, but I think about it almost ALL the time. It's killing me sometimes. I can't sleep at night and then I can't wake up in the morning because I feel there's no reason too.

I might sound depressed but I don't really think I am. Yes, I have a lot of sadness but it's not like I'm constantly down. I do cry often, but I think I have reason to.
I think I might be bipolar though. Been asked whether I was by several people but I've never been to a psychologist or anything so I really wouldn't know. I don't talk about any of the real stuff that's going on in my mind because there's not really anyone to talk to and if I did tell someone I doubt they'll understand... I also don't want to be a burden. My mom often asks me whether I'm ok and whether there's something I want to tell her (because she knows the last half year has been really rough for me and it doesn't seem to be getting any better) but I always tell her I'm fine because she has enough worries and problems of her own and she has to take care of enough people already.



RANT RANT RANT

i feel the same way...

i was just talking to my mom and said something about how I'm not really happy with my life and she just started saying how little she had when she was my age...

I completely understand that and I realize I am lucky that I live in a nice house and go to uni (it's cheap here though) and I have my own car and everything... But those things don't make me truly happy. They make life better yes, but those things alne aren't gonna make me happy.

I know so well that there are many people out there who have way worse lives than me, people who are poor and living on the streets going hungry, people who are sick, people living in countries that are in war... But does that mean I just have to say "well. glad I'm not them! I'm happy.". Does that mean I can't have ambition?

That's my problem. I want too much. Not really money and material things. I just have way too much ambition. Other people have ambition too, but with me it always has to be more, it has to be more special, it has to be more exclusive...
it's really hard to explain but I keep on escaping my own lie in my imagination. I feel like I'm not really living. I have a completely different life in my own head.

I have issues?

i wouldnt call it issues, i feel the exact same way. do you also think all your life, i will be happy if i achieve this and this, and i achieved it and still im not happy, cus i think i didnt achieve this and that so it goes on and on like that. (did that make any sense?)

is anyone normal??