Hi,

I wanted to ask what is considered to be "socially skilled" in the U.S.? I was told by someone with power that I am not too socially skilled.
Lately this issue came up again and while at first I told myself that wasn't the case, I know doubt myself and think the person was right.
Basically, I have a hard time communicating with people, I don't speak up and feel shy. I used to never been like this. I am originally from Eastern Europe and back home people are pretty low key. You don't talk over teachers or parents, you basically keep your mouth shut and do what you are told. So, now since I moved to U.S. to finish my uni, I find that if you do not speak up, it's such a big loss.
For example, the other day I completed some work in the lab and was AFRAID to ask the lab supervisor about how to enter some data. she then looked over my work and found a mistake and went straight to the professor to bitch about me. The supervisor called me in her office and she start screaming at me about how important it was to enter the data correctly (which I definetely knew, and the mistake was rather small and I corrected afterwards).
Today the professor told me that since the semester is over, she already gave me an A for the lab and she said that for the future I should try to work better in team. However, that supervisor was mean with me from day 1 and I never felt comfortable to ask her things.
So, to keep a long story short...Did anyone else experience this? And if you came from a collectivistic country to the U.S. how long it took you to accomodate? and become "skilled."
Any ideas for how to improve my social skills? This will really help.

Thanks a lot!
Luci_

yeah i have the same problem, i'm 17 and i'm afraid to talk to my hairdresser

I'm 25 and I would like to become a Clinical Psychologist. How ironic is that?
And the thing is that when I was home I used to be very open, talked to teacher, asked questions etc. things that my other classmates wouldn't do. this changed since i came to america for some reason.

i wanted to be a psychologist too, he he, but i became so coy, depressed and shit, now i quess i have no chance to get any job

so isn't it just a problem with US english?

I am trying to think of a way to phrase this nicely, but I am struggling not to sound HORRENDOUSLY xenophobic, but there is something very different about the Eastern European social skills that gives the "fuck off and die" aura. And I'm sure that everyone from those parts doesn't mean me ill, but it definately seems that way (apart from Polish people, they tend to be ridiculously smiley and friendly from the get go). Its strange because when you get to know most Eastern Europeans, they are really friendly, but they don't seem to be willing to extend that when they first meet you. Where I work there are three hungarians, and they really do give the patients the wall of unfriendliness treatment when they come in, despite all being really nice (to their friends). And when I went to Budapest, it seemed such a struggle to get anything out of people. Like you'd ask if they knew where something was, they'd say yes. So then you'd have to ask how to get there. And they'd say walk. And you'd say, but where etc etc.

Basically, I think you just need to be what seems to be horribly superficial. Smile a lot, be really apologetic if you don't know something, don't try and do things quietly and out of people's way, because they will just construe that as that you don't like them/think you are above them.